GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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clintonius
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby clintonius » Fri May 21, 2010 9:50 pm

<3

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Rikkugrrl
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby Rikkugrrl » Fri May 21, 2010 9:56 pm

OP read my posts, then read your responses to my posts. Who's attacking who?

I'd rather have no reading comprehension skills, be a baby, and not know how to write a good law school essay than be so rude.

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clintonius
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby clintonius » Fri May 21, 2010 10:03 pm

Which is not to say the OP is or has the inverse of any of those.

Still, <3

recaldo
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby recaldo » Fri May 21, 2010 10:10 pm

Rikkugrrl wrote:OP read my posts, then read your responses to my posts. Who's attacking who?

I'd rather have no reading comprehension skills, be a baby, and not know how to write a good law school essay than be so rude.


I apologize. I did not mean to be rude to you at all. I merely would like to see some of your fabulous writing. The English Department believes it to be top-notch. I want to learn from you.

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Bildungsroman
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby Bildungsroman » Fri May 21, 2010 10:12 pm

ITT recaldo learns what the word "critique" means.

fenway
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby fenway » Fri May 21, 2010 10:12 pm

I thought that your writing (OP) was very skillful and I did a couple check backs reading some of the shitty luck(?) and circumstances you've had. It does seem though that the piece is too emotive for a GPA Addendum. I think as mentioned before you've laid the groundwork for a pretty compelling "adversity PS" but your GPA Addendum (from the advice I've been given) is supposed to be more straight-forward. While I can understand your intuition to use a narrative voice for detailed explanation, it creates a less transparently linear path for the adcom to see. From what I've been advised, it should look something like this:

A. Shit happened (don't over/understate, just report more or less)
B. How it negatively impacted you (again, don't try and blow the adcom away, just talk briefly/candidly about how/why it was difficult to manage
C. What you did/learned while struggling with the issues that helped you regain control of your life/studies (therapy/comm service... something positive)
D. 1-2 sentence conclusion about how the way you have grown will result in stronger performance in LS (turns the addendum idea on its head a little at the end and speaks towards how you will do well as opposed to why you did not do well)

(all this should be at most(!) 1 pg double space---should also be very(!) easy for adcom to read)

Again, it was patently clear looking at the essay that you are both A. very bright and B. had some difficult issues to deal with. The fact that you made your way through at T10 school says something in itself (congrats). Just try and find a way to synthesize all that emotionally charged context into something that cannot be subjected to a logic test (in your case certainly not an easy task but it seems like you have more than enough writing ability to shape it down)

I hope some of this helped. Feel free to PM another draft

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Rikkugrrl
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby Rikkugrrl » Fri May 21, 2010 10:14 pm

When did I claim I was such an awesome writer? All I said was good writers often have their work shredded by editors. Did I say I was one of them?

I like to write, and I like to edit, and I have a job editing students' papers and speeches so I guess my bosses think I'm good. But I never told you any of that because it's not relevant to your GPA addendum. I didn't give you advice to show off or condescend, I was trying to help. And yes, you were extremely rude, but thank you for the apology.

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Kilpatrick
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby Kilpatrick » Fri May 21, 2010 10:27 pm

Recaldo are you sure this 'bread winner' in the family developed psychological problems? Maybe she started beating you because you're an arrogant annoying little shit.

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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby recaldo » Fri May 21, 2010 10:28 pm

Kilpatrick wrote:Recaldo are you sure this 'bread winner' in the family developed psychological problems? Maybe she started beating you because you're an arrogant annoying little shit.


I'm laughing out loud.

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Rikkugrrl
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby Rikkugrrl » Fri May 21, 2010 10:31 pm

recaldo wrote:
Rikkugrrl wrote:Just got back from dinner and heavy conversation about politics. This thread brought the laughter back into my evening :D.

OP, final word. You seemed like you genuinely didn't understand why people were telling you you're not an orphan and why that line sounded out of place. That's why I tried to explain it. Now I'm starting to think you're just sticking to your guns out of principle. As is, this addendum will most likely hurt more than help. It portrays you as melodramatic and a little crazy (it doesn't matter whether you actually are or not; this is how the adcoms will see you based on this addendum). Listen to the people on this thread. You might not like what they're saying or how they're saying it, but their criticisms are generally merited.

Also, something I've been wanting to say. In the other thread you went on and on about good writing and how you're a writer and you've got lots of accomplishments to prove it. If you wrote a famous book, you had it edited, and you most likely had a good bit revised and even completely cut out. Some of the world's best writers don't even recognize their work by the time it's done being shredded by editors. Good writers can't be so attached to their work that they dismiss criticism and feel personally insulted by it. Our advice is to get rid of the orphan nonsense because it will improve your writing. There's also been a good amount of other credible advice in this thread. Follow it or don't follow it; we have no stake in it. As my sister likes to say, it's your movie, you're directing.


My point is that you are in no position to critique my writing because you aren't educated, well-read, or smart enough to give it the critique is deserves. Your edits were babyish. Other people on this thread who are smarter than you(judging by the law schools they are going to) seem to think it is written well and smart. Sorry, you just don't know how to write a good essay that will get you into a good law school.


You know what, no. I decided I was being too nice. I don't buy that you didn't mean to be rude. If THAT is not meant to be rude, you could get arrested for obscenity while *trying* to be rude. If you legitimately didn't know that this was unacceptable, I feel sorry for the people in your life.

d34d9823
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby d34d9823 » Fri May 21, 2010 10:40 pm

Rikkugrrl wrote:You know what, no. I decided I was being too nice. I don't buy that you didn't mean to be rude. If THAT is not meant to be rude, you could get arrested for obscenity while *trying* to be rude. If you legitimately didn't know that this was unacceptable, I feel sorry for the people in your life.

You're right. His "apologies" are actually ploys to bait people back into discussion with him. Also, like half of us think he's a flame, so I wouldn't take it too seriously.

recaldo
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby recaldo » Fri May 21, 2010 10:46 pm

Rikkugrrl wrote:
recaldo wrote:
Rikkugrrl wrote:Just got back from dinner and heavy conversation about politics. This thread brought the laughter back into my evening :D.

OP, final word. You seemed like you genuinely didn't understand why people were telling you you're not an orphan and why that line sounded out of place. That's why I tried to explain it. Now I'm starting to think you're just sticking to your guns out of principle. As is, this addendum will most likely hurt more than help. It portrays you as melodramatic and a little crazy (it doesn't matter whether you actually are or not; this is how the adcoms will see you based on this addendum). Listen to the people on this thread. You might not like what they're saying or how they're saying it, but their criticisms are generally merited.

Also, something I've been wanting to say. In the other thread you went on and on about good writing and how you're a writer and you've got lots of accomplishments to prove it. If you wrote a famous book, you had it edited, and you most likely had a good bit revised and even completely cut out. Some of the world's best writers don't even recognize their work by the time it's done being shredded by editors. Good writers can't be so attached to their work that they dismiss criticism and feel personally insulted by it. Our advice is to get rid of the orphan nonsense because it will improve your writing. There's also been a good amount of other credible advice in this thread. Follow it or don't follow it; we have no stake in it. As my sister likes to say, it's your movie, you're directing.


My point is that you are in no position to critique my writing because you aren't educated, well-read, or smart enough to give it the critique is deserves. Your edits were babyish. Other people on this thread who are smarter than you(judging by the law schools they are going to) seem to think it is written well and smart. Sorry, you just don't know how to write a good essay that will get you into a good law school.


You know what, no. I decided I was being too nice. I don't buy that you didn't mean to be rude. If THAT is not meant to be rude, you could get arrested for obscenity while *trying* to be rude. If you legitimately didn't know that this was unacceptable, I feel sorry for the people in your life.


Easy. I am sorry I hurt your feelings. I am sorry for myself to have displayed such verbal vitrol. However, please note that what you said to me was deeply hurtful and I responded equally to what you said. I'm willing to drop this, but its vitrol for vitrol.

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clintonius
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby clintonius » Fri May 21, 2010 10:46 pm

For those of you still on the fence -- legit posters wouldn't say the following:
recaldo wrote:
Kilpatrick wrote:Recaldo are you sure this 'bread winner' in the family developed psychological problems? Maybe she started beating you because you're an arrogant annoying little shit.
I'm laughing out loud.

recaldo wrote:
d34dluk3 wrote:
Kilpatrick wrote:Are you telling me you've honestly never read "Grandma Raped Me, My Brother Is A Bastard and A Plane Flew Into My House" by Ricky Recaldo. You philistine.
Dude! I loved that book!
Thats funny, actually.
Just fyi.

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Rikkugrrl
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby Rikkugrrl » Fri May 21, 2010 10:49 pm

d34dluk3 wrote:
Rikkugrrl wrote:You know what, no. I decided I was being too nice. I don't buy that you didn't mean to be rude. If THAT is not meant to be rude, you could get arrested for obscenity while *trying* to be rude. If you legitimately didn't know that this was unacceptable, I feel sorry for the people in your life.

You're right. His "apologies" are actually ploys to bait people back into discussion with him. Also, like half of us think he's a flame, so I wouldn't take it too seriously.


I know, you're right. Maybe it's cause I'm kind of new to the internet and forums. I won't take it too seriously; it was just kind of shocking.

EDIT: And apparently what I said to him was deeply hurtful...I'm trying to find the part where I personally insulted him. I mean I said I suspected he was just sticking to his guns...ummm?

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kalvano
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby kalvano » Fri May 21, 2010 10:51 pm

recaldo wrote:Easy. I am sorry I hurt your feelings. I am sorry for myself to have displayed such verbal vitrol. However, please note that what you said to me was deeply hurtful and I responded equally to what you said. I'm willing to drop this, but its vitrol for vitrol.



You'd think a T10 UG student so concerned with writing and intelligence could spell "vitriol" correctly.

Also, I think the repeated beatings by your cross-dressing pimp has made you schizophrenic.

recaldo
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby recaldo » Fri May 21, 2010 10:55 pm

kalvano wrote:
recaldo wrote:Easy. I am sorry I hurt your feelings. I am sorry for myself to have displayed such verbal vitrol. However, please note that what you said to me was deeply hurtful and I responded equally to what you said. I'm willing to drop this, but its vitrol for vitrol.



You'd think a T10 UG student so concerned with writing and intelligence could spell "vitriol" correctly.

Also, I think the repeated beatings by your cross-dressing pimp has made you schizophrenic.


Not funny.

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Rikkugrrl
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby Rikkugrrl » Fri May 21, 2010 10:55 pm

recaldo wrote:
Rikkugrrl wrote:
recaldo wrote:
Rikkugrrl wrote:Just got back from dinner and heavy conversation about politics. This thread brought the laughter back into my evening :D.

OP, final word. You seemed like you genuinely didn't understand why people were telling you you're not an orphan and why that line sounded out of place. That's why I tried to explain it. Now I'm starting to think you're just sticking to your guns out of principle. As is, this addendum will most likely hurt more than help. It portrays you as melodramatic and a little crazy (it doesn't matter whether you actually are or not; this is how the adcoms will see you based on this addendum). Listen to the people on this thread. You might not like what they're saying or how they're saying it, but their criticisms are generally merited.

Also, something I've been wanting to say. In the other thread you went on and on about good writing and how you're a writer and you've got lots of accomplishments to prove it. If you wrote a famous book, you had it edited, and you most likely had a good bit revised and even completely cut out. Some of the world's best writers don't even recognize their work by the time it's done being shredded by editors. Good writers can't be so attached to their work that they dismiss criticism and feel personally insulted by it. Our advice is to get rid of the orphan nonsense because it will improve your writing. There's also been a good amount of other credible advice in this thread. Follow it or don't follow it; we have no stake in it. As my sister likes to say, it's your movie, you're directing.


My point is that you are in no position to critique my writing because you aren't educated, well-read, or smart enough to give it the critique is deserves. Your edits were babyish. Other people on this thread who are smarter than you(judging by the law schools they are going to) seem to think it is written well and smart. Sorry, you just don't know how to write a good essay that will get you into a good law school.


You know what, no. I decided I was being too nice. I don't buy that you didn't mean to be rude. If THAT is not meant to be rude, you could get arrested for obscenity while *trying* to be rude. If you legitimately didn't know that this was unacceptable, I feel sorry for the people in your life.


Easy. I am sorry I hurt your feelings. I am sorry for myself to have displayed such verbal vitrol. However, please note that what you said to me was deeply hurtful and I responded equally to what you said. I'm willing to drop this, but its vitrol for vitrol.


No need, peaches. Shock at your behavior=/hurting my feelings.

recaldo
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby recaldo » Fri May 21, 2010 10:58 pm

Rikkugrrl wrote:
d34dluk3 wrote:
Rikkugrrl wrote:You know what, no. I decided I was being too nice. I don't buy that you didn't mean to be rude. If THAT is not meant to be rude, you could get arrested for obscenity while *trying* to be rude. If you legitimately didn't know that this was unacceptable, I feel sorry for the people in your life.

You're right. His "apologies" are actually ploys to bait people back into discussion with him. Also, like half of us think he's a flame, so I wouldn't take it too seriously.


I know, you're right. Maybe it's cause I'm kind of new to the internet and forums. I won't take it too seriously; it was just kind of shocking.

EDIT: And apparently what I said to him was deeply hurtful...I'm trying to find the part where I personally insulted him. I mean I said I suspected he was just sticking to his guns...ummm?


It was that you said I was just sticking to my guns as opposed to having a rational, open debate on my addendum. This is really insulting to me. You also said I sounded crazy. This is also super insulting. How could you say such a thing in light of the stuff I shared with you? Thanks for that.....

Also, the tone of your diatribe was generally arrogant, look-down-the-nose, i-have-all-the-answers sort of thing. Don't appreciate that.

recaldo
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby recaldo » Fri May 21, 2010 10:59 pm

kalvano wrote:
recaldo wrote:Easy. I am sorry I hurt your feelings. I am sorry for myself to have displayed such verbal vitrol. However, please note that what you said to me was deeply hurtful and I responded equally to what you said. I'm willing to drop this, but its vitrol for vitrol.



You'd think a T10 UG student so concerned with writing and intelligence could spell "vitriol" correctly.

Also, I think the repeated beatings by your cross-dressing pimp has made you schizophrenic.


bad spelling doesnt mean ur stupid. not being able to understand concepts means ur stupid.

recaldo
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby recaldo » Fri May 21, 2010 11:00 pm

clintonius wrote:For those of you still on the fence -- legit posters wouldn't say the following:
recaldo wrote:
Kilpatrick wrote:Recaldo are you sure this 'bread winner' in the family developed psychological problems? Maybe she started beating you because you're an arrogant annoying little shit.
I'm laughing out loud.

recaldo wrote:
d34dluk3 wrote:
Kilpatrick wrote:Are you telling me you've honestly never read "Grandma Raped Me, My Brother Is A Bastard and A Plane Flew Into My House" by Ricky Recaldo. You philistine.
Dude! I loved that book!
Thats funny, actually.
Just fyi.


Trying to make the best of this....

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kalvano
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby kalvano » Fri May 21, 2010 11:00 pm

recaldo wrote:
kalvano wrote:
recaldo wrote:Easy. I am sorry I hurt your feelings. I am sorry for myself to have displayed such verbal vitrol. However, please note that what you said to me was deeply hurtful and I responded equally to what you said. I'm willing to drop this, but its vitrol for vitrol.



You'd think a T10 UG student so concerned with writing and intelligence could spell "vitriol" correctly.

Also, I think the repeated beatings by your cross-dressing pimp has made you schizophrenic.


Not funny.



You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm not funny how, I mean not funny like I'm a scary clown, I don't amuse you? I don't make you laugh, I'm not here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean not funny, not funny how? How am I not funny?

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kalvano
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby kalvano » Fri May 21, 2010 11:01 pm

recaldo wrote:not being able to understand concepts means ur stupid.



I literally laughed out loud at this.

recaldo
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby recaldo » Fri May 21, 2010 11:02 pm

fenway wrote:I thought that your writing (OP) was very skillful and I did a couple check backs reading some of the shitty luck(?) and circumstances you've had. It does seem though that the piece is too emotive for a GPA Addendum. I think as mentioned before you've laid the groundwork for a pretty compelling "adversity PS" but your GPA Addendum (from the advice I've been given) is supposed to be more straight-forward. While I can understand your intuition to use a narrative voice for detailed explanation, it creates a less transparently linear path for the adcom to see. From what I've been advised, it should look something like this:

A. Shit happened (don't over/understate, just report more or less)
B. How it negatively impacted you (again, don't try and blow the adcom away, just talk briefly/candidly about how/why it was difficult to manage
C. What you did/learned while struggling with the issues that helped you regain control of your life/studies (therapy/comm service... something positive)
D. 1-2 sentence conclusion about how the way you have grown will result in stronger performance in LS (turns the addendum idea on its head a little at the end and speaks towards how you will do well as opposed to why you did not do well)

(all this should be at most(!) 1 pg double space---should also be very(!) easy for adcom to read)

Again, it was patently clear looking at the essay that you are both A. very bright and B. had some difficult issues to deal with. The fact that you made your way through at T10 school says something in itself (congrats). Just try and find a way to synthesize all that emotionally charged context into something that cannot be subjected to a logic test (in your case certainly not an easy task but it seems like you have more than enough writing ability to shape it down)

I hope some of this helped. Feel free to PM another draft


Thank you for the kind words and for the excellent advice. This is very very helpful. I appreciate you taking the time to write this post. I would love the opportunity to bounce my statements off you. Sending now!

recaldo
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby recaldo » Fri May 21, 2010 11:04 pm

kalvano wrote:
recaldo wrote:
kalvano wrote:
recaldo wrote:Easy. I am sorry I hurt your feelings. I am sorry for myself to have displayed such verbal vitrol. However, please note that what you said to me was deeply hurtful and I responded equally to what you said. I'm willing to drop this, but its vitrol for vitrol.



You'd think a T10 UG student so concerned with writing and intelligence could spell "vitriol" correctly.

Also, I think the repeated beatings by your cross-dressing pimp has made you schizophrenic.


Not funny.



You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm not funny how, I mean not funny like I'm a scary clown, I don't amuse you? I don't make you laugh, I'm not here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean not funny, not funny how? How am I not funny?


Sorry, I just don't get how being beaten by a cross-dresser who is a pimp is that original or funny. Maybe it's cause im in NYC and see cross-dressers often.

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kalvano
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Re: GPA Addendum - Please Critique!

Postby kalvano » Fri May 21, 2010 11:09 pm

recaldo wrote:Maybe it's cause im in NYC and see cross-dressers often.



Wave "hi" to grandma.




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