please read desperate for feedback - willing to exchange

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Lawl Shcool
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please read desperate for feedback - willing to exchange

Postby Lawl Shcool » Sun Feb 21, 2010 9:20 pm

Last edited by Lawl Shcool on Thu Feb 25, 2010 7:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Lawl Shcool
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Re: please read desperate for feedback - willing to exchange

Postby Lawl Shcool » Sun Feb 21, 2010 11:34 pm

bump and thread name change

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Re: please read desperate for feedback - willing to exchange

Postby JustDude » Mon Feb 22, 2010 4:53 am

A common theme amongst law students is complaining.

It is always a good way to start PS with some criticism of law school students. Much experience in that area??? Are you a law school dean?
Whether it is a rough cold call in class, a confusing concept, and or that a situation is unfair.

Wow, But ok. Also grammar. "unfair situation" instead of "that a situation is unfair".
Graduate school is tough and full of unfamiliar settings and people which causes some to become very negative.

No effing way. Are you applying for the conflict resolution consultant position???..
As a result a lot of students seem to connect and communicate only through complaining.

Are you trying to be ironic by complaining about students compainings???

I think part of the reason why I have had success so far is because I have consciously avoided this trend and allowed my positive and passionate approach to life guide me.

Grammar . "Reason is because" is not the best construction. And yeah, now you boldly state that you had "Success". Fail. And you going as far as saying how much better you are then all other students. Well, you are douche, thats obvious by now.

Negativity has no value to me.

Such as talking crap about the whole group of students.

I look forward to getting up each day and working hard towards my goal of becoming an attorney. I am not afraid of long hours or tireless work. I also recognize that success is best measured in happiness and I take time to exercise, travel, and socialize.

Good you are a social creature. Discuss how often you watch " the hills".
I believe I have the right balance of drive, intellect and personality to thrive as an advocate.

I think you can finish here. You stated that all students are complaining retards, you said that you had success, and you achieved it due to the fact that you are so different from student population, and You are also social and happy. What possibly do you want to add???

A lot of who I am today is a result of my experiences playing team sports.

Thats an awesome grammar structure.
One of the toughest experiences in high school was being benched during my junior season of lacrosse. I had to watch from the bench with no opportunity to help or contribute to the team. However, I stayed positive and focused earning a chance to prove myself in a game. I got better at getting ground balls, worked on my footwork, improved my off-hand, and tried to lead by example at practice. When I got my chance to play senior season, I literally and figuratively took the ball and ran with it. I found my niche as a long-stick midfielder and as part of the face-off team. In the end, I was the only player on the team to be awarded with first team all-state honors and we made it to the quarter finals in the state tournament.

You really showed them!!!

I have always enjoyed working with other people.

And you showed much respect for your fellow student in first paragraph.

In sports you learn that to be successful you need to be able to trust and work with others. This carries over academically as I have always been successful on group projects.

Yes, yes you have.
In my Marketing specialization courses, assignments typically involved group presentations accompanied by a written report about a case study. It was great practice for public speaking, issue spotting, and analytical writing. The collaboration really allowed me to engage in the material, which led to more satisfaction and better grades. The group work also taught me that in certain situations, letting others lead is sometimes the best for the group as a whole. Having this macro-level understanding of group dynamics has been invaluable to my educational and professional experiences so far.

Just when I thought that you couldnt be any douchier, you write those wonderfull two sentences.

This team mentality has come with me to law school too. I frequently study with other classmates to discuss the material with the goal of having as complete of an understanding of a topic as possible. We all recognize that we learn and interpret things differently and being able get a different perspective on something has a lot of value. I feel extremely lucky that I have met such smart and hard working people in law school so far. We push each other to stay focused and keep working hard. I think it is more impressive that our entire group has done so well compared to how any of us have done individually.

Is it a transfer PS??? I am confused now. And all that praise sounds so patronizing after what you wrote previously.

When school started I knew exactly zero people in [location of current LS]. Having finished college the day before law school classes started, I did not have much time to get acclimated to a new city or school. I had gotten into a good academic rhythm during my final year of college and kept it up when I got to law school. By being prepared, attentive, and willing to speak up in class I was able to submerge myself into the material and connect with all of my professors.

You forgot to start this paragraph with "Dear Diary"

The material so far has challenged me in way that no other school experience ever has. I had to become comfortable working with ambiguities and methodically going through analysis before coming to a conclusion. Beyond school, I also had to build a social network from scratch. I had become so accustomed to meeting people through friends and basically building my network through "friend referral" that when faced with a completely clean slate I was overwhelmed. Staying positive and reminding myself that most people were strangers in a new city I was able to let my personality shine through. By the time midterms were over I had formed a great study group and had several friends outside of that group. Coming back from winter break was like returning home. It seems that with each passing day I am interacting and socializing with new people, all of whom were total strangers to me just a few months ago. The experience in law school so far has affirmed my belief that I can adapt and succeed in any situation.

If it is your home, why switch???

[Why X paragraph that highlights school programs I would like to participate in]

I have no doubt that if given the opportunity to attend [school X] I will be pushed everyday to become a better attorney and more importantly, a better person.

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Waggly Toast
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Re: please read desperate for feedback - willing to exchange

Postby Waggly Toast » Mon Feb 22, 2010 12:23 pm

You are critical of students complaining and yet you're doing the same thing? I would focus on the school to which your applying and outline how their program will allow you to better accomplish your goals now that you have a better understanding of what you would like to accomplish as an attorney.

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Re: please read desperate for feedback - willing to exchange

Postby mjs92983 » Mon Feb 22, 2010 12:39 pm

Toss the whole thing and start over.

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Re: please read desperate for feedback - willing to exchange

Postby CMDantes » Mon Feb 22, 2010 3:16 pm

Last edited by CMDantes on Tue Jun 08, 2010 5:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Lawl Shcool
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Re: please read desperate for feedback - willing to exchange

Postby Lawl Shcool » Mon Feb 22, 2010 11:56 pm

Be back with another draft soon.

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