medical personal statement

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
sally o'malley
Posts: 14
Joined: Tue May 11, 2010 3:35 pm

medical personal statement

Postby sally o'malley » Thu Aug 26, 2010 10:52 am

Hi....1st draft personal statement. Would appreciate a critique if anyone has the time. The school I'm applying to also requires a 'why X school, why law' statement that I haven't written yet. I've been out of school for quite awhile, so my grammar may not be outstanding. I'm not sure I like my topic, or the entire statement....especially the last paragraph (800 word limit, too). Thanks.

Also, I'm only applying to my state law school, not highly ranked. So keep in mind that I'm not trying to wow Harvard admissions or anything. :)
Last edited by sally o'malley on Thu Aug 26, 2010 3:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CanadianWolf
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Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: medical personal statement

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Aug 26, 2010 11:11 am

One of the best personal statements that I have read in terms of sincerity, mature insights, clear writing & persuasiveness.

sally o'malley
Posts: 14
Joined: Tue May 11, 2010 3:35 pm

Re: medical personal statement

Postby sally o'malley » Thu Aug 26, 2010 11:56 am

Really?! That makes me feel quite a bit better, thank you! Do you think I should leave it alone aside from correcting the little grammatical errors? I've tried writing about other topics, but they didn't seem to flow as well. Hopefully I will be satisfied with this, so I can move on to something else! Thanks again.

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Marionberry
Posts: 1302
Joined: Fri Apr 23, 2010 9:24 pm

Re: medical personal statement

Postby Marionberry » Thu Aug 26, 2010 12:17 pm

I think it's really good. You do a good job of expressing why your experiences in a "helping" profession demonstrate qualities that will make you a good lawyer. Our statements are kind of similar in that respect, so I'll PM mine to you. I'm not much for micro-editing, but you may be able to polish it up a little bit more. The lack of formatting in forum posts makes it hard to get a good feel for structure and flow.

Overall, topic and tone and content are very good.

lparker
Posts: 148
Joined: Thu Jun 10, 2010 10:14 am

Re: medical personal statement

Postby lparker » Thu Aug 26, 2010 1:27 pm

It's really good! I'm sure the nursing profession will miss you greatly. You sound like a caring and compassionate person.

The only suggestion I have is to change the first sentence of your second to last paragraph to "I still have the green beaded keychain Emma gave me four years ago."

CanadianWolf
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Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: medical personal statement

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Aug 26, 2010 1:35 pm

I disagree with the above suggested change because it places the focus on Emma & not on your memories of that learning experience.

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ArchRoark
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Joined: Sat Jul 03, 2010 2:53 pm

Re: medical personal statement

Postby ArchRoark » Thu Aug 26, 2010 2:16 pm

One of the best I have read as well. Well done.

lparker
Posts: 148
Joined: Thu Jun 10, 2010 10:14 am

Re: medical personal statement

Postby lparker » Thu Aug 26, 2010 2:53 pm

CanadianWolf wrote:I disagree with the above suggested change because it places the focus on Emma & not on your memories of that learning experience.


Perhaps you should take CW's advice. I've read literally thousands of medical school apps/personal statements and I might be thinking of your PS in those terms--patient oriented. Ultimately you make the changes... But, if you're going to use someone else's story, and in this case tragedy, it's not exactly a bad thing if they have "some" focus in your PS. And, by adding her name one more time I sincerely doubt your audience will forget whose PS they're reading.

sally o'malley
Posts: 14
Joined: Tue May 11, 2010 3:35 pm

Re: medical personal statement

Postby sally o'malley » Thu Aug 26, 2010 3:38 pm

Thanks for all of the input. Actually, I was considering placing Emma's name at the end there as well....I was a little worried that I sounded a little self absorbed by focusing too much on my reaction to her death....making her death seem less important than my feelings. So I think putting her name in that place would remind admissions that I care about both the lessons I learned and the fact that she's gone. Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it. Now, on to the October LSAT. :shock:




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