Diversity Statement from non-URM -- Comments appreciated

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
vsl89
Posts: 135
Joined: Sun Jun 27, 2010 10:49 am

Diversity Statement from non-URM -- Comments appreciated

Postby vsl89 » Fri Sep 03, 2010 5:34 pm

Thanks for the comment!
Last edited by vsl89 on Fri Sep 03, 2010 10:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
thesybarite
Posts: 108
Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 7:35 pm

Re: Diversity Statement from non-URM -- Comments appreciated

Postby thesybarite » Fri Sep 03, 2010 7:35 pm

I think the concept of this is good. It shows a different perspective which is great for diversifying the student body.

I wonder if you could cut it down to 2/3 the length though? Towards the end, when you start talking about the phone call I feel as if it starts to drift a little.

Also I'm not too keen on the Harry reference at the start, I would be inclined to start at, "A symbol of religious conviction, the...". Start the way you mean to continue. The simile may be creative, but what you really want here is clarity and attention to your topic. This is highly subjective however!!

Your main points are religion and a commitment to the environment, is that right?

Make it short, sharp, strong.

Hope this helps

vsl89
Posts: 135
Joined: Sun Jun 27, 2010 10:49 am

Re: Diversity Statement from non-URM -- Comments appreciated

Postby vsl89 » Fri Sep 03, 2010 9:59 pm

thesybarite wrote:I think the concept of this is good. It shows a different perspective which is great for diversifying the student body.

I wonder if you could cut it down to 2/3 the length though? Towards the end, when you start talking about the phone call I feel as if it starts to drift a little.

Also I'm not too keen on the Harry reference at the start, I would be inclined to start at, "A symbol of religious conviction, the...". Start the way you mean to continue. The simile may be creative, but what you really want here is clarity and attention to your topic. This is highly subjective however!!

Your main points are religion and a commitment to the environment, is that right?

Make it short, sharp, strong.

Hope this helps


I am also wondering whether the Potter reference is a little childish. And yeah, you picked up on the themes perfectly! I will definitely try to edit out some of the flab later on.




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.