Need help determining PS idea...

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
lawman335
Posts: 104
Joined: Sat Feb 06, 2010 1:15 pm

Need help determining PS idea...

Postby lawman335 » Sun Feb 07, 2010 1:11 am

Here are my ideas...

1) I come from a very diverse family -- my brother is 10 years older than me and is gay. I witnessed a lot of the discrimination he faced, both in college and in grad school (getting beat up, verbal abuse), along with the problems it presented in my family (some very conservative/religious people in the family who weren't very understanding vs. those were very understanding, etc.). It's a pretty interesting perspective because I was quite young when he came out (about 12?) so my outlook is based on initial puzzlement, and then coming to realize what being gay is really about and how it can effect people. My father never even started highschool, dropped out in 8th grade, had a very abusive/alcoholic father, worked hard labor jobs all his life, and as a result we were pretty poor growing up. He has also battled a lot of mental/health issues which I will not digress. My sister, who is 3 years older than me, is epileptic, bi-polar, dyslexic and suffers from various learning disabilities that make her borderline retarded. She was unable to graduate HS or get her GED. She had a kid last year at the age of 22, and many problems have arisen as such (i.e. my parents are forced to support/raise the child due to the father's absence while trying to put me through college). My mom is the only in my family who is somewhat 'cookie-cutter'/didn't undergo too many extreme difficulties in her life.

Sorry if that was longwinded/too much information, but my idea was to take all of their lives into account and what they all faced and demonstrate what effect their experiences had on me as a person and how I was able to grow/mature as a result. Is this too cliche? Will it sound too much like a 'sob story?'

2) My 2 biggest passions growing up were baseball and snowboarding. I was recruited in HS for pitching, and was a sponsored snowboarder throughout HS. However, both of these passions were ultimately ended as the result of one terrible car accident. I was driving up to the mountain, skidded out of control on a sheet of ice, rolled my car into a 6 ft ditch going about 50 MPH, totaled the car, dislocated my neck and shoulder, among other injuries. The shoulder injury was very very extensive and never allowed me to throw a baseball again (competitively, anyways), and I was told by my the radiologist the only thing that kept me from being potentially paralyzed from the neck injury was this deformity that I have in my upper vertebrae (to keep it as short as possible, something in my vertebrae are shaped differently, which occurs in 1 out of 10,000 or so people, which he said, potentially helped prevent my spinal cord from breaking or getting pinched). For what it is worth, I am not extensively injured as of now...I'm not paralyzed or anything, but I cannot take part in my 2 passions anymore. Anyways, I was thinking of combining these two things to show that I had to deal with having the 2 loves of my life basically taken away from me and having to 'find myself' again. It isn't as mushy at it may seem, but I feel I could write about it appropriately.



Sorry for the length, what do you guys think? Which is better for a PS, and should I consider using one for a DS?

Thanks for any help.

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CardinalRules
Posts: 2332
Joined: Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:20 pm

Re: Need help determining PS idea...

Postby CardinalRules » Sun Feb 07, 2010 3:15 am

Go with #2 for the PS and discuss #1 in the DS. Try to focus on one or two people in your family for the DS, though, rather than quickly running through a list.

PM me if you want when you get a draft.

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JustDude
Posts: 354
Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2008 10:07 pm

Re: Need help determining PS idea...

Postby JustDude » Sun Feb 07, 2010 4:17 am

1) I come from a very diverse family -- my brother is 10 years older than me and is gay. I witnessed a lot of the discrimination he faced, both in college and in grad school (getting beat up, verbal abuse), along with the problems it presented in my family (some very conservative/religious people in the family who weren't very understanding vs. those were very understanding, etc.). It's a pretty interesting perspective because I was quite young when he came out (about 12?) so my outlook is based on initial puzzlement, and then coming to realize what being gay is really about and how it can effect people. My father never even started highschool, dropped out in 8th grade, had a very abusive/alcoholic father, worked hard labor jobs all his life, and as a result we were pretty poor growing up. He has also battled a lot of mental/health issues which I will not digress. My sister, who is 3 years older than me, is epileptic, bi-polar, dyslexic and suffers from various learning disabilities that make her borderline retarded. She was unable to graduate HS or get her GED. She had a kid last year at the age of 22, and many problems have arisen as such (i.e. my parents are forced to support/raise the child due to the father's absence while trying to put me through college). My mom is the only in my family who is somewhat 'cookie-cutter'/didn't undergo too many extreme difficulties in her life.



So... You brother is gay and your sister is brderline retarded (please do use this very language in your PS) and those two facts combined somehow make you a good potential lawyer. Hmmmm. If you will be able to convince reader that this is the case, well then you gotta be a lawyer. Such mastery of convincing should not go to waste.

Sorry if that was longwinded/too much information, but my idea was to take all of their lives into account and what they all faced and demonstrate what effect their experiences had on me as a person and how I was able to grow/mature as a result. Is this too cliche? Will it sound too much like a 'sob story?'


Not a sob stiry. More like.Ehhhhh Huh??? story.

2) My 2 biggest passions growing up were baseball and snowboarding. I was recruited in HS for pitching, and was a sponsored snowboarder throughout HS.


Pitcher in high school and catcher at home??? Just kidding.. Hahahha I am terrible!!

However, both of these passions were ultimately ended as the result of one terrible car accident. I was driving up to the mountain, skidded out of control on a sheet of ice, rolled my car into a 6 ft ditch going about 50 MPH, totaled the car, dislocated my neck and shoulder, among other injuries. The shoulder injury was very very extensive and never allowed me to throw a baseball again (competitively, anyways), and I was told by my the radiologist the only thing that kept me from being potentially paralyzed from the neck injury was this deformity that I have in my upper vertebrae (to keep it as short as possible, something in my vertebrae are shaped differently, which occurs in 1 out of 10,000 or so people, which he said, potentially helped prevent my spinal cord from breaking or getting pinched). For what it is worth, I am not extensively injured as of now...I'm not paralyzed or anything, but I cannot take part in my 2 passions anymore. Anyways, I was thinking of combining these two things to show that I had to deal with having the 2 loves of my life basically taken away from me and having to 'find myself' again. It isn't as mushy at it may seem, but I feel I could write about it appropriately.


So since you can no longer indulge in passion number 1 (baseball) and number 2 (showboarding), you decided to focus on pasion number 3 (studying law).


Tell you what, it doesnt matter what are you writing about. As long as you have an idea about your qualities, not your brother gayness, that you will be able to convey to the reader. I bet someone can write about horsemanure and present him/herself as a strong intellectual with excelent work ethic.




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