Ok - do I write a DS?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
stripedbanana10
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Ok - do I write a DS?

Postby stripedbanana10 » Thu Jun 17, 2010 9:09 pm

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Last edited by stripedbanana10 on Thu Apr 14, 2011 2:52 pm, edited 5 times in total.

deathviaboredom
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Re: Revamped Diversity Statement. Feel free to comment, again.

Postby deathviaboredom » Fri Jun 18, 2010 12:12 am

aa
Last edited by deathviaboredom on Sat Apr 16, 2011 9:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

stripedbanana10
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Re: Revamped Diversity Statement. Feel free to comment, again.

Postby stripedbanana10 » Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:33 am

ok...anyone else?

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applepiecrust
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Re: Revamped Diversity Statement. Feel free to comment, again.

Postby applepiecrust » Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:38 am

Don't really have the time to comment constructively, but even as a non-Jew, I think you need to be really careful with how you're phrasing several things related to Judaism here.

Heck, with the struggles I'm having wrt religion, society and sexuality, I'd give anything to have been born into a REFORM Jewish family.
I know Orthodox Judaism is a lot more conservative than conservative and of course reform Judaism, and I think you keep that distinction consistent.

I know more LGBT Jews than I know straight Jews (all reform or conservative though), and they seem to have the most supportive families across the board. Just sayin'.

stripedbanana10
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Re: Revamped Diversity Statement. Feel free to comment, again.

Postby stripedbanana10 » Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:44 am

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Last edited by stripedbanana10 on Thu Apr 14, 2011 2:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

stripedbanana10
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Re: Revamped Diversity Statement. Feel free to comment, again.

Postby stripedbanana10 » Fri Jun 18, 2010 12:44 pm

bump. any other comments?

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Core
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Re: Revamped Diversity Statement. Feel free to comment, again.

Postby Core » Fri Jun 18, 2010 12:54 pm

stripedbanana10 wrote:Orthodox Judaism is a community as well as a religion, and by abandoning it, I would be forced to give up a rich culture, a close network of friends and family, and a way of life that I am attached to. I instead opted to find a Jewish community that focuses on culture, not religion, and accepts people from all walks of life. At my undergraduate institution, that meant planning joint events with the Hillel and GLASA, and joining the XYZ, bringing disparate groups together to encourage mutual understanding. I hope to bring the same enthusiasm to LAMBDA as I would to the Jewish Law Students Association, enhancing and shaping a diverse, understanding student body at X Law School.

Elaborate more on how you got involved. Illustrate what you're saying; don't just say it.

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dominkay
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Re: Revamped Diversity Statement. Feel free to comment, again.

Postby dominkay » Fri Jun 18, 2010 1:08 pm

stripedbanana10 wrote:As a result of the increasing awareness of the LGBT struggle, the Orthodox Jewish community has responded with its own organizations and programs that reconcile faith with homosexuality., which have remained contentious in the mainstream Orthodox world.


You have a comma/period issue.

I think it's douche-y to say that you would be "shaping" the student body at X Law School.

The line about how "many Orthodox Jews try to stay open-minded" sounds really condescending to me. Also, I would take out the line about how you know there is "little hope."

I think you could get in trouble if the person who's reading your statement is a Jew (or just a religious person) who disagrees with your take on halacha (or just the Bible) and homosexuality. You could probably add something about HOW "the law has evolved," Rabbinical rulings, etc. which would be less contentious than this, which reads like Your Interpretation of Leviticus. You could even draw a parallel between your study of Jewish law and your interest secular law.

Otherwise, whatever. I'm a bisexual atheist Jew and this made me roll my eyes, but diversity statements in general get that reaction from me.

kmap
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Re: Revamped Diversity Statement. Feel free to comment, again.

Postby kmap » Fri Jun 18, 2010 1:09 pm

This is not to belittle your background or experiences, but I doubt this is anything adcomms have not heard before. I doubt including it would hurt you, but I don't see how it could help in any substantive way. Your involvement with student organizations, etc., can be reflected on your resume, and leave it at that. When it comes to diversity statements, I wouldn't write one unless I genuinely believed no one else in the application cycle could possibly have written a similar statement.

ajohnnie
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Re: Revamped Diversity Statement. Feel free to comment, again.

Postby ajohnnie » Fri Jun 18, 2010 1:11 pm

I don't get it....How can you be homosexual and bisexual? And you use a lot of acronyms that you should spell out first and then use the acronyms after. Finally, how does this 'diversity' contribute to the law school or the legal profession in general? Maybe it would be more interesting about writing about holding onto your Jewish religion/culture in an LGBT community that is mainly secular? I dunno. Just an idea.

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Dany
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Re: Revamped Diversity Statement. Feel free to comment, again.

Postby Dany » Fri Jun 18, 2010 1:20 pm

I think the problem I have with it is that it doesn't seem very personal or revealing. A religion that doesn't tolerate homosexuality/bisexuality? That's not exactly new. I bet 90% of LGBT applicants have faced some sort of religious backlash to their sexuality, so your story doesn't seem that diverse, I guess. I understand I just don't think this will enhance your application in any way. And if something optional isn't helping, it's gotta go.

What is your PS about? I think weaving these ideas into that essay would be better than a stand-alone diversity statement.

EDIT: also, pretty much exactly what kmap said.
Last edited by Dany on Fri Jun 18, 2010 1:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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daesonesb
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Re: Revamped Diversity Statement. Feel free to comment, again.

Postby daesonesb » Fri Jun 18, 2010 1:21 pm

I would not listen to people who are telling you not to submit this... it's far better than a lot of personal statements, which don't indicate any kind of diversity, save for some nebulous "experiential" diversity.

I think you need to own the statement a bit more though. Insert a bit more of yourself into it through personal experiences. How did you come out to your family and friends? Was there a moment which characterized the overall response of the community?

If you can say all the thing which you're saying, but use personal events in your life, that would be preferable IMO. Don't be afraid to embellish a bit too. Good writers take true events, and personalize them. The piece is necessarily subjective... what were you feeling/thinking when you came out to the reform community? (That's another thing, you should explain the sect of Judaism you were born into, for the layman. From the context, you could have been orthodox for all I knew).

stripedbanana10
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Re: Revamped Diversity Statement. Feel free to comment, again.

Postby stripedbanana10 » Fri Jun 18, 2010 1:21 pm

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Last edited by stripedbanana10 on Fri Jun 18, 2010 3:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Dany
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Re: Revamped Diversity Statement. Feel free to comment, again.

Postby Dany » Fri Jun 18, 2010 1:42 pm

I think the real problem here isn't the content, it's the way it's written. I can sympathize, honestly: I'm a terrible writer when it comes to conveying a powerful story or emotion. I think if you're going to use it, you've got to find a way to make it personal to YOU. I'd start by writing something extremely personal about how being Jewish AND bisexual has formed who YOU are, and not something stale about how the Jewish faith feels about homosexuality (which is just obvious.) Don't worry about grammar or spelling; write something real. THEN go back and tweak it into something fit for a law school diversity statement.

I think if you start off that way, you'll come up with something better. As it stood, it could have been the experience of ANY person raised in a religion intolerant of their sexuality. Make it about you.

I hope we didn't come off as too mean, I honestly just want to help. You've got the material for something compelling, so we just want you to send in something that doesn't fall short.

stripedbanana10
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Re: Revamped Diversity Statement. Feel free to comment, again.

Postby stripedbanana10 » Fri Jun 18, 2010 1:46 pm

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Last edited by stripedbanana10 on Thu Apr 14, 2011 2:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Dany
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Re: Revamped Diversity Statement. Feel free to comment, again.

Postby Dany » Fri Jun 18, 2010 1:48 pm

stripedbanana10 wrote:Yeah. the problem is that it's not real. Writing a DS, or PS for that matter, isn't really justified. Don't worry about it.

?

--ImageRemoved--

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daesonesb
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Re: Revamped Diversity Statement. Feel free to comment, again.

Postby daesonesb » Fri Jun 18, 2010 1:52 pm

stripedbanana10 wrote:Yeah. the problem is that it's not real. Writing a DS, or PS for that matter, isn't really justified. Don't worry about it.



This is a bad attitude.
I adopted this attitude while writing my PS (when I hit a wall with ideas) and I think it made it suck. The thing is, you HAVE to write a PS, and DS can really only help you. That said, why not put a TON of effort into making it good, using the best (read: cherrypicked) material your life affords you. If you have an event in your life which separates you from 90% of the rest of the population, use it!

I blame my shitty PS for my rejections at SEVERAL schools where I was right on the fence numbers-wise.

Take it seriously. The material is worth writing about, but you need to personalize that shit. Your paper had great material, but it read like a laundry list.

stripedbanana10
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Re: Revamped Diversity Statement. Feel free to comment, again.

Postby stripedbanana10 » Fri Jun 18, 2010 1:54 pm

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Last edited by stripedbanana10 on Fri Jun 18, 2010 3:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Dany
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Re: Revamped Diversity Statement. Feel free to comment, again.

Postby Dany » Fri Jun 18, 2010 1:58 pm

Who said anything about a "woe is me" statement? Personal doesn't mean sad or sappy. It means unique to you and your life. Make it proud! Talk about how you are confident in your sexuality AND your culture, even though the two don't normally mesh together. It could be SO interesting and empowered!

If you're just going to call it quits on the DS, fine, but understand that with a lot of work you could have a great DS. And I don't mean your story needs a lot of work, I mean all great diversity and personal statements take tons of work and introspection.

stripedbanana10
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Re: Revamped Diversity Statement. Feel free to comment, again.

Postby stripedbanana10 » Fri Jun 18, 2010 2:04 pm

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Last edited by stripedbanana10 on Fri Jun 18, 2010 3:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

stripedbanana10
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Re: Ok - do I write a DS?

Postby stripedbanana10 » Fri Jun 18, 2010 2:11 pm

bump on changed thread topic.

miamiman
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Re: Ok - do I write a DS?

Postby miamiman » Fri Jun 18, 2010 2:13 pm

stripedbanana10 wrote:Orthodox Jew and bisexual. No life-altering stories.
White, upper-middle class, female.
Hoping for t14, aiming Ford and higher.


as a jew, I find this interesting. I'd focus on the tension between your sexual orientation and Judaism. If you pull it off right, it'll be a fantastic statement.

mhernton
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Re: Ok - do I write a DS?

Postby mhernton » Fri Jun 18, 2010 2:21 pm

As far as a diversity statement is concerned, if you are a good writer and have story to tell, I wouldn't pass up an opportunity to present a point of view to the adcom. You are judged on the quality of your writing. If you truly are orthodox jew, and bisexual vis a vis a person who is bisexual that happened to be raised in an orthodox household, then your story presents tension, a dynamic and interesting point of view and has potential. Just don't bore the adcom to death...

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BarnabeSpooge
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Re: Ok - do I write a DS?

Postby BarnabeSpooge » Fri Jun 18, 2010 2:28 pm

OP, TCR is to write it and then ask. The purpose of a Diversity Statement is to illustrate how you are relatively unique, and what relatively unique perspective you will bring to a class.

If you write it and it doesn't work, so be it. But I believe that a good essay is waiting to be written here, and I believe it will be beneficial to your overall application.

Good luck!

stripedbanana10
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Re: Ok - do I write a DS?

Postby stripedbanana10 » Fri Jun 18, 2010 2:31 pm

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Last edited by stripedbanana10 on Fri Jun 18, 2010 3:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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