Feedback on my personal statement

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
username99
Posts: 445
Joined: Thu Jun 24, 2010 1:40 pm

Re: Feedback on my personal statement

Postby username99 » Tue Aug 17, 2010 9:43 pm

First of all, spell Rayburn right. Secondly, if you read through the essays on these forums, how many applicants' hearts pump loudly in the first sentence?

User avatar
Eugenie Danglars
Posts: 2353
Joined: Wed Jul 07, 2010 12:04 pm

Re: Feedback on my personal statement

Postby Eugenie Danglars » Tue Aug 17, 2010 11:20 pm

I'd be happy to edit it with Track Changes in Word, but I am not good at editing in a forum posting window...

I'm great with grammar and commas * hint hint *

mlle.danglars@gmail.com

User avatar
maroonzoon
Posts: 53
Joined: Thu Jul 08, 2010 9:38 pm

Re: Feedback on my personal statement

Postby maroonzoon » Wed Aug 18, 2010 5:06 am

Cut it down to one or two very meaningful stories. I would leave out IT altogether, since you said you are going to law school to save the world.

Besides the passive voice problem and commas, I think you are a victim of obfuscation. Write everything as simple and low-vocab as possible. Take every paragraph and rewrite it in half the words. Then do it again. Read some Hemingway.




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.