Death in the family addendum- Feedback needed

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km87505
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Death in the family addendum- Feedback needed

Postby km87505 » Sun Jan 31, 2010 2:51 pm

I would like to submit a brief addendum to my law school application explaining why my last semester undergrad grades were poor. This is what I plan to submit. My semester GPA's were always 3.67-3.8, (ok one 3.5) and it fell to a 2.8 this one semester. Would anyone offer feedback?

Addendum to Application Regarding Spring 2008 Grades

Dear Admissions Committee:

It is important to me to explain why my grades from the spring semester of 2008 were poor. My mother passed away on March 28, 2008 from lung failure. I truly was not able to do my best work to my level of confusion and grief. I believe that my record demonstrates consistently impressive work, save for this brief period of time.

Sincerely,
Me

Thank you, whoever takes the time to share your thoughts.

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Cavalier
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Re: Death in the family addendum- Feedback needed

Postby Cavalier » Sun Jan 31, 2010 3:08 pm

The first sentence seems unnecessary, given the addendum's title and the rest of its content. Also, I wouldn't use the word "impressive" to describe your academic work.

km87505
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Re: Death in the family addendum- Feedback needed

Postby km87505 » Sun Jan 31, 2010 3:28 pm

No? All A's/A-'s except for one B (at a rigorous school) isn't impressive? Or is it just a conceited tone?

sibley
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Re: Death in the family addendum- Feedback needed

Postby sibley » Sun Jan 31, 2010 3:29 pm

+due in the 3rd

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devilishangelrjp
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Re: Death in the family addendum- Feedback needed

Postby devilishangelrjp » Sun Jan 31, 2010 3:33 pm

km87505 wrote: Or is it just a conceited tone?


A little...

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D. H2Oman
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Re: Death in the family addendum- Feedback needed

Postby D. H2Oman » Sun Jan 31, 2010 3:33 pm

km87505 wrote:No? All A's/A-'s except for one B (at a rigorous school) isn't impressive? Or is it just a conceited tone?



Tone

km87505
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Re: Death in the family addendum- Feedback needed

Postby km87505 » Sun Jan 31, 2010 3:37 pm

On second thought, how about a letter format instead, even more brief:

Date

Address

Dear Admissions Committee:

There is a significant reason for my grades in the spring of 2008 being poor. My mother passed away on March 28, 2008 from lung failure. I truly was not able to give my last semester my best effort due to my level of confusion and grief.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Me

...Too brief?

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devilishangelrjp
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Re: Death in the family addendum- Feedback needed

Postby devilishangelrjp » Sun Jan 31, 2010 3:46 pm

km87505 wrote:On second thought, how about a letter format instead, even more brief:

Date

Address

Dear Admissions Committee:

There is a significant reason for my grades in the spring of 2008 being poor. My mother passed away on March 28, 2008 from lung failure. I truly was not able to give my last semester my best effort due to my level of confusion and grief.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Me

...Too brief?


I like it. It doesn't gush or try to harp on the problem. It does the job concisely.

km87505
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Joined: Fri Sep 25, 2009 3:38 pm

Re: Death in the family addendum- Feedback needed

Postby km87505 » Sun Jan 31, 2010 3:51 pm

Aaaah! Split infinitive!

It should be, 'I was truly not able to!'

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s0ph1e2007
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Re: Death in the family addendum- Feedback needed

Postby s0ph1e2007 » Sun Jan 31, 2010 3:57 pm

im sorry for your loss,
you say 'confusion' perhaps add 'unexpectedly passed away'
that might be even more persuasive than it already is

km87505
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Re: Death in the family addendum- Feedback needed

Postby km87505 » Sun Jan 31, 2010 4:32 pm

She actually had a degenerative disease, so we knew she was going to die from lung failure eventually... I think I'll leave 'unexpected' out given this circumstance, but thanks for the suggestion.

PunjabiLower
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Re: Death in the family addendum- Feedback needed

Postby PunjabiLower » Mon Feb 01, 2010 4:35 pm

I lowe you. I hope you get in your top choice school.

yeff
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Re: Death in the family addendum- Feedback needed

Postby yeff » Tue Feb 02, 2010 10:43 am

My thought is to rearrange like so, adding a brief statement like the one I've suggested, indicating what you want them to think - that they should look at your previous grades. Not sure if others think the last sentence is redundant because it is implied by the submission and context of the addendum, though.


km87505 wrote:On second thought, how about a letter format instead, even more brief:

Date

Address

Dear Admissions Committee:

There is a significant reason for my poor grades in [strike]the[/strike] spring [strike]of[/strike] 2008. My mother passed away from lung failure on March 28, 2008. Due to my [strike]level of[/strike] confusion and grief I was unable to give my [strike]last semester my[/strike] best effort. I believe my prior academic record provides the best indication of my academic ability.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Me

...Too brief?

km87505
Posts: 6
Joined: Fri Sep 25, 2009 3:38 pm

Re: Death in the family addendum- Feedback needed

Postby km87505 » Tue Feb 02, 2010 8:35 pm

Yeff,

Thanks so much. That really improves it!

Best,
Kate




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