ROUGH draft of my Personal Statement re: drugs and chemo..

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
ht2988
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ROUGH draft of my Personal Statement re: drugs and chemo..

Postby ht2988 » Wed Sep 22, 2010 5:34 pm

removed
Last edited by ht2988 on Tue Dec 18, 2012 4:56 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Marionberry
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Re: ROUGH draft of my Personal Statement re: drugs and chemo..

Postby Marionberry » Wed Sep 22, 2010 6:07 pm

I think this is a very good statement. My only real concern is the length, how long does this come out to be in word, double spaced at 11pt font? If you need to cut it down, I think the part about your internship could probably be sacrificed without really comprimising the overall quality of the statement. There are a lot of statements posted on here dealing with addiction and recovery, and this is one of the better ones I have read. It's extremely well written. I'm in recovery, too, though I decided not to write my PS about my own sobriety. I just didn't know if I could do it in a way that didn't come off as hackneyed, which yours doesn't.

I don't know about the sentence describing rehab as "mostly useless" and comparable to FEMA, though. I mean, presumably, receiving treatment three times probably helped considerably in your being able to achieve lasting sobriety. And I would consider dropping the part about the internship, as it kind of crowds what is otherwise a cohesive and engaging statement.

It's great, though. Congrats on two years!

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artichoke
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Re: ROUGH draft of my Personal Statement re: drugs and chemo..

Postby artichoke » Wed Sep 22, 2010 6:10 pm

There is not a ton of critique I can give here, this is a very well written, persuasive essay. You did a great job of connecting your experiences to your desire to study and practice law.

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birD
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Re: ROUGH draft of my Personal Statement re: drugs and chemo..

Postby birD » Wed Sep 22, 2010 6:11 pm

I never reply to these things but what an awesome crazy story! congrats and good luck with everything!! :)

nStiver
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Re: ROUGH draft of my Personal Statement re: drugs and chemo..

Postby nStiver » Thu Sep 23, 2010 1:05 am

Awesome statement man. I am also in recovery, but I have not been to the places where you have in life. In a world where addicts are stigmatized and opiate (or whatever) addiction still scares a lot of people, a personal statement about addiction is tough to pull off. You have done this wonderfully. Good luck with wherever you plan on going im sure you will do well.

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ArchRoark
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Re: ROUGH draft of my Personal Statement re: drugs and chemo..

Postby ArchRoark » Thu Sep 23, 2010 1:10 am

Congrats on 2 years. Great statement.

ht2988
Posts: 482
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Re: ROUGH draft of my Personal Statement re: drugs and chemo..

Postby ht2988 » Thu Sep 23, 2010 7:33 am

Thanks for the compliments but I'm really looking for some serious critiques, especially regarding the length of this. Right now it sits at 3 double spaced pages 11-pt. font. Does this read too much as a narrative? Is the content consistent with the point I attempt to convey at the end? Is it worth hiring an editor?

blsingindisguise
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Re: ROUGH draft of my Personal Statement re: drugs and chemo..

Postby blsingindisguise » Thu Sep 23, 2010 8:44 am

This is a winner. You are a good writer and your topic is practically an auto-admit (I hate to trivialize your experience and background, but I imagine most admissions committees will salivate over gay muslim recovering drug addict who went through chemo -- it almost sounds too good to be true).

If you want any critique, I'd say you occasionally overwrite -- e.g. the sentence about hovering around the pit of rock bottom is sort of an uncomfortable mix of metaphors. I'd try to simplify/clean up your sentences here and there, and maybe also make the whole thing a little bit shorter. But it's good. One of the best I've read.

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Marionberry
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Re: ROUGH draft of my Personal Statement re: drugs and chemo..

Postby Marionberry » Thu Sep 23, 2010 2:07 pm

ht2988 wrote:Thanks for the compliments but I'm really looking for some serious critiques, especially regarding the length of this. Right now it sits at 3 double spaced pages 11-pt. font. Does this read too much as a narrative? Is the content consistent with the point I attempt to convey at the end? Is it worth hiring an editor?


Length: It's relatively long, compared to most PSs. I don't know what schools youre applying to, but it will definitely be too long for many schools. At the schools where it isn't too long, it will be close to the maximum length, which might not be a good thing. Remember that adcomms are reading thousands of applications, and will only expect to allot about 3-5 minutes to yours. Your statement is engaging enough that it might keep their interest for three pages of 11pt font, but if it were shorter it might not hurt. I think you could cut out the part about your internship and still have an excellent statement.

I don't know that it being a narrative is necessarily a bad thing, most of the PSs I have read are. Or, I don't know what a narrative is, but I'm too lazy to google it.

Is it worth hiring an editor?: Is money an issue? If it's not, then I would do everything I could to increase my chances. Maybe hire a LS admissions consultant to review your statement, or a LS related editing service. It certainly couldn't hurt, and if it is feasible I think the possible return in acceptances and schooly money might well be worth it. Your call though.

CanadianWolf
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Re: ROUGH draft of my Personal Statement re: drugs and chemo..

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Sep 23, 2010 2:29 pm

You certainly do not need to hire a law school educational consultant or an editor; they, however, may want to hire you.

ht2988
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Re: ROUGH draft of my Personal Statement re: drugs and chemo..

Postby ht2988 » Fri Sep 24, 2010 10:44 pm

OK with my stats (172 LSAT, 3.39/3.5 GPA) - would the above essay, after some necessary trimming, coupled with a diversity statement focused more on my racial/gay experience, and 3 really awesome lor's put me in a good position for any of the following?

NYU, Berkeley, Chicago, U-Mich, NU, Wash U, Georgetown, UVA?

Welp2277
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Re: ROUGH draft of my Personal Statement re: drugs and chemo..

Postby Welp2277 » Sat Sep 25, 2010 2:27 pm

I think it is really well written, but it is a bit too long. There are also a couple of places where your word choice seems slightly odd to me; probably because legal writing has poisoned my pen. A quick example would be at the beginning where you say 'opted for the floor' instead of saying simply 'chose the floor.'

nStiver
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Re: ROUGH draft of my Personal Statement re: drugs and chemo..

Postby nStiver » Sun Sep 26, 2010 5:47 pm

ht2988 wrote:OK with my stats (172 LSAT, 3.39/3.5 GPA) - would the above essay, after some necessary trimming, coupled with a diversity statement focused more on my racial/gay experience, and 3 really awesome lor's put me in a good position for any of the following?

NYU, Berkeley, Chicago, U-Mich, NU, Wash U, Georgetown, UVA?


Oh yeah dude. You may not realize this, but I think you are a contender at most top universities. You might even have a chance at HYS, given your writing skills and unique background.




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