Ok - do I write a DS?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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daesonesb
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Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 2:18 pm

Re: Ok - do I write a DS?

Postby daesonesb » Fri Jun 18, 2010 2:40 pm

The job of an adcomm isn't to read your DS and say "is this authentic?" They are going to read your DS and say "Does this work as writing?" You have a point to make (being Bi and orthodox provided me with unique life experiences, and has made me a stronger person, one who gets involved in both communities. Or perhaps, it has proved a challenge in your life, an obstacle to overcome on a regular basis). Your statement should illustrate this point through specific events in your life.

The current statement you have amounts to "I'm bi, and orthodox. It's hard, people I know judge me. I still try to keep the faith, despite challenges." There is no color in it, no life. Talk about how the day you came out to your parents played out. Did your father have a coffee cup in his hands? Perhaps he clenched his fist around the handle and his knuckles turned white. Did your mother cry? Maybe you had a favorite niece or little cousin who, the next time you saw them, looked at you dissappointment. You say you aren't putting LGBT stuff in your PS, so you dont out yourself to certain people. Who are these people? Grandparents? The fact that you still can't talk to whoever they are about it for fear of losing those relationships is important.

I think I've said my piece. The story could be moving if you dig deeper. If you can write it correctly, it will help your application, guaranteed.

stripedbanana10
Posts: 33
Joined: Mon Dec 28, 2009 2:06 pm

Re: Revamped Diversity Statement. Feel free to comment, again.

Postby stripedbanana10 » Fri Jun 18, 2010 3:31 pm

.
Last edited by stripedbanana10 on Fri Jun 18, 2010 3:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

stripedbanana10
Posts: 33
Joined: Mon Dec 28, 2009 2:06 pm

Re: Ok - do I write a DS?

Postby stripedbanana10 » Fri Jun 18, 2010 3:37 pm

Ok:
Last edited by stripedbanana10 on Thu Apr 14, 2011 2:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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MusicNutMeggie
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Re: Ok - do I write a DS?

Postby MusicNutMeggie » Fri Jun 18, 2010 3:40 pm

OP, I disagree with those who think you don't have anything to say in a DS. I converted to Judaism, and the reason I did not have an Orthodox conversion was that I am bisexual. I think that if you outline the way traditional Judaism guides every aspect and decision of your life, from food to clothing to sexual relations to education, you will be able to communicate exactly how difficult it is to be LGBT in that community. Clearly, this can be compelling stuff-- ever seen "Trembling Before G-D"?

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daesonesb
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Re: Ok - do I write a DS?

Postby daesonesb » Fri Jun 18, 2010 4:15 pm

stripedbanana10 wrote:Ok: The concensus seems to be "no, unless you have something fantastic to say."


It clearly isn't No. You aren't listening. Several people are saying yes...well all but the first few posters, who fucked off, because they really just wanted to be assholes (internet is full of them). You have something good to say, it's just how you say it.

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BarnabeSpooge
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Re: Ok - do I write a DS?

Postby BarnabeSpooge » Fri Jun 18, 2010 6:42 pm

daesonesb wrote:
stripedbanana10 wrote:Ok: The concensus seems to be "no, unless you have something fantastic to say."


It clearly isn't No. You aren't listening. Several people are saying yes...well all but the first few posters, who fucked off, because they really just wanted to be assholes (internet is full of them). You have something good to say, it's just how you say it.

Agreed.




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