Addendum Critique

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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cinefile 17
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Addendum Critique

Postby cinefile 17 » Tue Sep 07, 2010 4:40 pm

...
Last edited by cinefile 17 on Tue Sep 07, 2010 11:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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cinefile 17
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Re: Addendum Critique

Postby cinefile 17 » Tue Sep 07, 2010 4:54 pm

bump

cartercl
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Re: Addendum Critique

Postby cartercl » Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:02 pm

I don't think this is going to be very effective. Actually, I think it's going to work against you. Your story just seems too typical and every problem you mentioned appears to be something that was within your control. Especially leave out the part about the extracurricular activities. If you didn't have time between work and study to ensure your GPA was where you wanted it to be, you definitely should not have taken on any extra activities. I think as this stands, you're going to be held completely liable for your GPA.

Also: What exactly are you attributing to your original poor performance?
Last edited by cartercl on Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:08 pm, edited 2 times in total.

CanadianWolf
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Re: Addendum Critique

Postby CanadianWolf » Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:03 pm

Too wordy. Try to condense your plea into a more succinct statement comprised of crisp, clear sentences. As it is, your addendum is a bit self-defeating because you are unable to express your thoughts in a concise fashion.
Last edited by CanadianWolf on Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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blackwater88
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Re: Addendum Critique

Postby blackwater88 » Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:08 pm

Come on... Don't bump after 14 minutes :roll:
Like the above posters said, an addendum for a 3.4 GPA doesn't sound like a good idea.

CanadianWolf
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Re: Addendum Critique

Postby CanadianWolf » Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:15 pm

CONSIDER:
Please note my strong upward trend in grades during my undergraduate years. As a first generation college student working full time while also enrolled full time, I had to learn to manage my time in an effective manner.

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blackwater88
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Re: Addendum Critique

Postby blackwater88 » Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:20 pm

CanadianWolf wrote:CONSIDER:
Please note my strong upward trend in grades during my undergraduate years. As a first generation college student working full time while also enrolled full time, I had to learn to manage my time in an effective manner.


It seems kinda whiny to write an addendum for such uncompelling reasons.

CanadianWolf
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Re: Addendum Critique

Postby CanadianWolf » Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:23 pm

That's a matter of opinion. Any first generation college student working full time while enrolled full time should get positive attention. I do agree, however, that the OP's version seems somewhat weak because of its length & breadth.

cartercl
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Re: Addendum Critique

Postby cartercl » Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:26 pm

Yeah. As it's written, it's not very effective. But I do think if it was written better it could have somewhat of a positive effect.
Last edited by cartercl on Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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blackwater88
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Re: Addendum Critique

Postby blackwater88 » Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:26 pm

CanadianWolf wrote:That's a matter of opinion. Any first generation college student working full time while enrolled full time should get positive attention. I do agree, however, that the OP's version seems somewhat weak because of its length & breadth.


I'm a first generation student, didn't arrive here until I was in middle school, worked full time throughout my undergrad career and managed to get a 3.6 (not very high but I'm happy with it). If the OP and I apply to the same schools, I feel she might sound whiny if there are other applicants with stories similar to mine.




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