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This is a response to a specific essay question on my motivation to be a lawyer. Please don't hold back, I want to tear it down and make it something memorable. I hate doing these but here it goes:

My motivation for becoming a lawyer has grown organically out of being an archaeologist; I would like help ensure that laws protecting our natural resources are fairly and consistently implemented preventing and mitigating the environmental impacts of development and preserving our natural resources for the benefit of this and future generations.

I began my college studies with a passion for the environment and the interaction of indigenous peoples with it. As a result, I took a diverse number of courses that fed and furthered this interest. Through this exploration I was able to find a path that both interested and challenged me; Archaeology. Once I realized my goal I began taking every anthropology class I could fit into my schedule, participating in field excavations in Belize and Hawaii, and finally obtaining employment as an archaeological technician with a Cultural Resource Management (CRM) firm in Hawaii.

CRM introduced a whole new aspect to archaeology that I had not experienced while attending college. It exposed me to the numerous laws and regulations that drive and support my industry. As a contract archaeologist my job is largely to navigate clients through the process of compliance with these state and federal laws, trying to find a balance between the interests of the client and the protection of the resources. To that end I have traveled all over the Great Basin and Intermountain West, logging more than 50,000 acres and over 1,000 linear miles of pedestrian survey. These travels have allowed me to go to place that few have seen before and exposed me to some of the most beautiful and tragic vistas in the Western United States. I have been to numerous locations knowing that I would likely be the last person to see the area before it was bulldozed, excavated, or otherwise destroyed by development. It is the experience of losing these scenic places that has motivated me to become a lawyer.

Additionally, I believe my experience as an archaeologist has uniquely prepared me for practicing as an environmental lawyer. As an archaeologist I direct junior staff in the completion of archaeological surveys and the recordation archaeological sites; managing both time and budgetary constraints while under strict deadlines. I counsel subordinates on responsible actions while they are in the field and have prevented the well intentioned but nevertheless destructive removal of artifacts. I strive for a paradigm shift in their understanding and execution of their duties to protect the sites for future study. I have intimate knowledge of many of the existing environmental laws as they relate to Cultural and Natural Resources; completing numerous reports for compliance with the National Historic Preservation Act of 1966 (NHPA), the National Environmental Policy Act of 1969 (NEPA), the Archaeological and Historical Conservation Act of 1974, the Comprehensive Environmental Response, Compensation, and Liability Act of 1980 (CERCLA), the Clean Water Act of 1977 (CWA), and other pertinent legislation and implementing regulations.

I believe the _____ programs at _____ University School of Law will build on this experience , helping to shape my career and path to becoming an Environmental Lawyer. (Discussion of specific school)

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Nothing??? Well if there is no hate mail it can't be to bad or it is so bad no one can think of a way to make it better.

I would nix the first paragraph and start with "I began my college studies. . ."
Can you elaborate more on "It is the experience of losing these scenic places that has motivated me to become a lawyer." Do you want to try to stop development? What would having the law degree allow you to do that you are not doing now.

Also, this part drags on: "National Historic Preservation Act of 1966 (NHPA), the National Environmental Policy Act of 1969 (NEPA), the Archaeological and Historical Conservation Act of 1974, the Comprehensive Environmental Response, Compensation, and Liability Act of 1980 (CERCLA), the Clean Water Act of 1977 (CWA)," It screams "Look at me - I know some laws."

I would have the first paragraph as "I began my college studies. . .", then combine the next two paragraphs into one about your experience as an archaelogist, then a third paragraph about what you want to do as a lawyer, then the fourth one about the school.