I couldn’t believe it had finally arrived after a nearly two year ordeal. I held the letter in my hand it felt like This is a run-on now. You have two independent clauses w/o any punctuation or conjunction an electrical charge through my body, racing up the staircase I finally felt Another independent clause w/o a conjunction like I was the end of my endurance race. Waving the letter in my hand I told my mother the decision had come through, ripping it open my mother’s smile said it all we had succeeded Another comma splice/run-on. I actually accomplished a feat that many hadn’t being? able or willing to accomplish, another comma spliceI had helped my mother become a permanent resident in the United States. The elation I felt was beyond any other emotion I had felt before or since. The process was daunting I didn’t have the luxury of getting legal advice on how to proceed nor did I have a working knowledge of legal jargon another run-on. Up to this point the issue of immigration hadn’t been of much thought to me now I had a personal stake run-on in the discussion. Refilling forms due to mistakes and missing information, frustration was a constant companion to me. I had grown cynical at the prospects of accomplishing what I had started a year plus before. When we finally received our interview date it seemed like the finish line was in sight, a point in the distance but visible. Sitting at the table with the immigration officer, I felt sick my hands sipped from the chair handles run-on wherever I tried to hold on them. My fear wasn’t comparable to my mother’s who had a look I haven’t seen before. The questioning went smoothly enough with the occasional lump in my throat I was able to run-on speak and defend my sponsorship. Going through the process let an indelible mark on me, one that I couldn’t possibly have had without going through this experience.

[Not finished]

Even without delving into the content, the syntax errors make this almost entirely unintelligible. Like I said before, you need to take this to your UG's writing center or hire an editor. The amount of help that you need to turn this into a coherent essay would pretty much require someone to rewrite it for you. Hate to be harsh, but it is what it is.

I will defend her a bit. She did have semicolons (legitmate way to connect two independents), but someone suggested removal of semicolons (probably meaning that sentences need to be revised as well). She just removed them.