Also, I don't really buy your interpretation of Confucius. I would avoid it overall, because it almost reads as though it came off a "inspiration of the day" calendar, but I certainly wouldn't call it 'comparing learning to the joy of seeing a faraway friend.' Where is that in the passage quoted? There is, in fact, no subject at all besides "I."
Well I took out the original quote from the first post because it was too long and then paraphrased/combined different parts of the Analects, so no that part specifically is not from the passage quoted. That part about the faraway friend does exist, though. Very first "verse" of the Analects:
To learn and practice what is learned time and again is pleasure, is it not? To have friends come from afar is happiness, is it not?
Anyway, I can see your point about the "daily inspiration" nature of the paragraph. The whole idea of putting something down from a sagely, Asian philosopher sounds cheesy, but Confucianism as a whole speaks to me a great deal, and I looked forever to try to get some quotation in from either Confucius, Mencius, Xunzi, etc. So I guess it's a bit forced, and if need be I can take it out.
And yes, I agree that the statement overall is unfocused and acts more of an overall survey / simple middle school essay rather than a real insight into who I am. I couldn't think of anything else to write about, though.
I would also try to tie this into something more than just "I love learning." If you love learning, there are plenty of things you could do to continue learning. Why law school?
Yeah I'd say this is my biggest problem. I'd like to make the essay more focused, but I can't seem to direct it past its very general state right now.