re write of personal statement thoughts

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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re write of personal statement thoughts

Postby darrennewhart » Thu Sep 23, 2010 7:23 pm

Looking back at the first time I read The old man and the Sea, I never understood what Ernest Hemmingway was writing about in relation to a Blue Marlin. These massive animals have the grace and agility of even the tiniest ballet dancer with an anger which the likes of Poseidon himself must have instilled in them. These combination's have led to countless tales of men who have tried and failed at capturing these amazing animals.
My own fish story took place this past July in Bermuda, one of the best blue marlin destinations in the world. On island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, this to fisherman seems to be a pearl at the heart of the world’s clam shell. We made a trip aboard the 85 ft Sport fishing vessel XXXXX, which has the beauty of the night’s sunset, and the raw power of 4,000 horses spinning her props at over 1800 revolutions per minute. I have been the mate, underneath the Captain of the Boat xxxxxxxxxx for the past year and a half; we have competed on the entire South Florida sail fishing circuit and also have been fortunate enough to have won some of these tournaments, including the thousands of dollars that go along with them. This summer was set to be different though; we have been preparing for over a year for our summer trip to Bermuda to fish a series of Blue Marlin tournaments called the Triple Crown. With over 3,000 gallons of fuel and a 36 ft. Yellowfin center console in tow we made the journey in a mere 72 hours.
Now blue marlin fishing can be one of the most exciting things a person can be a part of in their life, hearing the clicker ring out like a freight train pounding through the tracks from a 130 pound class outfit can make even the healthiest heart skip a beat. These fish are one of the most powerful and aggressive fish in the ocean, capable of pulling any grown man attached to them overboard with just a flick of their massive body and tail , which can measure over twelve feet in length and can reach weights of well over the elusive thousand pound mark. Battling these fish with big game tackle has lead to grueling battles lasting over twelve hours and broken hearts that have lasted lifetimes. Blue Marlin are one of the most sought after and prized fish in the ocean, to compete on their level and beat them at their own game takes skill and meticulous preparation that even a Lawyer could appreciate. If one thing connecting you to that fish fails it could equal a lost fish or in the worst scenario’s death.
We were fishing a sea mound 15 miles off the coast of Bermuda which rises from depths of 20,000 ft. to only 180 ft. at the top of the mound. This dramatic rise takes place in less than a half a mile distance, where bait and sea life converge from the immense upwellings and currents that take place. Early in the morning after just setting out a varying set of blue marlin lures an absolute sea monster appeared below the right short lure. This fish had the color and flash of lightning if it were as blue as the sky, and had the size of a Mack Truck carrying its maximum load. The fish moved through the water studying, thinking, and wondering if this lure was to be her early morning meal. It moved through the water with the grace and ease of a goldfish in a bowl, but this was no goldfish, it appeared to be a blue marlin with an astonishing size that seemed to be well over 800 pounds. After 30 to 45 seconds this massive beast was finally enticed to swing her baseball sized bat of a bill and inhale the lure. Now the fight was on, the battle between man and nature was taking place right here in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. The fight was give and take for over two hours, where drag settings applied to this massive animal reached over 85 pounds just to take an inch of line. This blue marlin was not the fish we thought it was, it was much more. With 900 yards of line taken off the reel and 5,000 dollars attached to this fish and the angler was at a standstill. Neither was giving up, but both were exhausted and well worn. The angler, exhausted and cramped, finally started to gain line inch by inch hoping he had the upper hand. As I watched in amazement and worry that something was going to give at any moment, something happened. All of a sudden the weight on the other end of the rod became tremendous to the point where the angler could no longer sit himself down into the fighting chair, or even crank the reel handle a millimeter. It went slack, the tension was gone and the fish was lost. The entire crew was delirious and beaten, and forced to face the realization that a once in a lifetime fish was gone. It had been eaten by sharks hundreds of feet below the surface.
This experience was a once in a lifetime event and has been replayed in my mind hundreds of times. It also made me realize a goal that has eluded me from the recent past. When I graduated college I went through the process of applying to law schools and was denied, leading me to work on boats. I don’t regret this at all, but I have not lost sight of my goal to continue my education in law school. Unlike this blue marlin, I do not want to be eaten by sharks. I don’t want to give up on my goal of becoming a law student and I hope you the reader can see that as well.

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Re: re write of personal statement thoughts

Postby ht2988 » Fri Sep 24, 2010 10:50 pm

You don't draw any substantive parallels between your fishing trip in Bermuda and why you deserve to go to law school - I don't think this is a good topic at all. Out of all your experiences you are saying that this bougie fishing trip in Bermuda is what it comes down to?!

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Re: re write of personal statement thoughts

Postby beleaguer » Mon Sep 27, 2010 10:52 pm

I think writing about a seemingly insignificant experience like a fishing trip can be a good opening (or at least, interesting/different), but ht is right. You didn't link it to any real cohesive reason you're applying to law school, except a classic case of wanting something more if you can't have it. Not that I have any experience on an adcomm, so I suppose I can't be certain...but I doubt they're going to find it a compelling reason to accept you. I think it'd probably be better to go less in detail about the fishing trip and more about how it affected you and shaped you as a person. Or gave you an epiphany. Or anything more about you as a person, really.

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