my ps. please be gentle

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iamtaw
Posts: 166
Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2009 3:22 pm

my ps. please be gentle

Postby iamtaw » Sat Feb 20, 2010 3:17 pm

any help is appreciated



Apart from wanting to study law, while pursuing a legal education I will be a valuable member of the student body. I feel that much my value comes from my unique perspective, which is a result of my background of having lived and grown up in vastly different places. From my grandparents’ farm in rural Northern Bangladesh where you can see the Himalayas on a clear morning, to the heart of London where I could hear Big Ben chiming from my house on the hour. Along the banks of the river Thames where I learned how to ride a bicycle and in ultra-competitive Singapore where you are but another face in the crowd unless you have the work ethic, motivation and determination to stand out. I bring this mindset with me to every new challenge I face. I hope my next challenge will be at your institution.
My interest in studying law came about through my college education. What sparked the interest most was my study of Philosophy.
In the educational system in Singapore it is generally assumed that if you are smart, you study the sciences. The science classes are where all the best students are found and that was where the best teachers are found. And so I did. Throughout high school I studied Physics, Chemistry and Economics but I always had an interest in the humanities, especially in Philosophy. The ideas and the areas that Philosophy tackled amazed me. So naturally I took an introductory course in Philosophy my very first semester in college. I instantly felt at ease, and yet at the same time challenged by the unifying use of logic and argumentation for any and everything we did. The many Philosophy courses I took throughout college helped me hone my skills of critique and reasoning. What led me from Philosophy to Law was how essential the ability to critique and reason is in the study of law, and the fact that the ends were much more tangible in law than in philosophy.

As opposed to other areas of Philosophy that are more abstract such as whether material objects really exist, I am better able to see the application of the field of ethics in the world. This is a very important reason why ethics is my favorite field of Philosophy. In pursuing law, I am able to retain the aspects of philosophy that I love, while applying it to something that is very intertwined with human behavior and everyday life.
Though it was Philosophy that eventually led me to study Law, Economics helped me better understand what aspect of law interested me. I love how Economics sets up a framework of rational human actions and from this we can see how differing impulses can bring about different behaviors in people. I was best able to see this in my Law and Economics class where we conducted an economic analysis of law and I understood why certain laws are the way they are when the focus is on efficiency. What also interests me is how certain laws can lead to paradoxes of efficiency as they provide incentives for multiple parties and it becomes difficult to have all of them act efficiently. I hope to be able to continue this study on the structure of law and the stimuli that it provides and work toward a career with an academic focus on law.
I hope that you share my sentiment that I will be a valuable asset to your institution given my diverse background and my academic interest in law, and that you will afford me the privilege of attending your institution.

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1armedscissor
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Re: my ps. please be gentle

Postby 1armedscissor » Sat Feb 20, 2010 3:22 pm

Be gentle? I'm sorry, but this is pretty god awful. I'm too lazy to give you line by line advice....so cut the metadiscourse and give more compelling, uncliched examples of why your background makes you suited to study law. Studied abroad in London? Wow...you and literally a million other applicants.

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iamtaw
Posts: 166
Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2009 3:22 pm

Re: my ps. please be gentle

Postby iamtaw » Sat Feb 20, 2010 3:30 pm

1armedscissor wrote:Be gentle? I'm sorry, but this is pretty god awful. I'm too lazy to give you line by line advice....so cut the metadiscourse and give more compelling, uncliched examples of why your background makes you suited to study law. Studied abroad in London? Wow...you and literally a million other applicants.


nah, i lived in london for 6 years. i guess i'll start by making that more clear

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thedogship
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Re: my ps. please be gentle

Postby thedogship » Sat Feb 20, 2010 3:32 pm

Gentle advice: start over from scratch. None of what you wrote is particularly unique, interesting, or compelling.

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PDaddy
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Joined: Sat Jan 16, 2010 4:40 am

Re: my ps. please be gentle

Postby PDaddy » Sat Feb 20, 2010 3:37 pm

iamtaw wrote: Please be gentle


Is it your first time? LOL.

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RadMobile
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Joined: Fri Jan 22, 2010 7:39 pm

Re: my ps. please be gentle

Postby RadMobile » Sat Feb 20, 2010 3:45 pm

Great job on the constructive criticism ass clowns.

OP - I think you have some good ideas and are definitely going in the right direction. TLS isn't the best place for good feedback. I'd say take it to a professor, and/or if your school has a writing center, take it there. They can help you tactfully represent the points that you'd like to get across.

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Richie Tenenbaum
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Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 6:17 am

Re: my ps. please be gentle

Postby Richie Tenenbaum » Sat Feb 20, 2010 3:46 pm

Consider starting over. I did the same when I reapplied for the next year. First thing you need to try and think of is if you have any good compelling stories to tell about a life experience you've had. They don't have to be law related. Try to think of as many as possible. If one jumps out as a story that you could use to demonstrate some of your strengths, as well as your past weaknesses, use that. If that doesn't work, try to pick out various interesting tidbits about your life and weave those together to let the reader get a better feel for who you actually are. But be personal when doing so.

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Richie Tenenbaum
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Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 6:17 am

Re: my ps. please be gentle

Postby Richie Tenenbaum » Sat Feb 20, 2010 3:47 pm

RadMobile wrote:Great job on the constructive criticism ass clowns.

OP - I think you have some good ideas and are definitely going in the right direction. TLS isn't the best place for good feedback. I'd say take it to a professor, and/or if your school has a writing center, take it there. They can help you tactfully represent the points that you'd like to get across.


No he's not.

musicfor18
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Joined: Mon Feb 09, 2009 9:15 pm

Re: my ps. please be gentle

Postby musicfor18 » Sat Feb 20, 2010 4:04 pm

The statement is not awful, it could just be written much more effectively and in greater detail. Try to get way past the general statements and into some personal life experiences, particular educational epiphanies, etc. The connection between your study of philosophy and economics to your current interest in law is not entirely clear in the statement as it is now. Can you describe the connection more effectively? Your diverse background is interesting, but try to find more direction from that into crafting your statement.

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JustDude
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Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2008 10:07 pm

Re: my ps. please be gentle

Postby JustDude » Sat Feb 20, 2010 6:14 pm

1armedscissor wrote:Be gentle? I'm sorry, but this is pretty god awful. I'm too lazy to give you line by line advice....



godawful adequately describes that writing. And yeah, it does not deserve a line by line derision, so bad it is

dwoof
Posts: 31
Joined: Tue Feb 16, 2010 3:15 pm

Re: my ps. please be gentle

Postby dwoof » Sat Feb 20, 2010 6:24 pm

I think you have some very compelling background story that I would expand upon. I would focus less on trying to connect philosophy to law. Tell us about unique stories that happened in foreign countries, what languages you learned etc...




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