DUI ADDENDUM CRITIQUE NEEDED

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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jack duluoz
Posts: 187
Joined: Mon Sep 28, 2009 3:26 pm

Re: DUI ADDENDUM CRITIQUE NEEDED

Postby jack duluoz » Thu Feb 25, 2010 12:17 pm

OP, looks good, but u unintentionally admitted to smoking pot. Disclose that too or drop the whole munchie theme.

upperscalekitten27
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Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 1:04 am

Re: DUI ADDENDUM CRITIQUE NEEDED

Postby upperscalekitten27 » Thu Feb 25, 2010 2:20 pm

Thank you sapp. I agree with you. I have revised my addendum. Please see below and let me know your thoughts :)


DUI Addendum

Dear Law School Admission Committee:

In 2006 I was arrested for driving under the influence while driving from my residence to a nearby restaurant.
The decision I made that led to the arrest was very poor and that incident is an aberration of my character. I never had similar incident prior or after that. While I am not proud of that mistake, I am happy to have learned a valuable lesson.

I completed all my driver’s education classes, paid my citations and reinstated my driver’s license successfully after a year of suspension. I regret my misstep, but I have no excuse for it. The consequences of my actions were both an embarrassment and expensive. However, these burdens were miniscule compared to what could have been. I am thankful that the results of my error did not injure anyone or cause any serious property damage.

As a future lawyer, this experience will allow me to relate on a personal level to potential clients. I hope to bring this lesson and the highest level of moral character to ______ Law School. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns regarding this matter.

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sapp
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Re: DUI ADDENDUM CRITIQUE NEEDED

Postby sapp » Thu Feb 25, 2010 2:32 pm

I think it reads much better now! Only two very small changes I would suggest:
I completed all of my driver’s education classes, paid my citations and reinstated my driver’s license successfully after a year of suspension.

This seems like a style thing to me. It’s clear what you’re talking about either way but when I was reading it I naturally inserted the word “of”. Perhaps someone that is a little more proficient in proper grammar techniques can weigh in.

I hope to bring this lesson and the highest level of moral character to ______ Law School.

Maybe make it “I hope to bring this lesson and the higher level of moral character I have (since) developed to ________ Law School.” (The “since” is optional)

Not that I’m saying you were a horrible person before or anything, it just seems like you switch gears abruptly saying “I made this mistake...and… I have the highest level of moral character.” I think adding that “I have developed” helps bridge that gap.


EDIT:
... never had a similar incident prior or after that.
And I still like "prior to or after that. But it's your choice. :)
Last edited by sapp on Thu Feb 25, 2010 2:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

thegor1987
Posts: 323
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2009 7:00 pm

Re: DUI ADDENDUM CRITIQUE NEEDED

Postby thegor1987 » Thu Feb 25, 2010 2:36 pm

Translation: "I was piss drunk and it was so late that only the drive thru was
Open at macdonalds. After a long night of drilling down shots of a cheap
1.75 bottle of vodka I was unable to walk my fat ass 2 blocks to get a sandwich'

Lol jk. But seriously a person with above circumstances could so easily play their
DUI down like you just did. You can mention you were only just above the legal limit but
Overall you just need to take responsibility for your dewy I think

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scribelaw
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Re: DUI ADDENDUM CRITIQUE NEEDED

Postby scribelaw » Thu Feb 25, 2010 2:39 pm

Make it shorter and more fact based. Don't be defensive..Something like:

In 2006, I was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol in XXX. I displayed poor judgment by deciding to drive to a fast food reastaurant two blocks from my home after consuming a few glasses of wine. After this incident, I completed an educational course, paid my citations, and regained my driver’s license after a one-year suspension. I never had another incident prior to or after this mistake. While I am not proud of my decisions that night, I have learned a valuable lesson, and I believe it has allowed me to grow as a person. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns regarding this matter.

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sapp
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Joined: Fri Dec 11, 2009 12:33 pm

Re: DUI ADDENDUM CRITIQUE NEEDED

Postby sapp » Thu Feb 25, 2010 2:47 pm

scribelaw wrote:In 2006, I was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol in XXX. I displayed poor judgment by deciding to drive to a fast food reastaurant two blocks from my home after consuming a few glasses of wine. After this incident, I completed an educational course, paid my citations, and regained my driver’s license after a one-year suspension. I never had another incident prior to or after this mistake. While I am not proud of my decisions that night, I have learned a valuable lesson, and I believe it has allowed me to grow as a person. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns regarding this matter.


I like this too, but I would still leave out "fast food." Or, even better, just say "I displayed poor judgment by deciding to drive after consuming a few glasses of wine." The details of where you were going/why aren't really important. It's not like you had to drive to take someone to the hospital or something important like that.

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scribelaw
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Joined: Thu Jul 02, 2009 3:27 pm

Re: DUI ADDENDUM CRITIQUE NEEDED

Postby scribelaw » Thu Feb 25, 2010 2:49 pm

sapp wrote:
scribelaw wrote:In 2006, I was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol in XXX. I displayed poor judgment by deciding to drive to a fast food reastaurant two blocks from my home after consuming a few glasses of wine. After this incident, I completed an educational course, paid my citations, and regained my driver’s license after a one-year suspension. I never had another incident prior to or after this mistake. While I am not proud of my decisions that night, I have learned a valuable lesson, and I believe it has allowed me to grow as a person. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns regarding this matter.


I like this too, but I would still leave out "fast food." Or, even better, just say "I displayed poor judgment by deciding to drive after consuming a few glasses of wine." The details of where you were going/why aren't really important. It's not like you had to drive to take someone to the hospital or something important like that.


I agree with this.




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