Addendum, please review! First draft!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
01wannabe
Posts: 21
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2010 5:50 pm

Addendum, please review! First draft!

Postby 01wannabe » Sat Feb 20, 2010 5:10 pm

Dear Admissions Committee,

As you will be aware when you receive my updated transcripts, my grades from this past fall were less than satisfactory. It is not something that I am proud of or happy with, especially since I had an upward grade trend. There were some unfortunate personal circumstances that directly affected me this past semester. My aunt, who I was very close to, and my best friend both passed away suddenly. It was a complete shock, and I, unfortunately, did not deal with the deaths very well, and I slowly fell into a depression that erupted during finals week. This resulted in me doing poorly on all of my final exams and having a horrible GPA at the end of the semester. I take full responsibility for my poor grades last semester, and I can assure you that these grades don’t accurately reflect me and what I can do. I have taken steps to grieve properly, and I am not going to let the last semester of my undergraduate education end up like the fall semester.
Thank you all so much for your understanding and compassion, as it was an extremely difficult time for me.

Sincerely,
XX

Any help would be appreciated. This was very hard for me to write and talk about, so please be nice.

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Waggly Toast
Posts: 35
Joined: Sat Feb 20, 2010 1:08 pm

Re: Addendum, please review! First draft!

Postby Waggly Toast » Mon Feb 22, 2010 12:14 pm

I think that anyone who has lost someone close to them can identify with your situation, especially those who may have had difficulties grieving and letting go. I think you're on the right track. I might change the word "erupted" to "culminated" or "peaked", or something similar. Owning up to your unsatisfactory grades is the responsible thing to do and I think they'll respect that. Also, taking steps to raise your grades shows that you are making strides to resolve the problem. Overall, great job.

xcountryjunkie
Posts: 437
Joined: Tue Dec 01, 2009 7:52 pm

Re: Addendum, please review! First draft!

Postby xcountryjunkie » Mon Feb 22, 2010 12:20 pm

Waggly Toast wrote:I think that anyone who has lost someone close to them can identify with your situation, especially those who may have had difficulties grieving and letting go. I think you're on the right track. I might change the word "erupted" to "culminated" or "peaked", or something similar. Owning up to your unsatisfactory grades is the responsible thing to do and I think they'll respect that. Also, taking steps to raise your grades shows that you are making strides to resolve the problem. Overall, great job.


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