Personal Statement Help

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
User avatar
beidoun
Posts: 196
Joined: Tue Jan 26, 2010 11:27 am

Personal Statement Help

Postby beidoun » Tue Aug 10, 2010 3:11 pm

Hello,

I wrote my first draft. I did not do much editing so there might be some errors.

Thanks in advance.

July 12th 2006, my nineteenth birthday, a momentous occasion for many people across America with the new privileges and freedoms that come with it. My nineteenth birthday was important for more unique reasons. I never celebrated my nineteenth birthday. I never had a party and did not go out to dinner. My nineteenth birthday was the first day of a month long war in Lebanon.
The summer of 2006 was the summer that changed the course of my life forever. It was an experience I will never forget and do not want to relive. The experience could be characterized as frightening and surreal. Living in a bomb shelter was not the way I planned my vacation in paradise. Being feet away from bombs and inches away from death will have an impact on your life whether you like it or not. Fortunately that impact for me has been positive and inspirational.
Coming home from a near death experience changed my outlook on life. I was elated to wake up and smell the fresh air without having to worry about my next move. Feeling like a new man after my rocky summer, I came back to school with a sense of purpose. My focus after I came back from Lebanon was to assist people who could not avoid their situation and more specifically the dire situation across the Middle East.
Going to school in Dearborn, Michigan, I was at the center of the Arabic community in America. I had the platform to help the situation, so I aware that I had the opportunity to affect the situation in a positive way. University of Michigan-Dearborn is a commuter campus and has never been known for its vibrant campus life. Most events on campus were thrown by organizations and usually consisted of their members and friends. An event like the norm would do little to effect the situation in the way I imagined. I wanted something that could make a genuine difference and make a statement across a diverse campus that our generation needed to be the ones that initiated this call for peace across the Middle East. Initially I came up with numerous ideas that I thought could be successful and I started bringing people together to discuss the plans. I eventually came up with the plan to have numerous organizations come together to advocate for peace with a variety of activities during the event. The event grew at a fast pace and in two months over 20 organizations came together across campus to participate in the event Dance for Peace. Dance for Peace is an event to raise money and awareness for war victims in the Middle East.
The success of Dance for Peace is one of my proudest accomplishments and my finest moments. In its first year, the event had over three hundred guests and raised over fifteen hundred dollars for victims in the Middle East. It was a huge success around campus and that momentum lead to an even bigger success at the next years Dance for Peace. The next Dance for Peace was the biggest event in school history and raised over 2000 dollars for victims in the Middle East. Participating in events like these over my college career has given me the drive to continue to help the less fortunate in my professional career. I would love to continue my journey in public service in law school. My drive and desire to continue working in the non-profit field has given me the will to continue my education in the legal field. My life goals and career goals can come together while becoming an attorney and I feel like University of Michigan Law School can make my goals come to fruition.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Personal Statement Help

Postby CanadianWolf » Tue Aug 10, 2010 3:28 pm

You probably need to do a better personal statement than this attempt for the University of Michigan School of Law. This is your chance to sell yourself to the admissions committee members. Law school requires more intellectual depth & more insight into the various facets of life than you have offered in your essay. Your writing is too superficial to have any significant positive impact on the readers. If you were applying to the undergraduate program at the University of Michigan, then this essay would be sufficient to differentiate & distinguish your application from thousands of others, but this is an application to the law school which is, arguably, the most intellectually demanding professional graduate field of study. You have lived through traumatic experiences & come to know safety & opportunity which suggests that you have much more to share than your personal statement demonstrates.

User avatar
beidoun
Posts: 196
Joined: Tue Jan 26, 2010 11:27 am

Re: Personal Statement Help

Postby beidoun » Wed Aug 11, 2010 7:30 am

Thanks for the advice.




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.