PS first draft.. help me, my writings are bad.. need help!!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
asdfqwer1234

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Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2010 8:31 am

PS first draft.. help me, my writings are bad.. need help!!

Postby asdfqwer1234 » Sat Sep 25, 2010 9:01 am

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Last edited by asdfqwer1234 on Tue Sep 28, 2010 1:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

solo

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Re: PS first draft.. help me, my writings are bad.. need help!!

Postby solo » Sat Sep 25, 2010 12:57 pm

The statement needs considerable editing. Its a good concept but when I read through it, I ended with the conclusion that you really tried to start a business but that law school wasn't even a thought in your head until your business failed. It comes off as law school being your back up instead of the passion. I think you should include more about how this company idea tied into your passion of wanting to go to law school.

nickk

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Re: PS first draft.. help me, my writings are bad.. need help!!

Postby nickk » Sat Sep 25, 2010 2:19 pm

I think you could get away with deleting the intro. Your story is a captivating hook. However, the way the essay ends doesn't tell us much about how that story led/drove/influenced you to go to law school, or study law. So in the end of your essay, i would discuss that. And if you still wanted to talk about how "failing to achieve the most desired outcome leads to happiness", I would also do it then near the end. And Solo is right, you don't want to make it sound like law school was the back-up plan all along.

asdfqwer1234

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Posts: 18
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2010 8:31 am

Re: PS first draft.. help me, my writings are bad.. need help!!

Postby asdfqwer1234 » Sat Sep 25, 2010 2:30 pm

thanks all.
yea law school as back up plan... this sounds bad. I'll edit.



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