PS Rought Draft...please feel free to be honest

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
charmin519
Posts: 23
Joined: Wed Jul 07, 2010 2:06 am

PS Rought Draft...please feel free to be honest

Postby charmin519 » Wed Jul 28, 2010 12:06 am

My feet were cold and I was sitting in front of an abandoned Marriott Hotel in downtown New Orleans. I longed to sleep in a hotel within the city but knew the safety of my employees would be jeopardized without the long commute from the neighboring Parrish. The smell of mildew filled the air and the emptiness of the streets articulated the true isolation of the once great city. The only resemblance of society was the occasional contractor and the military presence that was beginning their rounds to enforce the nightly curfew. This was an ordinary day as the owner of Coastal Coatings LLC and had been for the past eight months. My company had recently been awarded a regional contract for Home Depot and our first assignment was located in the after math of Hurricane Katrina. In the midst of this dangerous environment I realized the absolute necessity for law and its power to make order from chaos.

My interest in attending law school started with business law and began while formulating the necessary business plan and structure needed for financial backing and eventual incorporation. Initially I was bewildered with the array of legal questions but through due diligence I grasped the true depth in which laws were intertwined and necessary throughout all business sectors. As a twenty-one year old I drafted articles of organization, buy out agreements, analyzed personal and tax liabilities while simultaneously dissecting license and permit requirements that would dictate the states I could perform services in. With the aid of a knowledgeable attorney I was able to structure my business for long-term success and over a three year span was able to sustain thee hundred thousand annual revenues while attending undergraduate school full time.

Since starting my company, I’ve been able to gain further insight through corporate work experience, which has peaked my interest not only in business law but also international law. As a mechanical consultant for a publicly traded company, I’ve had the opportunity to witness merger acquisitions (M&A) and the complexity when performed across state borders. The legal consideration of stock purchases, asset purchases, contractual obligations, and warranties immensely affect the financial considerations and economical forecasting necessary for companies to properly access M&A opportunities. As a consultant, I regularly provide cost benefit analysis proposals with economical forecast that highlight potential return on investment (ROI); by quantifying numerous variables such as taxable depreciation of capital expenditure and utility escalation when compared to cost savings and federal energy credits. My forecasting experience combined with my knowledge as a business owner will give me a distinct advantage within contract and business law fields.

International law is a natural extension of the global nature of my interests in business and business law. Global companies are becoming a common entity and the need for attorneys to understand corporate law in a global aspect has grown exponentially in the past decade. The potential to be a part of this historic period and potentially help shape the global legal fabric has become a dream of mine.

By attending law school, I am seeking a more intellectually challenging work environment and a way to better utilize the skills I possess. I believe that Florida State University Law School has broad course offerings with specific interdisciplinary programs in business and international law that specifically suit my legal goals and past work experiences. As a Florida resident for the past eight years I’m very familiar with Tallahassee and the benefits it offers as the state capital in addition to it’s diverse and enthusiastic community. Furthermore, Florida State Law School has an outstanding reputation of producing strong attorneys and I believe that I can maximize my potential as a Florida attorney by graduating from the top law school within the state.

I bring a unique set of skills and experiences that will be invaluable to the law school classroom. I have proven work ethic culminating in successful entrepreneurial endeavors in addition to my current and outstanding national presence within my organization as a mechanical consultant. Upon graduation, I plan on working in a firm that specializes in business and international trade law. The combination of my interest in growing fields and my background will make me highly marketable to employers upon graduation. My success so far is not only a testament to my intellectual ability, but also the strength of my work ethic. I consider my past a means of shaping me into the individual I am today and I feel that my personal experiences will help me bring a unique and distinctively diverse perspective to Florida State University. It is therefore an intersection of my interest, desire for a greater challenge and the ability to open doors to diverse career opportunities that make Florida State University Law School the next step in my personal and professional growth.


A little background>>>>

I have a horrible UGPA and testing in 159-165 range. My UGPA has numerous W's because of work constraints as a business owner. Simply traveled the southeast and was required to do so base on contract awards. In one particular semester I dropped from all 5 classes (W's) because I was awarded a regional contract with Home Depot in the aftermath of Hurrican Katrina. I also have a few other W's because of similar circumstances. However, my final 66 credit hours consisted of one W and a 3.15 UGPA while running my company full time.

I plan to submit a UGPA addendum highlighting the difficulties with attendance which ultimately left me with a 2.67 UGPA. I basically had A's and B's but never could adhere to the attendance policies.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: PS Rought Draft...please feel free to be honest

Postby CanadianWolf » Wed Jul 28, 2010 12:18 am

This is a rough draft that is in need of substantial revision & streamlining. Too many details, not enough insight. Too long, yet it doesn't say enough about who you are, what influenced your development & how you view the world.
You have a lot to share, but it needs to be shared in a more effective fashion that conveys your experience & ambitions without so much irrelevant detail.

charmin519
Posts: 23
Joined: Wed Jul 07, 2010 2:06 am

Re: PS Rought Draft...please feel free to be honest

Postby charmin519 » Wed Jul 28, 2010 4:42 pm

So I'm assuming the following:

1) Cut out the international law paragraph.
2) Condense "original interest in law" and "specific interest in M&A" paragraphs.
3) Add another paragraph explaining the uniqueness of my business owner experience as a 21 year old and my current top 10 national rank with publicly traded company (26 years old).


What about my why YOUR LAW SCHOOL paragraph? Was it to standard or does it need a more personal approach?

What's the overall opinion of opening and closing paragraphs. As is?

Thanks for advice.

charmin519
Posts: 23
Joined: Wed Jul 07, 2010 2:06 am

Re: PS Rought Draft...please feel free to be honest

Postby charmin519 » Wed Jul 28, 2010 5:55 pm

Any other feedback out there?




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