Postby 2807 » Sun Sep 05, 2010 3:16 pm
The main issue is that your PS is not a PS--- It is a life story.
You will benefit from a little homework on what a PS is supposed to be. You assumed a nice little synopsis of your life, motivation, and achievements is a PS. That is wrong. And--that is why a good one is hard to write.
You need to focus on one event, issue, moment, or item and build two pages, double spaced, 12pt font, around that. WIth good, clean, declarative sentences. No passive stuff. Assert your statement! -- but before you can assert it-- You have to define it-- START THERE.
Even if you choose to define it as " Jesus told me so,", then stick with that small snapshot of a focused concept--- and claw out two coherent pages.
I think you are all over the place for two reasons:
1. You did not read the directions before you started (welcome to the club-- easily fixed)
2. It is very hard to write a coherent two page PS on how Jesus directed you here, and why that makes you a value--and not a liability.
Remember, it is faith not fact. If I had had the same faith in a head of lettuce would my PS be strong or weak? To some of us this PS is considered in the same capacity. And that is not good. That is a risk you take with the ad-com that reads this. Will they be impressed? Is that risk worth it? NO.
Hitler was a Christian, Jim Jones was a Christian, The South declared themselves " a Christian nation" with the Lord's blessing of their slaves. Do not wave the Christian flag and expect people to confer respect, honor, and so forth. History is no friend to Christianity. I say this is way too risky. Unless you are going to a Christian school that requires this level of faith. And then I say... good luck.
Try a PS on: drive, ambition, family, education, leadership, valor, dreams, achievement, lessons learned, charity, or compassion. If a final draft on every other topic you can think of does not work.... then try religion. Even then, I would only emphasize the good that comes from your religious beliefs, and not the belief itself--
You know, the good part-- that has nothing to do with religion like: drive, ambition, family, education, leadership, valor, dreams, achievement, lessons learned, charity, or compassion.
**edit**: You do sound like a nice guy, nice family, great work ethics and results. Accentuate those admirable qualities. You will not be diminishing your faith by accentuating these other qualities. The goal here is to get you into the law school you desire. You can do that without the religion link. You have plenty of real-life to pull from. Relax, and come back with a new one.
People here are very helpful.... Blunt, but helpful.
Last edited by
2807 on Sun Sep 05, 2010 3:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.