...Thanks

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+1. I'm sorry, but this is terrible.

Do you have any other topics you could write about?

You need an entirely new theme. Don't try to fix this one -- just throw it out and go in a different direction.

...

I believe the problem with this personal statement is that you spend almost 3/4 of it describing sad portions of your life while only providing a brief introspection afterwards. Also your why law connection is quite weak.

I didn't sit by "with absolutely nothing to contribute". I do see how I risk it being read that way. Those feelings were my initial feelings, not my feelings when I began my research. I don't know if my changes are enough to hammer that fact.

Could I change the "I didn't have any"? I didn't have any right then, but I worked to figure out what to do...I asked the right people to point me in the right direction.

My original point, obviously not construed in my text, was...I am calm under pressure...these few situations suprised me with emotions I was not used to...I initially didn't know what to do...I don't want that to happen again...your school and the knowledge, ability to research, etc can help insure that it doesn't. Not happening

Extremely weak!!!!!!!!!!! Almost nonexistent!!!!!!

That's the advice I need. I've got someone to do my proofing, as far as grammar and syntax goes, but these are the things I need help with.

i'm sorry, i think it's really weak and i do agree with previous posters who say you should start over. Why don't you concentrate on one of those situations you faced, instead of jumping around (it's very distracting). I think the statement can prove to be very powerful and moving if you talk about your experience with your little sister and her illness.

Lol. I love when people pick out the most incidental or least negative advice and latch onto that.

The problem isn't that you don't have a why law connection. That's actually not even necessary. A lot of good statements don't have that.

Your statement is just strange, and you should start over. You talk about your sister, your mother's shoulder, her divorce....Get rid of all of that...Pick something interesting or unique that you have accomplished and write about that. This has to be about you.

In addition, the notion of controlling yourself in stressful situations -- that's gotta go. First, the way you describe it is weird -- it's both something you were "determined to hone" and "took for granted." Can't be both. Plus, that's your subjective take on a personality trait, which perhaps most or all other applicants would say they also possess, and not a unique or compelling accomplishment that makes you an interesting candidate.

I'm sorry, but don't try to fix this. Just pick a new topic and take another swing. I'm sure you can do better and write a great statement.

Please listen to the other posters' advice. They are all spot on. This simply won't cut it. Maybe your numbers are good enough to get you by, but if you are relying on 'wow'ing the adcomms, this won't do it. I know what you are trying to say, but the story really does not say many positive things about you; it definitely does not portray you in an attractive way.

As hard as it is to hear, the best thing to do would beto start over. I guarantee you just about everyone who has written a great PS wrote multiple drafts and started over multiple times until they finally found something that worked. Don't let this get you discouraged, but realize that with enough trial and error you will get it.

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I appreciate all the responses. I don't know why, but I feel I should start over!!! Lol.

was437. I had the same problem when I first started writing my personal statement. I tried to go for the sob story and I realized that it wasn't who I was. I think that you should take a break from it and find something to inspire you. I'd be glad to read it if you email it (I like working on this stuff!).

i agree, inspirational is better. even weak ties to the legal world can be made to look strong

consolation is that adcomms prob don't read many of these

I think the personal statement is something anyone who isn't way above 75 percentile for all stats should spend at least 100 hours on (and even those who are should really take it seriously). I'm not kidding here, I spent many hours everyday on it for over a month, and though I applied late in the cycle I do not regret taking the time to "perfect" my statement. I think that a lot of posters on TLS disregard how important it is, as if it should be treated as a soft. When you read the Dean interviews, they universally speak about it as a major portion of the application.

and also, people who have 180/4.0 and aren't admitted (which happens) probably wrote an atrocious PS. If it can ding you when you have those kind of numbers, it must be important.

That's the definition of YP

I will definetely take you up on that offer. I really really appreciate you guys!