PS Help: Round 2 Forum
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- Posts: 12
- Joined: Mon Sep 28, 2009 9:21 pm
- haydee
- Posts: 67
- Joined: Sun Jul 11, 2010 12:57 pm
Re: PS Help: Round 2
I thought the general arc of your essay worked well, but I found some of your language to be a little distracting. Phrases like "melancholy occasion" or "critical piece of guidance" distance you from your topic. Having a strong vocabulary is great, but being able to write clearly, directly, and sincerely is better. I might also eliminate some of the modifiers, like "very" or "extremely"; they actually kind of take the wind out of your sails. You've definitely got something to say here, but I think part of your message is getting lost in 25 cent words and convoluted sentence structures.
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- Posts: 12
- Joined: Mon Sep 28, 2009 9:21 pm
Re: PS Help: Round 2
Thank you. I will edit with your advice in mind.haydee wrote:I thought the general arc of your essay worked well, but I found some of your language to be a little distracting. Phrases like "melancholy occasion" or "critical piece of guidance" distance you from your topic. Having a strong vocabulary is great, but being able to write clearly, directly, and sincerely is better. I might also eliminate some of the modifiers, like "very" or "extremely"; they actually kind of take the wind out of your sails. You've definitely got something to say here, but I think part of your message is getting lost in 25 cent words and convoluted sentence structures.