Please critique my addendum to disciplinary action

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egeffin
Posts: 79
Joined: Wed Aug 25, 2010 8:36 pm

Please critique my addendum to disciplinary action

Postby egeffin » Sun Oct 10, 2010 4:04 pm

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What do you guys think?

Anything I should omit / add?
Last edited by egeffin on Sun Oct 10, 2010 7:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Please critique my addendum to disciplinary action

Postby CanadianWolf » Sun Oct 10, 2010 4:07 pm

If it was beer, then consider writing "beer" instead of "alcohol".
DELETE: The first sentence & delete the last two sentences. The result is a concise, one-sentence addendum.




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