Please Critique Addendum!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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jdubb990
Posts: 184
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 12:16 am

Please Critique Addendum!

Postby jdubb990 » Sun Feb 21, 2010 1:04 pm

Ticket Addendum
On March 22, 2006 a friend and I were sitting in a parked car at a local shopping mall parking lot. Earlier in the day we drank beer and several of the empty beer bottles were in the vehicle. I threw one of the empty bottles out of the open window of the car, and a nearby police officer responded. I was given three citations: littering, open container, and possession of beer by a minor. The officer offered to drop the minor in possession of beer charge if I was honest with my parents about the charges and had one accompany me in court.
I appeared before a judge seven days later on March 31 to face these charges. Because I was honest with my parents and my mother accompanied me to court, the officer and judge found me not guilty of possession of beer by a minor. I was assessed fines for the other two charges, and paid both of them.
The event happened four years ago and I have grown significantly since. The incident made me realize how important adhering to the law is.




I am really having trouble saying something worthwhile about what I learned from the experience. to me I just learned not to break the law because It could ruin my future, such as career and everything else. But that doesn't seem good enough to include, right?

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ugobabe86
Posts: 57
Joined: Sun Jun 21, 2009 5:31 pm

Re: Please Critique Addendum!

Postby ugobabe86 » Sun Feb 21, 2010 1:11 pm

I believe you should just stick with facts and be honest about it...I think that's your best bet.

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jdubb990
Posts: 184
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 12:16 am

Re: Please Critique Addendum!

Postby jdubb990 » Sun Feb 21, 2010 1:30 pm

alright, well this is direct, and honest, what do you guys think? (I made a couple of changes)

Ticket Addendum
On March 22, 2006 a friend and I were sitting in a parked car at a local shopping mall parking lot. Earlier in the day we drank beer and several of the empty beer bottles were in the vehicle. I threw one of the empty bottles out of the open window of the car, and a nearby police officer responded. I was given three citations: littering, open container, and possession of beer by a minor. The officer offered to drop the minor in possession of beer charge if I was honest with my parents about the charges and had one of them accompany me in court.
I appeared before a judge seven days later on March 31 to face these charges. Because I was honest with my parents and my mother accompanied me to court, the officer and judge found me not guilty of possession of beer by a minor. I was assessed fines for the other two charges, and paid both of them.
The event happened four years ago and I have grown significantly since. From this, I learned that breaking the law can ruin my future of public service and ability to help others. Thus, I learned how important the structure of law is, and that it must be adhered to at all times.




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