Rough draft of PS on Wall Street experience

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andedom
Posts: 59
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2010 3:59 pm

Rough draft of PS on Wall Street experience

Postby andedom » Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:20 am

Edit: Thanks for all the help. I'm going to try to trim it down a lot, remove some of the finance mumbo-jumbo, and try to make sure I am not coming across as an arrogant/hypocritical prick!
Last edited by andedom on Thu Oct 14, 2010 8:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Danteshek
Posts: 2172
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2008 4:40 pm

Re: Rough draft of PS on Wall Street experience

Postby Danteshek » Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:33 am

From one financial professional to another:

1) Tell the truth. Were you laid off? Is that the real reason you are considering law school?

2) Nobody cares that you have the Series 7. It's a joke credential.

3) You mention in passing that you wanted to become a lawyer since middle school, but your actions do not add up. Why did you go to Wall Street in the first place if you wanted to become a lawyer since middle school? It's probably better to be honest and say that you didn't seriously consider law school until you realized that your career on Wall Street wasn't sustainable. Perhaps your skill set is well adapted to being a lawyer?

4) You can't have your cake and eat it too. Are you really saying that you want to become a corporate lawyer because you want to reform Wall Street? Give me a fucking break. Corporate lawyers defend Wall Street sleaze bags. Maybe you want to work for the SEC? Are you committed to public service (probably not). Again, be honest. You want to become a corporate lawyer because you think you can make a great living doing something you might be good at.

5) You don't need to explain to admissions committees what a derivative is. In fact, there is no need to get into an anti-Wall Street diatribe, especially considering the fact that you want to get back in bed with Wall Street.

Overall, your PS comes off as hypocritical.
Last edited by Danteshek on Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

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MrKappus
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Re: Rough draft of PS on Wall Street experience

Postby MrKappus » Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:33 am

(1) "Undergrad" is way too slangy/informal.
(2) Indignation that the SEC stood by while your industry bent over and ****ed itself comes across as entitled-sounding and naive.
(3) I know you're dealing w/ complex stuff in your PS, but try to remember that non-Wall St.-er's eyes roll back in their heads when reading about PnL, etc.
(4) The "I like discussing blah blah blah" is elementary-sounding. The first rule of good writing is to show, not tell.
(5) Good Decent first effort. You have some great WE that will make a great PS, but the execution of this one's not quite right.

andedom
Posts: 59
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2010 3:59 pm

Re: Rough draft of PS on Wall Street experience

Postby andedom » Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:58 am

Danteshek wrote:From one financial professional to another:

1) Tell the truth. Were you laid off? Is that the real reason you are considering law school?

2) Nobody cares that you have the Series 7. It's a joke credential.

3) You mention in passing that you wanted to become a lawyer since middle school, but your actions do not add up. Why did you go to Wall Street in the first place if you wanted to become a lawyer since middle school? It's probably better to be honest and say that you didn't seriously consider law school until you realized that your career on Wall Street wasn't sustainable. Perhaps your skill set is well adapted to being a lawyer?

4) You can't have your cake and eat it too. Are you really saying that you want to become a corporate lawyer because you want to reform Wall Street? Give me a fucking break. Corporate lawyers defend Wall Street sleaze bags. Maybe you want to work for the SEC? Are you committed to public service (probably not). Again, be honest. You want to become a corporate lawyer because you think you can make a great living doing something you might be good at.

5) You don't need to explain to admissions committees what a derivative is. In fact, there is no need to get into an anti-Wall Street diatribe, especially considering the fact that you want to get back in bed with Wall Street.

Overall, your PS comes off as hypocritical.


1.) Wasn't laid off. Just got pretty burnt out! I'm actually a poli sci major and doing accounting/finance day after day for 10-12 hours started to get to me. Also, I did not have the time to properly prepare for the LSATs, the first week of the month is our busiest. And that was always the week LSATs came out. I'm now working a 9-5 position in finance and I am much happier.

2.) Thanks! I'll keep that in mind

3.) Actually, a big part of why I accepted the position was because I developed Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) my senior year and became pretty depressed. I didn't have the energy/drive to apply to law school so I figured I'd just put it off until I figured out how to deal with the disease. Didn't feel like that would really fit into the PS though!

4,5.) Appreciate the advise man. But no need to be a dick about it!! J/K
Last edited by andedom on Thu Oct 14, 2010 1:06 am, edited 1 time in total.

andedom
Posts: 59
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2010 3:59 pm

Re: Rough draft of PS on Wall Street experience

Postby andedom » Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:59 am

MrKappus wrote:(1) "Undergrad" is way too slangy/informal.
(2) Indignation that the SEC stood by while your industry bent over and ****ed itself comes across as entitled-sounding and naive.
(3) I know you're dealing w/ complex stuff in your PS, but try to remember that non-Wall St.-er's eyes roll back in their heads when reading about PnL, etc.
(4) The "I like discussing blah blah blah" is elementary-sounding. The first rule of good writing is to show, not tell.
(5) Good Decent first effort. You have some great WE that will make a great PS, but the execution of this one's not quite right.



Thanks Mr. Kappus! Really appreciate the advise!

SortOfObsessed
Posts: 87
Joined: Thu Jul 01, 2010 4:53 pm

Re: Rough draft of PS on Wall Street experience

Postby SortOfObsessed » Thu Oct 14, 2010 11:54 am

I feel like this personal statement is more about Wall Street than it is about you.

Although I enjoyed reading it (I am an economics major), it comes off as though you are attempting to explain to a child what your work entails, using analogies (derivatives to high end dresses, etc.). I know it must be difficult to explain in layman's terms, but the Admission committees may find it patronizing.

I also think it's unnecessary for you to throw in "Don't get me wrong," in the first paragraph. It sounds forced. There are a couple other awkward sounding parts.

You should also have a more interesting hook, perhaps something like "My career in Wall Street began after the real estate bubble burst, but from the flack I got from my aunts, uncles, and cousins, you would have thought I was the CEO of Bear Stearns." and then keep going from there with the rest of your essay.

Overall, I like the conversational tone you have, and the fact that you clearly are interested in what you've been doing. I just think you need to focus more on yourself. And like the poster before me said, some of the specific parts (i.e., anything with an acronym) would probably bore a normal person to death.

andedom
Posts: 59
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2010 3:59 pm

Re: Rough draft of PS on Wall Street experience

Postby andedom » Thu Oct 14, 2010 1:45 pm

SortOfObsessed wrote:I feel like this personal statement is more about Wall Street than it is about you.

Although I enjoyed reading it (I am an economics major), it comes off as though you are attempting to explain to a child what your work entails, using analogies (derivatives to high end dresses, etc.). I know it must be difficult to explain in layman's terms, but the Admission committees may find it patronizing.

I also think it's unnecessary for you to throw in "Don't get me wrong," in the first paragraph. It sounds forced. There are a couple other awkward sounding parts.

You should also have a more interesting hook, perhaps something like "My career in Wall Street began after the real estate bubble burst, but from the flack I got from my aunts, uncles, and cousins, you would have thought I was the CEO of Bear Stearns." and then keep going from there with the rest of your essay.

Overall, I like the conversational tone you have, and the fact that you clearly are interested in what you've been doing. I just think you need to focus more on yourself. And like the poster before me said, some of the specific parts (i.e., anything with an acronym) would probably bore a normal person to death.


Thanks. Believe it or not, i actually added in more information about myself than I started out with. I get where you are coming from though. I really thought it would be interesting to focus on my view of the financial crisis, but it does seperate myself from the PS. Maybe I'll try to make it more about how my job prepared me for law school than about the financial crisis.

Thanks again for all the advise, really useful stuff!

Saltqjibo
Posts: 271
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2010 6:47 pm

Re: Rough draft of PS on Wall Street experience

Postby Saltqjibo » Thu Oct 14, 2010 6:35 pm

Dude, just a gut reaction. I started skimming, and I've been reading a lot of PSs lately. You can shorten each sentence by like half and knock out a lot of needless info.

andedom
Posts: 59
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2010 3:59 pm

Re: Rough draft of PS on Wall Street experience

Postby andedom » Thu Oct 14, 2010 6:49 pm

Saltqjibo wrote:Dude, just a gut reaction. I started skimming, and I've been reading a lot of PSs lately. You can shorten each sentence by like half and knock out a lot of needless info.


Good point, it is pretty long-winded. Thanks




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