Please rate addendum - trying to submit tonight need quick

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Lawl Shcool
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Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 6:44 pm

Please rate addendum - trying to submit tonight need quick

Postby Lawl Shcool » Tue Mar 02, 2010 5:18 pm

feedback. I tried to keep it simple please let me know what you think. I changed some stuff around for anonymity but content wise it is what I am working with. I am thinking maybe more detail about each incident?


In October 2004, while still a minor, I was charged with possession of Marijuana and Drug Paraphernalia in X. The charges were later dropped after completion of the X Diversion Program.

In January 2006, I was charged with Underage Possession of Alcohol in X I plead guilty and paid a $X fine.

In May 2006 I was charged with Underage Possession of Alcohol and Misrepresentation in X. The charges were later dropped after completion of the X Diversion Program.

I take full responsibility for my previous transgressions and am disappointed in some of the choices I have made in the past. There is no excuse for my behavior but these incidents are not indicative of who I am today. I have worked hard to distance myself from these events. I have attended MADD meetings, done community service, and paid fines. In the 4 years since the last incident I have either worked full-time or attended school full-time while working part-time year round. I no longer live like the younger reckless person I once was. My grades have had an upward trend and I have found constructive ways to spend my down time, such as recreational sports and casual reading. While at home recently I went back and volunteered for the Judge X, who handled my case in May 2006. These experiences have served as a major turning point in my life and have led me to where I am today. While I am not proud of my previous actions and wish I could go back and change them, I am proud of the way I have grown out of them.

roadkilllaw
Posts: 72
Joined: Thu Jul 23, 2009 2:07 am

Re: Please rate addendum - trying to submit tonight need quick

Postby roadkilllaw » Tue Mar 02, 2010 5:21 pm

JPU wrote:feedback. I tried to keep it simple please let me know what you think. I changed some stuff around for anonymity but content wise it is what I am working with. I am thinking maybe more detail about each incident?


In October 2004, while still a minor, I was charged with possession of Marijuana and Drug Paraphernalia in X. The charges were later dropped after completion of the X Diversion Program.

In January 2006, I was charged with Underage Possession of Alcohol in X I plead guilty and paid a $X fine.

In May 2006 I was charged with Underage Possession of Alcohol and Misrepresentation in X. The charges were later dropped after completion of the X Diversion Program.

I take full responsibility for my previous transgressions and am disappointed in some of the choices I have made in the past. There is no excuse for my behavior but these incidents are not indicative of who I am today. I have worked hard to distance myself from these events. I have attended MADD meetings, done community service, and paid fines. In the 4 years since the last incident I have either worked full-time or attended school full-time while working part-time year round. I no longer live like the younger reckless person I once was. My grades have had an upward trend and I have found constructive ways to spend my down time, such as recreational sports and casual reading. While at home recently I went back and volunteered for the Judge X, who handled my case in May 2006. These experiences have served as a major turning point in my life and have led me to where I am today. While I am not proud of my previous actions and wish I could go back and change them, I am proud of the way I have grown out of them.


don't use 'transgressions'- makes me think of Tiger Woods.

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soaponarope
Posts: 169
Joined: Thu Jan 21, 2010 9:02 pm

Re: Please rate addendum - trying to submit tonight need quick

Postby soaponarope » Tue Mar 02, 2010 5:40 pm

JPU wrote:feedback. I tried to keep it simple please let me know what you think. I changed some stuff around for anonymity but content wise it is what I am working with. I am thinking maybe more detail about each incident?


In October 2004, while still a minor, I was charged with possession of Marijuana and Drug Paraphernalia in X. The charges were later dropped after completion of the X Diversion Program.

In January 2006, I was charged with Underage Possession of Alcohol in X I plead guilty and paid a $X fine.

In May 2006 I was charged with Underage Possession of Alcohol and Misrepresentation in X. The charges were later dropped after completion of the X Diversion Program.

I take full responsibility for my previous transgressions, and I am disappointed in the choices I have made. There is no excuse for my behavior, and these incidents are not indicative of who I am today. I have worked hard to distance myself from these events. I have attended MADD meetings, [strike]done[/strike] participated in community service, and paid fines. In thefour years since the last incident, I have either worked full-time, or attended school full-time while working [strike]part-time[/strike] year-round. [strike]I no longer live like the younger reckless person I once was. My grades have had an upward trend and I have found constructive ways to spend my down time, such as recreational sports and casual reading. While at home[/strike] Recently, I [strike]went back and[/strike] volunteered for Judge X, who handled my case in May 2006. The experience with Judge X has served as a major turning point in my life, and has led me to where I am today. While I am not proud of my previous actions, [strike]and wish I could go back and change them[/strike] I have since matured and look forward to a promising career in the field of law.


I'm not an English major, and I have some of my own writing problems. That said, you really need to proofread this addendum... I did my best to cut off some of the fat. Some of it I just deleted, and some of it I used the "strike/blue" ink. The motto for these sorts of things is, short, succinct, and to the point.




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