Please Critique (Diversity Statement)

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
cartercl
Posts: 454
Joined: Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:08 am

Please Critique (Diversity Statement)

Postby cartercl » Sun Feb 14, 2010 9:02 pm

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Last edited by cartercl on Sat Mar 05, 2011 11:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

cartercl
Posts: 454
Joined: Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:08 am

Re: Please Critique (Diversity Statement)

Postby cartercl » Mon Feb 15, 2010 12:30 am

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Last edited by cartercl on Sat Mar 05, 2011 11:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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vlsorbust
Posts: 55
Joined: Sun Feb 07, 2010 9:24 pm

Re: Please Critique (Diversity Statement)

Postby vlsorbust » Mon Feb 15, 2010 11:46 am

Have you had anyone else close to you (e.g. advisor at school, one of your recommenders, etc.) read it over yet? That would be my recommendation. I had to work a lot harder at my own statements because I've been out of school for a while, so my writing skills were a tad rusty. I had my closest friends and one advisor read my statements and found that they gave the most helpful feedback.

However, I think that your statement sounds good overall. I really like how you didn't merely discuss being an African-American. Instead, you went deeper into your own personal history - to me, that's a true diversity statement. I don't think your language was overly strong. Perhaps you could (if you have room in your statement to do so) clarify your turning point, what motivated you to change/improve your life from the one you saw around you, and what *exactly* your mom did that was great, since it was difficult to draw that info from your statement (only because I have a similar story I can relate, but maybe the AdComm cannot). And finally, perhaps find a way to point out how/why your experiences give you a unique perspective that would contribute to the diversity of the 1L class. Otherwise - and this is pretty minor stuff - I think the word should be "premature" instead of "pre-mature." At least I am fairly certain, but it may be best to check the dictionary. Every little bit you can strenghten your statement helps you that much more.

Good luck!




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