Quick Grammar Question

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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abitaman6363
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Quick Grammar Question

Postby abitaman6363 » Wed Aug 25, 2010 11:50 pm

Answered
Last edited by abitaman6363 on Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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maroonzoon
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Re: Quick Grammar Question

Postby maroonzoon » Thu Aug 26, 2010 12:17 am

abitaman6363 wrote:Quick grammar question. Thanks for anyone who can chime in.

The endeavors have paid off: this summer two American volunteers returned to SGA, and together we installed a much-needed generator and constructed the district’s first library. For hundreds of young women in at least one region, the mountaintop is inching closer.

Is the colon acceptable in this case? I think it is since it's introducing a topic. However, I don't normally see colons followed by two independent clauses.

Thanks for any help.


I think a dash would be more appropriate. Also, say "The endeavors paid off" instead. "The endeavors have paid off" is passive.

Burger in a can
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Re: Quick Grammar Question

Postby Burger in a can » Thu Aug 26, 2010 12:21 am

You can (and IMO should!) just use a period.

afa_brandon
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Re: Quick Grammar Question

Postby afa_brandon » Sun Aug 29, 2010 9:51 am

. Also, say "The endeavors paid off" instead. "The endeavors have paid off" is passive.


+1


Passive voice is sad

vs

Passive voice saddens me


always opt for action-y language

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2ofspades
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Re: Quick Grammar Question

Postby 2ofspades » Sun Aug 29, 2010 10:01 am

I agree about making it active but especially about using a dash. A colon is appropriate, but the dash is becoming the more stylish form of punctuation.

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thesybarite
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Re: Quick Grammar Question

Postby thesybarite » Sun Aug 29, 2010 10:07 am

From what I understand, you could use a semi-colon here. I could be wrong though... I think you can use one when you're joining two sentences that could stand alone, and these two could which was my first thought. Might make it punchier and more effective with a little rearranging.
I personally love using a dash but I'm not sure if it's as appropriate in academic/formal writing?

justadude55
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Re: Quick Grammar Question

Postby justadude55 » Sun Aug 29, 2010 10:15 am

abitaman6363 wrote:Quick grammar question. Thanks for anyone who can chime in.

The endeavors have paid off: this summer two American volunteers returned to SGA, and together we installed a much-needed generator and constructed the district’s first library. For hundreds of young women in at least one region, the mountaintop is inching closer.

Is the colon acceptable in this case? I think it is since it's introducing a topic. However, I don't normally see colons followed by two independent clauses.

Thanks for any help.


I hate colons, and I don't believe it's called for here. It is a sentence on its own merit. Also why don't you say "the mountaintop is inching closer for..."? Wouldn't that be the proper syntax?

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2807
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Re: Quick Grammar Question

Postby 2807 » Sun Aug 29, 2010 10:18 am

I hope this gives you a healthy colon:

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/566/01/

Personally, I would make it its own sentence. Short, declarative sentences are awesome and powerful. Beef it up and knock'm out, rather than flower it up. (IMO)


Your comma in the second paragraph is questionable. Are you really thinking that first part is an introductory clause? Would this be what you are actually saying:

"For hundreds of young women the mountaintop is inching closer."

"For hundreds of young women, in at least one region, the mountaintop is inching closer."

"For hundreds of young women in this region the mountaintop is inching closer."

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afcanoe
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Re: Quick Grammar Question

Postby afcanoe » Sun Aug 29, 2010 10:32 am

abitaman6363 wrote:Quick grammar question. Thanks for anyone who can chime in.

The endeavors have paid off: this summer two American volunteers returned to SGA, and together we installed a much-needed generator and constructed the district’s first library. For hundreds of young women in at least one region, the mountaintop is inching closer.

Is the colon acceptable in this case? I think it is since it's introducing a topic. However, I don't normally see colons followed by two independent clauses.

Thanks for any help.

You are using the colon correctly. However, the phrase "The endeavors have paid off" is awkward. I don't like it with the active revision, either. Maybe consider something like "Our efforts have paid off: this summer..."

Also: you need a comma after "summer," and I might consider revising the last sentence to say "In at least one region, the mountaintop is inching closer for hundreds of young women."

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2807
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Re: Quick Grammar Question

Postby 2807 » Sun Aug 29, 2010 10:36 am

The Owl at Purdue says you are NOT using the colon correctly. IMO


edit: After further review, it is a grey area. I would avoid it and go with a short declarative statement.

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MrKappus
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Re: Quick Grammar Question

Postby MrKappus » Sun Aug 29, 2010 10:47 am

afa_brandon wrote:
. Also, say "The endeavors paid off" instead. "The endeavors have paid off" is passive.


+1


Passive voice is sad

vs

Passive voice saddens me


always opt for action-y language


Not one, but two, TLSers don't know what passive voice is? This surprises me. The two versions of payoff quoted above are the present-perfect and simple past tenses. Neither are passive.

mcdad
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Re: Quick Grammar Question

Postby mcdad » Sun Aug 29, 2010 10:59 am

Thank you, MrKappus. I was starting to wonder if I knew what the passive voice was, when two people agreed on the wrong definition.

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2807
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Re: Quick Grammar Question

Postby 2807 » Sun Aug 29, 2010 11:01 am

HAHHA.. I saw that too.
I was wanting to begin to tell you all that I started to think that may be passive too.

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zanda
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Re: Quick Grammar Question

Postby zanda » Sun Aug 29, 2010 11:19 am

also, the statement that active is always better than passive overgeneralizes.

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afcanoe
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Re: Quick Grammar Question

Postby afcanoe » Sun Aug 29, 2010 11:30 am

MrKappus wrote:
afa_brandon wrote:
. Also, say "The endeavors paid off" instead. "The endeavors have paid off" is passive.


+1


Passive voice is sad

vs

Passive voice saddens me


always opt for action-y language


Not one, but two, TLSers don't know what passive voice is? This surprises me. The two versions of payoff quoted above are the present-perfect and simple past tenses. Neither are passive.

Thank you! I didn't think they were passive, either, but I didn't want to take the time to research it to make sure.

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BigBuckey
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Re: Quick Grammar Question

Postby BigBuckey » Sun Aug 29, 2010 11:10 pm

The passive voice occurs when the subject is not doing the action, but is instead having the action done to them. For example, in the statement "The endeavors have paid off," "The endeavors" is the subject and is doing the action of paying off. To change this to the passive voice, one would have to add an object and make that object do the action. For example, "We have been paid off by the endeavors."

+1 to MrKappus, for what it's worth.




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