Personal Statement. Any input would be great!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
mrr111
Posts: 31
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2010 9:53 pm

Personal Statement. Any input would be great!

Postby mrr111 » Thu Oct 14, 2010 10:41 am

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Last edited by mrr111 on Sat Oct 16, 2010 5:09 pm, edited 3 times in total.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Personal Statement. Any input would be great!

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Oct 14, 2010 10:47 am

The tone of your essay should be changed.
Last edited by CanadianWolf on Thu Oct 14, 2010 3:00 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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crysmissmichelle
Posts: 399
Joined: Thu Oct 08, 2009 8:39 am

Re: Personal Statement. Any input would be great!

Postby crysmissmichelle » Thu Oct 14, 2010 11:14 am

Do any of your schools have word/page requirements? This would be too long for most schools I'm looking at.

I would think about removing the resume information from the top, because they should already have that information and focus instead on the story of your husband's case and how you got interested in law.

Also, I would consider writing a little less mechanically. Right now it sounds very forced. . .not sure if that's a good word for it, but it's what I was thinking.

samueljose
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Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2010 5:53 pm

Re: Personal Statement. Any input would be great!

Postby samueljose » Thu Oct 14, 2010 1:20 pm

You have a lot of things that you could focus on and a good story to tell but the way that you tell it is confusing and not focused. Your intro, instead of saying it, show it through your essay. It seems very much a resume rehash. The rest seems like your briniging up a myriad of different topics...

mrr111
Posts: 31
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2010 9:53 pm

Re: Personal Statement. Any input would be great!

Postby mrr111 » Thu Oct 14, 2010 1:43 pm

CanadianWolf wrote:Anger management classes anyone ? Anyone ? Buellar ? Ferris Bueller ?

You write in an angry tone as if you are still fighting your parents divorce & custody battle. Frankly, you scare me & that's not easily done.

Despite your substantial life experiences there are indications of maturity issues in your essay. Writing that your faith in the legal system is restored simply because you won a case shows a misunderstanding of the legal system & a lack of appreciation for others' points of view.


Thank you for the input. I didn't realize I sounded angry and I certainly don't want to come across that way. I will work on the tone. I am glad that I can at least scare someone, only wish it was my kids! :)

I will also address the issue of my restored faith in the legal system. I guess it is hard to explain without giving all the details of both my parents court case (which was over the period of 12 years) and my husband. I need to figure out how to say it all in the page limits.

mrr111
Posts: 31
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2010 9:53 pm

Re: Personal Statement. Any input would be great!

Postby mrr111 » Thu Oct 14, 2010 1:47 pm

crysmissmichelle wrote:Do any of your schools have word/page requirements? This would be too long for most schools I'm looking at.

I would think about removing the resume information from the top, because they should already have that information and focus instead on the story of your husband's case and how you got interested in law.

Also, I would consider writing a little less mechanically. Right now it sounds very forced. . .not sure if that's a good word for it, but it's what I was thinking.


Yes, the schools that I am applying to do have page limits and this is within that limit, although I know it is lengthy.

I wanted to add the part at the top to try to explain why I have a business degree, nursing degree, and now want to attend law school. Also, I was trying to show that I overcame obstacles (had a baby when I started school and 2 while in school). Maybe I was not effective in showing that?

CanadianWolf
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Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Personal Statement. Any input would be great!

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Oct 14, 2010 2:10 pm

It may be difficult to balance having three or more young children with the demands of law school.

wpm208
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 5:47 pm

Re: Personal Statement. Any input would be great!

Postby wpm208 » Thu Oct 14, 2010 3:21 pm

CanadianWolf wrote:It may be difficult to balance having three or more young children with the demands of law school.


Yes, it will likely be difficult. But there are a lot of difficult things that people manage to overcome. Just because it may be difficult should not discourage you from applying to law school. If you feel that you would be able to handle the challenge, then by all means, apply. More power to you.




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