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(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
clavell45
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2010 6:23 pm

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Postby clavell45 » Sun Feb 14, 2010 7:31 pm

draft
Last edited by clavell45 on Mon Mar 01, 2010 8:34 am, edited 4 times in total.

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booboo
Posts: 1032
Joined: Tue Oct 20, 2009 10:39 pm

Re: First Draft - Any feedback GREATLY appreciated!

Postby booboo » Sun Feb 14, 2010 8:11 pm

.
Last edited by booboo on Mon Mar 01, 2010 3:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

clavell45
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2010 6:23 pm

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Postby clavell45 » Sun Feb 14, 2010 8:46 pm

-
Last edited by clavell45 on Mon Mar 01, 2010 8:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

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phoenix323
Posts: 348
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2010 3:01 am

Re: First Draft - Any feedback GREATLY appreciated!

Postby phoenix323 » Sun Feb 14, 2010 9:06 pm

Your writing style is very sophisticated and your PS is very compelling, until the last two paragraphs. The phrase "I want to be able to contribute to the creation of a better world" is about as generic as you can get, even if it's true. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I enjoyed reading your statement so much that I was disappointed by the ending. I think you need to really focus on those last two paragraphs (honestly, i think they could be condensed into one) and think about another way to end your PS. The way it ends now is the easy way out. I'll bet that a great deal of law school applicants say in their PS that they want to be a lawyer to make the world a better place. You have had some incredbily unqie experiences. Draw on these and create a more compelling conclusion and you will have a great PS.

Good luck on your cycle!

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iShotFirst
Posts: 460
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2009 2:13 am

Re: First Draft - Rip it apart!!

Postby iShotFirst » Sun Feb 14, 2010 9:18 pm

I liked it except for "I listened with the aid of my Spanish", that just sounds bizarre.

clavell45
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2010 6:23 pm

Re: First Draft - Rip it apart!!

Postby clavell45 » Sun Feb 14, 2010 9:26 pm

...
Last edited by clavell45 on Sun Feb 28, 2010 12:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

umichgrad
Posts: 381
Joined: Wed Aug 26, 2009 11:53 am

Re: First Draft: Please Comment and Critique Be Brutally Honest

Postby umichgrad » Fri Feb 19, 2010 11:08 am

the only good study abroad PS i've ever seen. also, "international law" is...well...sort of not real. but still, extremely well written.




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