I need some harsh criticism...

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
hawaii
Posts: 74
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:15 pm

I need some harsh criticism...

Postby hawaii » Sun Oct 17, 2010 12:42 am

Im in the process of re-working this.
Last edited by hawaii on Mon Oct 18, 2010 6:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hawaii
Posts: 74
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:15 pm

Re: I need some harsh criticism...

Postby hawaii » Sun Oct 17, 2010 1:43 pm

Anyone? Pretty please? I promise to return the favor...

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Jack Smirks
Posts: 1340
Joined: Sat May 15, 2010 5:35 am

Re: I need some harsh criticism...

Postby Jack Smirks » Sun Oct 17, 2010 1:52 pm

How long is this PS right now?

hawaii
Posts: 74
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:15 pm

Re: I need some harsh criticism...

Postby hawaii » Sun Oct 17, 2010 1:53 pm

About 2 pages and a paragrah... so it can do with some cutting.

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nataliejane38
Posts: 48
Joined: Tue Aug 03, 2010 10:19 pm

Re: I need some harsh criticism...

Postby nataliejane38 » Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:06 pm

I think the first few parapgraphs are too scattered, they should be condensed somehow. You talk about elementary school, then 9/11, then going to India, etc. Is there a way you can combine the elements of these different experiences in order to have a very solid intro paragraph?

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Jack Smirks
Posts: 1340
Joined: Sat May 15, 2010 5:35 am

Re: I need some harsh criticism...

Postby Jack Smirks » Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:27 pm

PMed.




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