Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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beachbum
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby beachbum » Wed Sep 01, 2010 12:31 pm

WeX11788 wrote:To those who gave insight (alanrickman, El Gallo, etc) thanks for the input. That's the kind of critique I was looking for. This is my first PS after having read only a few. I obviously posted this to work on it. LOL @ FSU comment, true.



Got to LOL @ "sophia.olive". You've posted in here like over 5 times, and actually edited some of the posts! You're putting wayyyy too much thought into this thread, but I guess that comes with emotional attachment. Something in here must have struck a nerve; want to talk about it? I guess that's what gross girls from Missouri do though. If this is your chance to shine from behind a computer, you can go right ahead :wink: I just wish you wouldn't clog my thread.


You just had to take the low-blow to Missouri, didn't you? We get no respect.

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sophia.olive
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby sophia.olive » Wed Sep 01, 2010 12:31 pm

WeX11788 wrote:To those who gave insight (alanrickman, El Gallo, etc) thanks for the input. That's the kind of critique I was looking for. This is my first PS after having read only a few. I obviously posted this to work on it. LOL @ FSU comment, true.



Got to LOL @ "sophia.olive". You've posted in here like over 5 times, and actually edited some of the posts! You're putting wayyyy too much thought into this thread, but I guess that comes with emotional attachment. Something in here must have struck a nerve; want to talk about it? I guess that's what gross girls from Missouri do though. If this is your chance to shine from behind a computer, you can go right ahead :wink: I just wish you wouldn't clog my thread.


Yeah sorry, I think i'm just really attracted to your personality and I am dealing with it in a bad defensive way. You hit the nail on the head...... can i PM you?

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WeX11788
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby WeX11788 » Wed Sep 01, 2010 12:40 pm

sophia.olive wrote:
WeX11788 wrote:To those who gave insight (alanrickman, El Gallo, etc) thanks for the input. That's the kind of critique I was looking for. This is my first PS after having read only a few. I obviously posted this to work on it. LOL @ FSU comment, true.



Got to LOL @ "sophia.olive". You've posted in here like over 5 times, and actually edited some of the posts! You're putting wayyyy too much thought into this thread, but I guess that comes with emotional attachment. Something in here must have struck a nerve; want to talk about it? I guess that's what gross girls from Missouri do though. If this is your chance to shine from behind a computer, you can go right ahead :wink: I just wish you wouldn't clog my thread.


Yeah sorry, I think i'm just really attracted to your personality and I am dealing with it in a bad defensive way. You hit the nail on the head...... can i PM you?

Haha. The thing is though, you likely would be, although I suspect you swing the other way (nothing wrong with that, of course). Regardless, you're not really my type. I'm not shallow, but I do require a certan level of physical attraction, of which seems very doubtful I could ever have with you. Girls who have hundreds of posts and cyber-bully on a law school admissions forum aren't really for me. After all, you were in fact logged on here at 7AM when I posted my PS, and hours later I come back and you're STILL not done with your montage of posting. I don't think it would work out, babe.

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sophia.olive
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby sophia.olive » Wed Sep 01, 2010 12:46 pm

I would change for you!!!!

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beachbum
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby beachbum » Wed Sep 01, 2010 12:47 pm

Sometimes TLS makes me so happy.

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Marionberry
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby Marionberry » Wed Sep 01, 2010 12:48 pm

Image

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WeX11788
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby WeX11788 » Wed Sep 01, 2010 12:51 pm

Marionberry wrote:Image

Oh boy, he's using the word "troll" and posting googled forum pictures. Wait, but best of all, his avatar is a Glock picture LMAO!!!
The irony. Oh, the irony.

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Marionberry
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby Marionberry » Wed Sep 01, 2010 12:56 pm

How is it ironic?

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WeX11788
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby WeX11788 » Wed Sep 01, 2010 12:57 pm

Marionberry wrote:How is it ironic?

Because you're a nerd yet your avatar reflects something macho.


That being said, pic plz.

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Marionberry
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby Marionberry » Wed Sep 01, 2010 1:04 pm

I happen to be a nerdy gun nut. I fail to see the irony in that.

What is ironic, however, is that I posted the "successful troll is successful" meme, and then I allow myself to be successfully trolled by you.

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WeX11788
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby WeX11788 » Wed Sep 01, 2010 1:11 pm

Marionberry wrote:I happen to be a nerdy gun nut. I fail to see the irony in that.

What is ironic, however, is that I posted the "successful troll is successful" meme, and then I allow myself to be successfully trolled by you.

A nerdy gun?.......................................... :roll: But props on refuting the machoness of the gun and not that you're a nerd. I actually respect that.

I don't want to go back and forth with you, I'm just having some fun during my lunch.


Still looking for input.

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paratactical
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby paratactical » Wed Sep 01, 2010 1:56 pm

i feel compelled to the point i’m willing to write (and i’m from iowa so imposition is a slow, agonizing death) with a request that we might take a moment (water fountain break, going to nelly and claire’s shop downstairs, getting printouts) to think about how many people (native americans, americans, non-native americans, non-american natives) are bummed today because a mascot they find offensive remains on the second column of the sports page and on a kid’s hat and on espn’s score ticker (and, to a lesser extent, on cnn headline sport’s score ticker).
obviously in writing this email, my end position on this matter is pretty clear, but i still, at times, try to make sense of whether or not the mascot is /that/ offensive or even that important an issue to fight. in saying that, i’m just saying i’m willing to chat about it to make sense of it, and i hope others are as well.

HyeMart
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby HyeMart » Wed Sep 01, 2010 6:43 pm

OP is a total douche.

/thread

DreamShake
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby DreamShake » Thu Sep 02, 2010 12:19 am

edit: somehow double posted :(
Last edited by DreamShake on Thu Sep 02, 2010 12:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

DreamShake
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby DreamShake » Thu Sep 02, 2010 12:19 am

Marionberry wrote:It was, in fact, frighteningly gumptious.


This literally made me laugh out loud.



Assuming this isn't a flame, and out of the most basic sense of humanity that compels me not to let a person step in front of a bus (and because I have nothing better to do ATM): if you want to go to law school, you should write a completely new personal statement. My thoughts as I read the essay:


Woke up out of a dead sleep. I have no idea why, but I started writing it in my head and couldn't stop, so I knew I'd never be able to fall back asleep until I started writing. Here it is:

(Yes, I realize this isn't part of the essay; still...)Oh, no. It's one of those people who believes himself/herself to be a genius who has been struck by an epiphany of brilliance at 4AM. Well, maybe it'll have some potential and just be a little rough...

So I’ve made it to the point where I am to write my personal statement—that is, my law school personal statement. "..."Alas, it’s my big moment in trying to get you to like me. "Your writing is grammatically flawed, and this is going to turn into one of those 'Oh, check me out, I'm so f***ing awesome I'll write this s**t with no effort and just simply amaze you with my innate brilliance and perfectly honed writing.' I should stop reading right now." There are a few obvious routes I can take here: (1) I can tell you some long, well-calculated, analogous story (likely made up or exaggerated"Uhh...no.") about an event in my life that somehow worked out so conveniently to shape me into the wonderful human-being that I am today "I don't think you know what 'analogous' means...and what is this 'wonderful human-being' bull?"; or (2) I can brag about both my endless list of accomplishments and lengthy repertoire of talents "Lengthy repertoire of talents? You better be the modern f**ing Renaissance man if you're going to brag about a 'lengthy repertoire of talents.' " in order to convince you that I’m better than my competition. The former will likely put you to sleep and the latter is too incredibly cheesy for me to ever take part in, so I’m going to take an alternate route. "Yeah, sure..." I’m going take my route. *Grimacing* I’m not positive whether or not it’s going to be beneficial or detrimental to my application process, but I’m just going to flat-out give you my story. "Definitely detrimental." I can live with that. "You must have really low standards." At the very least, my story will provide some entertainment value—something that I for some reason doubt is a commonplace amongst the average personal statement. "For some reason? *Annoyed at pretentiousness* Your f***ing bad grammar is distracting me too much for me to enjoy any alleged humor."

I got my head smashed in at the hands of another kid for my first time during my first month in middle school as a sixth grader. It was my first real fight, I suppose, but it certainly wasn’t my last. "Bravo. You want a cookie? You're talking to somebody who has sustained a stab wound, four concussions, two broken bones, two fractured skulls, and five broken teeth. If you didn't get shot, this is just going to annoy me." At the time, I blamed all of my bleeding on the fact that I had braces, but boot-kicks to the mouth will do that to you regardless. Plus, he had braces too, so I had no excuse. *Mildly amused* Apparently, I had stuck my nose in the wrong business. I stood up for a kid I had known in elementary school—a weaker boy. He wasn’t a fighter; it wasn’t in his nature by any means. He was a nice kid. Bottom line, he was getting bullied. "So...you're going to convince me you're an uber-conscientious saint?" There’s something inside of me that could never tolerate bullies, "Called it. 'I just couldn't take it!'--what a f**ing joke." especially when the victim was undeserving—and believe me, this kid was undeserving. Unfortunately, I didn’t meet the physical requirements to be the hero, especially not in this scenario. I was small even for my age, and my newly-acquired enemy was of considerable size for his age (an older age than me, mind you). Excuse the cliché, but when I interrupted his reign of terror upon his victim—my elementary acquaintance—I was saved by the bell. That didn’t change the fact that my adversary was plenty pissed off, so he waited for me after school. Let’s just say he was waiting in the right place. Case closed. *Zzzz*


Situations like these took place time and time again throughout my childhood. Make no mistake; I didn’t always get beat up, but I was constantly getting into fights and other kinds of trouble. I developed a core of friends in middle school that would last even until today. "Why is your grammar is f***ing horrible??" It was a rough crowd of kids, a lot of which were either from broken homes or were poorly supervised. I won’t call my home broken but I will say that I was poorly supervised. Both of my parents worked and bills were always tight. I didn’t have anyone to hold my hand. “I packed my own lunch”, as I so often like to put it. Without any older siblings, I had to in so many ways raise myself. Consequently, I grew up fast. *Crickets chirping among utter lack of sympathy and annoyed derision aimed at self-pitying pansy, who is unsuccessfully attempting not to sound self-pitying.*


More times than I can even count, my teachers—typically my English teachers—would pull me aside after class and give me the “you’re-so-gifted-please-choose-new-friends” lecture. "You're seriously playing the 'I was always different; I was the one with potential!' card? I refuse to read any more of this shit."
.....
.....
.....
I’m excited to become a lawyer. Honestly, I’m made to do this. I’m not a fan of numbers and I’m not a brain. I’d make a lackadaisical accountant and I’d be a crappy doctor; however, I will fulfill a dominant career in law. I’m loud, outspoken, articulate, and well-writ. My Mom always told me that if all else failed, my handsome looks would save me. So, if I’ve scared you away with my story, I leave you with that—but I guess you’ll have to give me the benefit of the doubt. "I don't have to give you shit. I can't believe I decided to read the last paragraph. I should have just smashed lightbulbs into my eyes. I'll never get those 15 seconds back." *Momentary reflection on how stupid the whole essay has been and how an adcomm would react to it, followed by hysterical laughter.*


As you can see, you quickly and effectively alienate your reader. You then proceed to annoy him and cause him to resent wasting his time on your essay. You should scrap this essay and come up with something new.

cartercl
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby cartercl » Thu Sep 02, 2010 12:39 am

Much progress being made here... OP, you be probably be spending this time working on your PS, not going tit-for-tat with other TLSers. Just a suggestion. Good luck.

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Intraining
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby Intraining » Thu Sep 02, 2010 1:59 am

DreamShake wrote:
Marionberry wrote:It was, in fact, frighteningly gumptious.


This literally made me laugh out loud.



Assuming this isn't a flame, and out of the most basic sense of humanity that compels me not to let a person step in front of a bus (and because I have nothing better to do ATM): if you want to go to law school, you should write a completely new personal statement. My thoughts as I read the essay:


Woke up out of a dead sleep. I have no idea why, but I started writing it in my head and couldn't stop, so I knew I'd never be able to fall back asleep until I started writing. Here it is:

(Yes, I realize this isn't part of the essay; still...)Oh, no. It's one of those people who believes himself/herself to be a genius who has been struck by an epiphany of brilliance at 4AM. Well, maybe it'll have some potential and just be a little rough...

So I’ve made it to the point where I am to write my personal statement—that is, my law school personal statement. "..."Alas, it’s my big moment in trying to get you to like me. "Your writing is grammatically flawed, and this is going to turn into one of those 'Oh, check me out, I'm so f***ing awesome I'll write this s**t with no effort and just simply amaze you with my innate brilliance and perfectly honed writing.' I should stop reading right now." There are a few obvious routes I can take here: (1) I can tell you some long, well-calculated, analogous story (likely made up or exaggerated"Uhh...no.") about an event in my life that somehow worked out so conveniently to shape me into the wonderful human-being that I am today "I don't think you know what 'analogous' means...and what is this 'wonderful human-being' bull?"; or (2) I can brag about both my endless list of accomplishments and lengthy repertoire of talents "Lengthy repertoire of talents? You better be the modern f**ing Renaissance man if you're going to brag about a 'lengthy repertoire of talents.' " in order to convince you that I’m better than my competition. The former will likely put you to sleep and the latter is too incredibly cheesy for me to ever take part in, so I’m going to take an alternate route. "Yeah, sure..." I’m going take my route. *Grimacing* I’m not positive whether or not it’s going to be beneficial or detrimental to my application process, but I’m just going to flat-out give you my story. "Definitely detrimental." I can live with that. "You must have really low standards." At the very least, my story will provide some entertainment value—something that I for some reason doubt is a commonplace amongst the average personal statement. "For some reason? *Annoyed at pretentiousness* Your f***ing bad grammar is distracting me too much for me to enjoy any alleged humor."

I got my head smashed in at the hands of another kid for my first time during my first month in middle school as a sixth grader. It was my first real fight, I suppose, but it certainly wasn’t my last. "Bravo. You want a cookie? You're talking to somebody who has sustained a stab wound, four concussions, two broken bones, two fractured skulls, and five broken teeth. If you didn't get shot, this is just going to annoy me." At the time, I blamed all of my bleeding on the fact that I had braces, but boot-kicks to the mouth will do that to you regardless. Plus, he had braces too, so I had no excuse. *Mildly amused* Apparently, I had stuck my nose in the wrong business. I stood up for a kid I had known in elementary school—a weaker boy. He wasn’t a fighter; it wasn’t in his nature by any means. He was a nice kid. Bottom line, he was getting bullied. "So...you're going to convince me you're an uber-conscientious saint?" There’s something inside of me that could never tolerate bullies, "Called it. 'I just couldn't take it!'--what a f**ing joke." especially when the victim was undeserving—and believe me, this kid was undeserving. Unfortunately, I didn’t meet the physical requirements to be the hero, especially not in this scenario. I was small even for my age, and my newly-acquired enemy was of considerable size for his age (an older age than me, mind you). Excuse the cliché, but when I interrupted his reign of terror upon his victim—my elementary acquaintance—I was saved by the bell. That didn’t change the fact that my adversary was plenty pissed off, so he waited for me after school. Let’s just say he was waiting in the right place. Case closed. *Zzzz*


Situations like these took place time and time again throughout my childhood. Make no mistake; I didn’t always get beat up, but I was constantly getting into fights and other kinds of trouble. I developed a core of friends in middle school that would last even until today. "Why is your grammar is f***ing horrible??" It was a rough crowd of kids, a lot of which were either from broken homes or were poorly supervised. I won’t call my home broken but I will say that I was poorly supervised. Both of my parents worked and bills were always tight. I didn’t have anyone to hold my hand. “I packed my own lunch”, as I so often like to put it. Without any older siblings, I had to in so many ways raise myself. Consequently, I grew up fast. *Crickets chirping among utter lack of sympathy and annoyed derision aimed at self-pitying pansy, who is unsuccessfully attempting not to sound self-pitying.*


More times than I can even count, my teachers—typically my English teachers—would pull me aside after class and give me the “you’re-so-gifted-please-choose-new-friends” lecture. "You're seriously playing the 'I was always different; I was the one with potential!' card? I refuse to read any more of this shit."
.....
.....
.....
I’m excited to become a lawyer. Honestly, I’m made to do this. I’m not a fan of numbers and I’m not a brain. I’d make a lackadaisical accountant and I’d be a crappy doctor; however, I will fulfill a dominant career in law. I’m loud, outspoken, articulate, and well-writ. My Mom always told me that if all else failed, my handsome looks would save me. So, if I’ve scared you away with my story, I leave you with that—but I guess you’ll have to give me the benefit of the doubt. "I don't have to give you shit. I can't believe I decided to read the last paragraph. I should have just smashed lightbulbs into my eyes. I'll never get those 15 seconds back." *Momentary reflection on how stupid the whole essay has been and how an adcomm would react to it, followed by hysterical laughter.*


As you can see, you quickly and effectively alienate your reader. You then proceed to annoy him and cause him to resent wasting his time on your essay. You should scrap this essay and come up with something new.


Easily the funniest thing i have seen on TLS

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PDaddy
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby PDaddy » Thu Sep 02, 2010 2:17 am

Maybe you should avoid writing personal statements out of your dead sleep (presumably after having smoked a fat-one before retiring for the night). Nobody can write a their best personal statement in a day, or even a week. Your best work takes at least a month no matter who you are! What I read in your statement is that you are a lazy, arrogant and insecure person who wants TLSers to validate all of it by telling him that his statement is good enough right now. It is unacceptable by any standard.

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sophia.olive
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby sophia.olive » Thu Sep 02, 2010 2:19 am

OP I think the best thing you can do is try to hide your personality as much as you can with your PS.

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moopness
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby moopness » Thu Sep 02, 2010 2:55 am

That was the cheesiest PoS I've ever read. But other than that, IT'S GOLD! :D

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Ford Prefect
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby Ford Prefect » Thu Sep 02, 2010 4:29 am

WeX11788 wrote:To those who gave insight (alanrickman, El Gallo, etc) thanks for the input. That's the kind of critique I was looking for. This is my first PS after having read only a few. I obviously posted this to work on it. LOL @ FSU comment, true.



Got to LOL @ "sophia.olive". You've posted in here like over 5 times, and actually edited some of the posts! You're putting wayyyy too much thought into this thread, but I guess that comes with emotional attachment. Something in here must have struck a nerve; want to talk about it? I guess that's what gross girls from Missouri do though. If this is your chance to shine from behind a computer, you can go right ahead :wink: I just wish you wouldn't clog my thread.


Go figure, the posters who came in here acting insulting are the ones with hundreds of posts on a LAW SCHOOL ADMISSIONS website, mind you. It's not so entirely difficult to figure these people out. So you guys kept posting after getting into law school? So cool. So Risque. So Badass.

:shock:

Sophia, it might be time to go into hiding.

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esq
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby esq » Thu Sep 02, 2010 4:40 am

This has got to be a joke. If not, PM me for a list of all the schools that I plan to apply to. If you could then apply to all of the same schools, you'd be doing me a solid by giving my admission possibilities a boost. Hell, I'm thinking that they might even auto-admit me if they happened to read my PS directly after yours.

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joemoviebuff
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby joemoviebuff » Thu Sep 02, 2010 4:58 am

Without quoting the whole text, I would just like to tell DreamShake that I'm amused.

perfecthedge
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby perfecthedge » Thu Sep 02, 2010 5:07 am

This is probably one of the worst essays I have ever read--and I used to tutor English at a community college. I'm not sure if it's because it has words that he clearly doesn't know how to use (he will fulfill a dominant career in law? what?) or because it conveys no sense of accomplishment and no sense of self-awareness. At best its the work of an intelligent 11-year old boy.

I wouldn't be this harsh if it weren't for the OP's trolling.

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12AngryMen
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Re: Woke up at 4 AM and wrote my Personal Statement

Postby 12AngryMen » Thu Sep 02, 2010 5:23 am

sophia.olive wrote:I would change for you!!!!


LOL




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