Yale 250

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Yale 250

Postby ivantheterbl » Wed Oct 13, 2010 9:42 am

So this is what I have for my Yale 250 so far, any comments/ideas would be greatly appreciated!

“Right by file into line, march!” The order echoed loudly across the rolling hills of western Maryland, piercing through the darkness of an early September morning. Thousands of men lay before my eyes, coalescing themselves into units and shouldering rifles. Briefly, if only for a second, I was transported to a time 140 years in the past to one of the most significant events in American history.
The troops of Joseph Hooker’s Union corps would have been in the exact same position as I was, slowly moving towards an unknown point with nothing but the stars as guides. Before crashing into Stonewall Jackson’s equally mortified Confederate troops, a Union drummer from Ohio such as me may have been captivated by the sun slowly rising above the Blue Ridge Mountains as I was.
It is abhorrent to consider that same drummer may have never seen the sun go down that day, may have never experienced the beauty of a fall morning again. A person was killed at the battle of Antietam every minute, making it the bloodiest single day in American history. While I knew nothing but black powder was being shot, and trained EMTs stood at the ready to deal with even minor injuries, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of trepidation as I marched towards “The Cornfield”, the first of many sites that saw unbelievable slaughter that day. To consider how that drummer boy must have felt is an awe inspiring emotion I sense to this day.

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Mr. T
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Re: Yale 250

Postby Mr. T » Wed Oct 13, 2010 9:45 am


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Re: Yale 250

Postby AreJay711 » Wed Oct 13, 2010 11:02 am

I have no idea what they want from the 250 word statement so can't say if it's ok, good, or great. Don't think it is bad though.

Here are some questions I have:

nothing but the stars as guides.

Poetic but probably not accurate. It's not like they are on the open sea -- you can see basic landmarks at night.

Before crashing into Stonewall Jackson’s equally mortified Confederate troops

I don't really know how mortified the Union troops were. Plus mortified is one of those words you never really use in regular speech. Though I understand word count it at a premium.

To consider how that drummer boy must have felt is an awe inspiring emotion I sense to this day.

I like the emotion you were trying to inspire here but "to consider" in not "an emotion". Considering something might bring about an emotion but is not itself and emotion.

Would you mind if I PM you mine so you can tell me what you think. I'm not sure I did as well on the Oct LSAT as my PTs so there is a chance I might not even apply so you don't have to worry about helping the competition lol.

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