PLEASE critique. Very first draft.

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
MRsimon
Posts: 35
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 12:03 am

PLEASE critique. Very first draft.

Postby MRsimon » Tue Oct 12, 2010 3:02 pm

EDIT:Revising
Last edited by MRsimon on Tue Oct 12, 2010 3:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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bk1
Posts: 18424
Joined: Sun Mar 14, 2010 7:06 pm

Re: PLEASE critique. Very first draft.

Postby bk1 » Tue Oct 12, 2010 3:05 pm

I stopped reading halfway through the first paragraph and I still hadn't heard anything about you at that point. This is a personal statement, not your random musings on life.

MRsimon
Posts: 35
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 12:03 am

Re: PLEASE critique. Very first draft.

Postby MRsimon » Tue Oct 12, 2010 3:06 pm

Read it over. Agreed. Thank you sir




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