PS Opinions Welcomed

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Waggly Toast
Posts: 35
Joined: Sat Feb 20, 2010 1:08 pm

PS Opinions Welcomed

Postby Waggly Toast » Sat Feb 20, 2010 1:22 pm

I discovered this website today and am impressed with everyone's willingness to provide assistance, help, and support to others in pursuit of the same goal. I would greatly appreciate feedback regarding my personal statement. Thank you in advance.

With the economy in a downturn and respectable, well-established newspapers closing almost daily around the country, my idea of filling a community void and starting the first Hispanic newspaper in central Alabama was met with criticism, pessimism, and a defeatist attitude. People repeatedly pointed out to me, often my family and friends, that I had never designed a newspaper, written a story, or sold an advertisement. Starting a newspaper from scratch requires significantly more than these simple skills. Additionally, the selected distribution area is known for its blatant discrimination against and hatred towards Hispanics and anyone who provides services to or assists them in any way.
Confident about this venture’s success, I dedicated three months of my life to intense study, reading, and research regarding the newspaper industry and the Tri-County area selected for its distribution. María Len-Ríos, one of the nation’s foremost Hispanic newspaper marketing experts and professor at the University of Missouri School of Journalism proved to be an excellent consultant. Valuable insights were also gained from Bill Weir, National Representative of Fronteras, the nation’s largest Hispanic newspaper franchise. I organized focus groups consisting of potential advertisers and local Hispanics. I studied demographic data from the U.S. Census and other reliable sources. After analyzing and interpreting the data compiled, I confidently pressed forward with the project, despite ever-present criticism.
What started as an eight page newspaper with a readership of just over 500, quickly became a 16 page newspaper boasting over 7,500 readers in only three issues. Hispanics embraced La Voz Local (The Local Voice) as central Alabama's source for assimilation issues, networking, advertising, and Hispanic news. Within three issues, the newspaper turned a sizable profit and silenced its critics.
After only two issues, Ken Woodard and Karl Dabbs, owners of Tidbits, a nationally distributed English newspaper with over 4 million weekly readers, contacted me and asked to meet immediately. They were flabbergasted to learn that I had created, on my own, such a professional looking newspaper with no previous experience. These former owners of Bassmaster’s Magazine, sold to ESPN for $30 million in 2001, asked to follow the newspaper’s success with the intent to franchise it, given that it maintained its success for a year. Tips and insights provided during succeeding meetings proved to be indispensable. Their confidence in my abilities helped me double my profits in only one issue.
I began brainstorming how to increase the newspaper’s influence for good. Consequently, I helped start the first soccer league for Hispanic children in central Alabama. My efforts, combined with the newspaper’s reputation, proved so successful at helping secure sponsors that children of all races participated for free. Local businesses donated land for soccer fields, purchased goals, bought bleachers, provided equipment necessary to line the fields, paid referees, covered the cost of insurance, provided jerseys, and fulfilled other needs. A high moral standard and GPA requirement were instituted to enhance the caliber of participants in the league. Given the opportunity to play soccer, children who struggled in school and were ill-behaved suddenly changed. Volunteers tutored struggling children and mentors helped influence the ill-behaved. Parents, teachers, and other members of the community raved about the amazing results. Nearly 250 children, ages 4 – 18, enrolled in the first year. The league continues to inspire children to excel both on and off the field.
My name quickly became associated with the Hispanic community and I was unjustifiably labeled as an advocate of illegal immigrants by some of my American peers. True, I was a friend of the Hispanic community, however, I was in no way an advocate for illegal immigrants. In fact, the newspaper was very unique in its focus and mission to help Hispanics assimilate to central Alabama culture. The newspaper featured English lessons and co-sponsored ESL and assimilation programs in the community. Featured articles and classes on assimilation included how to start a business, open a checking account, register children for school, purchase a car, file taxes, find work, etc. Local attorneys wrote articles about immigration, laws, rights, and other pertinent topics. The newspaper also focused on bringing Hispanic businesses to the community. Two discotecas (dance clubs), one used car lot, and one mechanic shop were established. All brought revenue to their communities and provided jobs for legal, tax-paying immigrants and Americans. Time and again the newspaper proved successful in helping Hispanics become legal, contributing members of the community.
I consistently demonstrate characteristics of hard work, perseverance, confidence, and boldness in all of my endeavors - qualities I believe are essential to excelling at [XYZ School]. A J.D. from [XYZ School] will increase my ability to serve my community. I look forward to providing pro bono service while attending law school and encouraging others to do the same. I’m passionate about international and constitutional law and I look forward to hanging my J.D. from [XYZ School] beside a Chinese proverb to which I have subscribed my entire life, “Those who say it cannot be done, should not interrupt the person doing it.”

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JustDude
Posts: 354
Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2008 10:07 pm

Re: PS Opinions Welcomed

Postby JustDude » Sat Feb 20, 2010 7:00 pm

That certainly is an interesting story.

I would change the order in which you present info:


1) You start negatively describing defitists attitudes of opponents. Start with something that inspired you to start a paper (You never said what prompted you). Then you can include that defitists attitudes (but anyway, its clear that starting a paper is difficult, so you can skip on that).

2) Follow with impact on community

3) Keep Good paragraph about your political views. It shows your interest in law.

4) Finish with franchise offer. Also explain that even though you are leaving for Law School, the news paper can survive on its own. You can include profitability info there and franchise chances/

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Waggly Toast
Posts: 35
Joined: Sat Feb 20, 2010 1:08 pm

Re: PS Opinions Welcomed

Postby Waggly Toast » Sat Feb 20, 2010 11:36 pm

Thank you for your time and valuable insights. I like your ideas.

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T14_Scholly
Posts: 416
Joined: Mon Jan 18, 2010 8:46 pm

Re: PS Opinions Welcomed

Postby T14_Scholly » Sat Feb 20, 2010 11:55 pm

You might flesh out the reason you started a soccer league as a means of increasing the influence of your newspaper. How were the two related?




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