Please critique my criminal record addendum; thank you

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
JamesDean44
Posts: 26
Joined: Fri Aug 13, 2010 11:21 pm

Please critique my criminal record addendum; thank you

Postby JamesDean44 » Sat Sep 11, 2010 6:14 pm

:-)
Last edited by JamesDean44 on Mon Sep 13, 2010 7:01 pm, edited 6 times in total.

cartercl
Posts: 454
Joined: Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:08 am

Re: Please critique my criminal record addendum; thank you

Postby cartercl » Sat Sep 11, 2010 6:25 pm

JamesDean44 wrote:Offenses: Underage Drinking, Possession of Tobacco, Curfew Violation (Civil Citations)
Approximate Date: 07/2003 Arresting Agency: 444444Police Department
Location: 444444444 Plea: No Contest Penalty: Forfeiture

Offense: Underage Drinking (Civil Citation)
Approximate Date: 07/2005 Arresting Agency: 4444444 Police Department
Location: 4444444 Plea: No Contest Penalty: Forfeiture

Offense: Possession of a Controlled Substance/Marijuana (Civil Citation)
Date: 11/18/2005 Arresting Agency: 444444 Police Department
Location: 44444444 Plea: No Contest Penalty: Forfeiture

I have taken full responsibility for these offenses. These past youthful indiscretions (the most recent citation occurred at age 18) are not reflective of the individual I am today. I hope that my academic credentials and especially my service experience these past two years (as detailed in my personal statement) will show my character, maturity, and my commitment to success.

The three citations are listed in a chart. Do I need to describe each offense? Thoughts on the paragraph? Wording? Too short? Any thoughts are appreciated.


To the bolded, yes, you have to provide the facts. Seriously, this is just stupid stuff that almost everyone has done (probably didn't get caught) so there's not much you can really do in terms of explaining but let them know that it was immature behavior.

hefox
Posts: 49
Joined: Sun Jun 27, 2010 5:33 pm

Re: Please critique my criminal record addendum; thank you

Postby hefox » Sat Sep 11, 2010 6:28 pm

viewtopic.php?f=18&t=129401

read through that, it might help

JamesDean44
Posts: 26
Joined: Fri Aug 13, 2010 11:21 pm

Re: Please critique my criminal record addendum; thank you

Postby JamesDean44 » Sat Sep 11, 2010 7:02 pm

Thank you for the link and the information. I have edited my addendum and would appreciate any thoughts. Thank you.

digitalcntrl
Posts: 153
Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 7:36 pm

Re: Please critique my criminal record addendum; thank you

Postby digitalcntrl » Sat Sep 11, 2010 7:02 pm

Hmm. And I though juvenile convictions became extinct (like they never happened) when you hit 18. Maybe I watch too much L&O.

hefox
Posts: 49
Joined: Sun Jun 27, 2010 5:33 pm

Re: Please critique my criminal record addendum; thank you

Postby hefox » Sat Sep 11, 2010 7:10 pm

its better. But I would suggest another sentence on the 'eye opening experience' you gained from your last citation.

JamesDean44
Posts: 26
Joined: Fri Aug 13, 2010 11:21 pm

Re: Please critique my criminal record addendum; thank you

Postby JamesDean44 » Sat Sep 11, 2010 8:11 pm

I've added another sentence above...looking better?

cartercl
Posts: 454
Joined: Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:08 am

Re: Please critique my criminal record addendum; thank you

Postby cartercl » Sat Sep 11, 2010 8:20 pm

I no longer use marijuana and have not been charged with a criminal offense since.


This is the one they're going to be looking for.

JamesDean44 wrote:After my last offense occurred it opened my eyes to the negative impact that continued use of an illegal substance would have upon me both personally and professionally.


Re-word this. Should be more along the lines of "My last offense forced me to realize..." (Or something to that effect.) Everything else is good.

JamesDean44
Posts: 26
Joined: Fri Aug 13, 2010 11:21 pm

Re: Please critique my criminal record addendum; thank you

Postby JamesDean44 » Sat Sep 11, 2010 9:21 pm

Thanks to all for the help.

If anyone else has more suggestions they are appreciated, but I'm hoping it is ready to go.

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RayFinkle
Posts: 110
Joined: Sun Feb 28, 2010 6:20 pm

Re: Please critique my criminal record addendum; thank you

Postby RayFinkle » Sat Sep 11, 2010 10:10 pm

digitalcntrl wrote:Hmm. And I though juvenile convictions became extinct (like they never happened) when you hit 18. Maybe I watch too much L&O.


Depends on the state I believe. Not sure though.




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