First (very) PS Rough Draft

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Spackledgoat
Posts: 27
Joined: Sat Jun 26, 2010 9:41 am

First (very) PS Rough Draft

Postby Spackledgoat » Mon Aug 16, 2010 2:12 pm

Terrible Essay Here.
Last edited by Spackledgoat on Wed Aug 18, 2010 5:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

lakerfanimal
Posts: 465
Joined: Sun Mar 30, 2008 1:22 am

Re: First (very) PS Rough Draft

Postby lakerfanimal » Mon Aug 16, 2010 2:24 pm

edit- took out since you decided to scrap it
Last edited by lakerfanimal on Thu Aug 19, 2010 3:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

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maroonzoon
Posts: 53
Joined: Thu Jul 08, 2010 9:38 pm

Re: First (very) PS Rough Draft

Postby maroonzoon » Wed Aug 18, 2010 5:30 am

Show, don't tell. Basically, delete any sentence that starts with "I am..." and think of specific examples. Better yet, tie everything to one detailed example.

Get rid of convoluted sentences and long words, they're boring to read after 1,000 essays.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: First (very) PS Rough Draft

Postby CanadianWolf » Wed Aug 18, 2010 8:58 am

This is a very poorly written essay & should not be submitted to law schools. Your proposed personal statement is little more than a collection of long & somewhat confusing sentences that offer scant insight to you and to your experiences.

Spackledgoat
Posts: 27
Joined: Sat Jun 26, 2010 9:41 am

Re: First (very) PS Rough Draft

Postby Spackledgoat » Wed Aug 18, 2010 5:52 pm

Thanks for the feedback. Seems like this one will be scrapped, the writing style I've been forced to use in a literature heavy master unlearned, and I'll have to return with version 2.0. Thank you for the help and the honesty :).




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