mdallavis wrote: stratocophic wrote:
mdallavis wrote:Also, saying "I believe..." (or "I think..." for that matter) is weak.
Make it a strong statement of fact, not a wishy-washy opinion. And back it up - why do you KNOW you can effect change?
That's just what I think.
Maybe it's a personal thing, but I'd go with more of a desire to effect change - e.g. "I want to effect change on the institutional level by/I would like to effect change on the institutional level by" or even "I intend to effect change on the institutional level by"
IMO making it a sure, definitive statement seems a little trite/presumptuous... I'd go with earnest, noobish determination.
In this instance I'd agree with you, especially not knowing much more about the OP's personal statement. OP could even stick with the "I believe" statement so long as it is followed with how that change will happen.
In general, though, I don't think making a definitive statement is presumptuous, so long as it backed with facts.
"I believe" and "I think" sound really, really terrible in personal statements, in my opinion. It sounds wishy-washy and like a 6th grade opinion paper. Definitive statements sound more mature and well thought-out.
There are some cases where it might sound better to have "I believe" or "I think" but in general, I think* people just aren't used to being self-assured or writing with a specific purpose. Also, "I want" sounds much better.
*Like right here, for example.