Non-Trad Seeks Opinions on 1st draft PS

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Benvenuto10
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Non-Trad Seeks Opinions on 1st draft PS

Postby Benvenuto10 » Tue Mar 02, 2010 11:47 pm

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Last edited by Benvenuto10 on Wed Mar 03, 2010 10:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Gefuehlsecht
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Re: Non-Trad Seeks Opinions on 1st draft PS

Postby Gefuehlsecht » Wed Mar 03, 2010 3:00 am

Are you serious? You wake up each day in absolute awe of the American judicial system? Give me a break. While I'm still reeling, what about the evolution of law school candidates which you claim is evolving? What are you trying to tell me here? This is the first sentence of your PS, it's your attention getter, your zinger. You're wasting precious attention span time with mentioning evolution three times in a 19 word sentence?

What's with the congruence thing? Why does that pop up twice in two paragraphs? List goes on. Euphoric peaks of life? Never ending pursuit of knowledge? The power of voice when you're the only one left?

I really think you're trying way too hard with this PS. Give me some more content and meaning. Don't pontificate, we've got a pope for that.

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ruleser
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Re: Non-Trad Seeks Opinions on 1st draft PS

Postby ruleser » Wed Mar 03, 2010 3:35 am

I can share my experience as a non-trad having been through 2 cycles and done a number of varying ps's. The one that worked best wasn't my big gush about all my background/awesome WE, but one where I simply sounded mature and confident. They will look at your resume. If you have things to explain, ie grades, etc, do so, but best done as someone who seems calm, confident and wise, not someone still attached to it or too into explaining it. From non-trads they seem to want that feel. Don't think student trying to make a case to an adcom, write what you would to a colleague who knew about a job opening in the legal dept - or at least that sort of tone - it'll help mature-up and professional-tone the ps. Leave the overpleading to kids w/no resume who have to prove themselves. You are past that and sound better when you write as if so.

toastpbj
Posts: 32
Joined: Sat Sep 26, 2009 7:12 pm

Re: Non-Trad Seeks Opinions on 1st draft PS

Postby toastpbj » Wed Mar 03, 2010 3:38 am

I agree with the last poster. I just think it seems way too cliched but even more than that I just get really really bored with the over the top language and the statements that seem to go no where which is not at all what you want to do with a personal statement. You say you're non traditional... okay, tell me why! If I were the dean of admissions that's what I'd really want to know. You don't need to try and wow us with sentences like I for one embrace the change, and am ready not only for what the future holds for me, but for what I hold for the future. (your grammar is off by the way... when you use a not only, you need a 'but also'), when you use language like that it's off putting to the reader and distracting.

When you write personal statements, you need to be able to show the person who you are without just explicitly stating 'I am the sort of person who blah blah blah' ... if you're someone who is ready to embrace change and get on with the future then tell me what has made you into that sort of person. Like when you say I have witnessed some of the worst humanity has to offer, and I have also enjoyed the view from the top of the mountain. I am well versed in the euphoric peaks and treacherous valleys of life, and I long for the opportunity to guide, protect, and serve as an advocate for others during their navigation of life’s often challenging terrain. I would be so much more interested to know more about these eurphoric peaks and treacherous valleys of life that you've endured. That's what they're interested in, getting to know you at a person and as a potential student of the law and what it is that you can bring to their law school community. Try and create a story that illustrates your strengths without explicitly stating them.

Also, you go to law school in order to learn the law, there's no pre req that says you have to have any prior knowledge of the law, just an interest... if you've had work experience that's law related, then that's great and that has the potential to make you an attractive candidate, just give us more insight into these experiences and why they've led you to be interested in practicing law. Let your resume do some of the talking for you, that's really important, but remember they're looking for diverse candidates for law school who can bring intelligence, passion (that's genuine) and something different to the table, so keep that in mind when you're writing your personal statement.

Good luck!
Last edited by toastpbj on Wed Mar 03, 2010 8:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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bees
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Re: Non-Trad Seeks Opinions on 1st draft PS

Postby bees » Wed Mar 03, 2010 3:45 am

I won't be mean, others have already seen to that.

But your last sentence....really?

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quickquestionthanks
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Re: Non-Trad Seeks Opinions on 1st draft PS

Postby quickquestionthanks » Wed Mar 03, 2010 4:17 am

I agree with what's been said already. All of it. Within two or three sentences, my mind said "NEXT!"

Just in case you spent a TON of time writing this and are thinking about ignoring this advice, don't. The time you have spent so far is a sunk cost, and the decision before you is whether to change your paper dramatically or whether to accept defeat.

Benvenuto10
Posts: 18
Joined: Mon Mar 01, 2010 6:50 pm

Re: Non-Trad Seeks Opinions on 1st draft PS

Postby Benvenuto10 » Wed Mar 03, 2010 9:50 am

Thank you for the insight, no matter how harsh or how nauseating you found my writing. I just sat down, took ten minutes, wrote something, and decided to get feedback. It will most certainly be a process, and apparently it won't start here.

Many thanks to all of you.

toastpbj
Posts: 32
Joined: Sat Sep 26, 2009 7:12 pm

Re: Non-Trad Seeks Opinions on 1st draft PS

Postby toastpbj » Wed Mar 03, 2010 8:09 pm

Benvenuto10 wrote:Thank you for the insight, no matter how harsh or how nauseating you found my writing. I just sat down, took ten minutes, wrote something, and decided to get feedback. It will most certainly be a process, and apparently it won't start here.

Many thanks to all of you.


Definitely keep going with it... it's always great to get feedback! Ten minutes is a really small amount of time to write anything, so just give your next try a bit longer and let the thought process form naturally. When I wrote mine I even found just googling "law school personal statement examples" and reading some of the more official websites examples helpful. From what you already wrote I can tell that you've had an interesting life thus far so just show some of that in your statement and try and put some of your personality into it and you'll be fine!

Best of luck on your applications




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