Re: Ok - do I write a DS?
Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 2:40 pm
The job of an adcomm isn't to read your DS and say "is this authentic?" They are going to read your DS and say "Does this work as writing?" You have a point to make (being Bi and orthodox provided me with unique life experiences, and has made me a stronger person, one who gets involved in both communities. Or perhaps, it has proved a challenge in your life, an obstacle to overcome on a regular basis). Your statement should illustrate this point through specific events in your life.
The current statement you have amounts to "I'm bi, and orthodox. It's hard, people I know judge me. I still try to keep the faith, despite challenges." There is no color in it, no life. Talk about how the day you came out to your parents played out. Did your father have a coffee cup in his hands? Perhaps he clenched his fist around the handle and his knuckles turned white. Did your mother cry? Maybe you had a favorite niece or little cousin who, the next time you saw them, looked at you dissappointment. You say you aren't putting LGBT stuff in your PS, so you dont out yourself to certain people. Who are these people? Grandparents? The fact that you still can't talk to whoever they are about it for fear of losing those relationships is important.
I think I've said my piece. The story could be moving if you dig deeper. If you can write it correctly, it will help your application, guaranteed.
The current statement you have amounts to "I'm bi, and orthodox. It's hard, people I know judge me. I still try to keep the faith, despite challenges." There is no color in it, no life. Talk about how the day you came out to your parents played out. Did your father have a coffee cup in his hands? Perhaps he clenched his fist around the handle and his knuckles turned white. Did your mother cry? Maybe you had a favorite niece or little cousin who, the next time you saw them, looked at you dissappointment. You say you aren't putting LGBT stuff in your PS, so you dont out yourself to certain people. Who are these people? Grandparents? The fact that you still can't talk to whoever they are about it for fear of losing those relationships is important.
I think I've said my piece. The story could be moving if you dig deeper. If you can write it correctly, it will help your application, guaranteed.