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(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
trudat15
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Postby trudat15 » Sat Oct 16, 2010 1:54 am

deleted
Last edited by trudat15 on Mon Oct 18, 2010 11:49 pm, edited 5 times in total.

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CGI Fridays
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Re: Friday night and I'm writing a PS about farting

Postby CGI Fridays » Sat Oct 16, 2010 2:15 pm

Will not read.
Even if this is written magnificently, I doubt this is worth the risk.

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Pizon
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Re: Friday night and I'm writing a PS about farting

Postby Pizon » Sat Oct 16, 2010 4:44 pm

All lawyers think their shit don't stink. You'll fit right in.

trudat15
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Re: Friday night and I'm writing a PS about farting

Postby trudat15 » Sat Oct 16, 2010 11:57 pm

CGI Fridays wrote:Will not read.
Even if this is written magnificently, I doubt this is worth the risk.


Umm. Thanks? I dont see how you can see the risk without having read it, but okay.

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whirledpeas86
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Re: Friday night and I'm writing a PS about farting

Postby whirledpeas86 » Sun Oct 17, 2010 12:21 am

I think you have some good material in there, but the farting "hook," especially the whole first paragraph has the potential to be so off-putting that I wouldn't be surprised if a good number of adcomms stopped reading after that first paragraph. This is one gamble I wouldn't recommend making.

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CGI Fridays
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Re: Friday night and I'm writing a PS about farting

Postby CGI Fridays » Sun Oct 17, 2010 12:23 am

trudat15 wrote:Umm. Thanks? I dont see how you can see the risk without having read it, but okay.

I read the first couple sentences. I think it's risky.

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$1.99
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Re: Friday night and I'm writing a PS about farting

Postby $1.99 » Sun Oct 17, 2010 12:27 am

without the intro paragraph, this PS is pure rubbish. only use this PS if you are going to include the paragraph on your farts and if you are using this PS for T14 schools. also, the intro paragraph could use some more imagery on how your fart actually smells like and how much death it brings to the human race to show your impact on your community.

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leopardRAWR
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Re: Friday night and I'm writing a PS about farting

Postby leopardRAWR » Sun Oct 17, 2010 12:58 am

I am not going to lie, I was literally doubled over laughing after the beginning of this PS. However, I have a sense of humor similar to that of a 12 year old boy.

I think toward the middle it tends to fall into the trap of simply telling your resume/accomplishments rather than showing something about you. Somewhere in these experiences is probably a specific story you can run with. Work with it some more and you'll find it eventually.

The small child in me just has to ask... do your farts really smell like candy?

Total Litigator
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Re: Friday night and I'm writing a PS about farting

Postby Total Litigator » Sun Oct 17, 2010 1:06 am

Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it.

trudat15
Posts: 900
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Re: Friday night and I'm writing a PS about farting

Postby trudat15 » Sun Oct 17, 2010 1:14 am

CGI Fridays wrote: I read the first couple sentences. I think it's risky.

Thanks, clarifies your previous statement. Like I said, was just something that literally came out when I wasnt even thinking of writing a PS. Can obviously see how it can be risky and wasnt even sure I was serious about using it.

whirledpeas86 wrote:I think you have some good material in there, but the farting "hook," especially the whole first paragraph has the potential to be so off-putting that I wouldn't be surprised if a good number of adcomms stopped reading after that first paragraph.


Thanks for the input - do you think it's off putting or risky? Obviously trying not to be off putting or alienating to the adcomm. Was trying to "hook" the adcomm by introducing him to how really a silly statement about farting sort of led me to law school, but can see how it can be worth not doing.

$1.99 wrote:without the intro paragraph, this PS is pure rubbish. only use this PS if you are going to include the paragraph on your farts and if you are using this PS for T14 schools. also, the intro paragraph could use some more imagery on how your fart actually smells like and how much death it brings to the human race to show your impact on your community.


Why only if I'm using for t14? I'm applying to mainly t14, but just curious to your reasoning.
Agree that it's rubbish with it because then it doesnt really tie together at all. Also - it doesnt bring death, just joy and happiness.

leopardRAWR wrote:I think toward the middle it tends to fall into the trap of simply telling your resume/accomplishments rather than showing something about you. Somewhere in these experiences is probably a specific story you can run with. Work with it some more and you'll find it eventually.


Thanks for the input. I was afraid of that and def know I need to fix the middle a bit.

leopardRAWR wrote:The small child in me just has to ask... do your farts really smell like candy?


In my mind yes.

trudat15
Posts: 900
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Re: Friday night and I'm writing a PS about farting

Postby trudat15 » Sun Oct 17, 2010 1:16 am

Total Litigator wrote:Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it, Don't do it.


96 Don't do its are sure convincing. Just wanted to hear some thoughts .

trudat15
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Re: PS about farting

Postby trudat15 » Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:02 pm

Bump for sunday crowd

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WhatSarahSaid
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Re: PS about farting

Postby WhatSarahSaid » Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:36 pm

You take risks when they have a chance at huge payoffs. This risk almost certainly doesn't.

I'm sure your experience and story can be fleshed out in a compelling, non-gimmicky PS.

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$1.99
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Re: PS about farting

Postby $1.99 » Sun Oct 17, 2010 3:24 pm

you have to choose. you can either take the safe route and remove the gimmick and cash in on some acceptances that may lead to a mediocre life, or go for eternal glory and remembrance by going all-in and getting rejected. you will live in the mind of those adcomms for eternity and they will pass down the story of your bravery for generations to come.

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CGI Fridays
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Re: PS about farting

Postby CGI Fridays » Sun Oct 17, 2010 4:37 pm

<3 $1.99

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Cupidity
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Re: PS about farting

Postby Cupidity » Sun Oct 17, 2010 4:46 pm

OP, you are insanely dense. You have several people here telling you this is a bad idea, and keep responding "well is it bad or risky," jury is in dude. It is a BAD idea. I'm a 21 year old who likes football and drinking and all kinds of good manly things and I thought your intro was gross and stupid. Think what the 50 year old female adcomms will say.

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lennonist
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Re: PS about farting

Postby lennonist » Sun Oct 17, 2010 4:52 pm

this is something i would write when high/drunk with my friends. The fact that a sober person can seriously consider sending this to a law school is very troubling.

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D. H2Oman
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Re: PS about farting

Postby D. H2Oman » Sun Oct 17, 2010 4:54 pm

Bunch of trolls on TLS as usual. First paragraph is good. I'd use it.

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$1.99
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Re: PS about farting

Postby $1.99 » Sun Oct 17, 2010 7:34 pm

lol at all the people who still don't realize OP is a troll. naivete is me.

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98234872348
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Re: PS about farting

Postby 98234872348 » Sun Oct 17, 2010 7:38 pm

trudat15 wrote:So I've been having a bit of trouble with my PS. I sat down hoping to write anything, just to get the writing juices flowing.

This made me laugh considering the title. I didn't read beyond it.

Oh, btw, please for the love of god do not submit a ps about farting. That is quite possibly the worst idea I have ever heard.

trudat15
Posts: 900
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Re: PS about farting

Postby trudat15 » Sun Oct 17, 2010 8:58 pm

WhatSarahSaid wrote:You take risks when they have a chance at huge payoffs. This risk almost certainly doesn't.
I'm sure your experience and story can be fleshed out in a compelling, non-gimmicky PS.
.

Thanks - Probably will try to flesh out some of the same story without the farting. Tried the gimmick to catch the readers attention, though can probably get there without farting.


Cupidity wrote:OP, you are insanely dense. You have several people here telling you this is a bad idea, and keep responding "well is it bad or risky," jury is in dude. It is a BAD idea. I'm a 21 year old who likes football and drinking and all kinds of good manly things and I thought your intro was gross and stupid. Think what the 50 year old female adcomms will say.


Though I asked if it was off putting or risky, which are two entirely different things and a very valid question, thanks for the input. I dont want to be off putting (obviously), but I dont mind being risky for reach schools that I have little to no chance at anyways.
But anyways, I thought I could at least get the young crowd, but if you thought it was gross and stupid, I can see how an older adcomm would think.


$1.99 wrote:lol at all the people who still don't realize OP is a troll. naivete is me.


Can appreciate why you think I am, but I'm not. Sorry to bust your troll-calling chops.


lennonist wrote:this is something i would write when high/drunk with my friends. The fact that a sober person can seriously consider sending this to a law school is very troubling.


Also troubling that someone (probably illegally) smokes weed and is going to law school. But props to you and your friends who write PSs when high/drunk.



In any case, thanks to everyone that actually read it.

Total Litigator
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Re: PS about farting

Postby Total Litigator » Mon Oct 18, 2010 11:46 pm

I think 96 Don't Do It's is all I need. I did read your PS, but all the elegantly stuctured sentences in the world are a moot point when the premise is that you were going to make a movie about your farts smelling like candy but then you didn't. I thought it was the one of the worst PS I had ever read when I thought it would end with you actually succeeding making a semi successful indy flick. When it turned out that you didn't actually write a script or anything it became the single worst PS I had ever read.

Contemplating making a movie about farts and then not doing it can be accomplished in about 2 minutes of boredom. Sorry.




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