Procrastinator back...kill it please...thanks Forum
-
was437
- Posts: 18
- Joined: Thu Oct 29, 2009 10:36 pm
Procrastinator back...kill it please...thanks
Thanks.
Last edited by was437 on Mon Apr 05, 2010 2:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-
LegalGENius
- Posts: 62
- Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 2:55 pm
Re: Procrastinator back...kill it please...thanks
Reads like a bad novel. Very long-winded (are you trying to meet a word/page quota? it seems like it.)
The story itself is not terrible, but it is rather dull in its current format. I think you need to lose the "and then I said", "and then they looked", etc.
I also think the wording reads at a fairly elementary level. If you are really interested in sending this essay you need to elevate it. Right now it is very high-school creative writing essay.
Lastly, IMO the story doesn't really detail WHY you are choosing XYZ Law School. Perhaps you could re-work that last paragraph or re-work the body of the essay so that it sheds more light on why you are choosing XYZ Law School. You are too heavy on the storyline, and not saying enough about WHY you are choosing XYZ Law School. Fix the last paragraph -- The school wants to hear things like: I met an alumnus who mentored me from your school and..., or I visited your campus and I was blown away..., etc.
The story itself is not terrible, but it is rather dull in its current format. I think you need to lose the "and then I said", "and then they looked", etc.
I also think the wording reads at a fairly elementary level. If you are really interested in sending this essay you need to elevate it. Right now it is very high-school creative writing essay.
Lastly, IMO the story doesn't really detail WHY you are choosing XYZ Law School. Perhaps you could re-work that last paragraph or re-work the body of the essay so that it sheds more light on why you are choosing XYZ Law School. You are too heavy on the storyline, and not saying enough about WHY you are choosing XYZ Law School. Fix the last paragraph -- The school wants to hear things like: I met an alumnus who mentored me from your school and..., or I visited your campus and I was blown away..., etc.
