First Draft - Please help ... pretty please w/ sugar on top

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
flunkee
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jan 29, 2010 2:58 pm

First Draft - Please help ... pretty please w/ sugar on top

Postby flunkee » Fri Jan 29, 2010 3:08 pm

Thank you for all of your help!
Last edited by flunkee on Fri Jan 29, 2010 6:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Captain Muscles
Posts: 57
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2010 4:04 am

Re: First Draft - Please help ... pretty please w/ sugar on top

Postby Captain Muscles » Fri Jan 29, 2010 3:35 pm

I like this but maybe don't talk about how your life was in turmoil. Focus on the brightside!
Last edited by Captain Muscles on Fri Jan 29, 2010 7:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

flunkee
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jan 29, 2010 2:58 pm

Re: First Draft - Please help ... pretty please w/ sugar on top

Postby flunkee » Fri Jan 29, 2010 3:47 pm

Thank you for your reply. I will take that into consideration. Is there anyone else with any thoughts or suggestions?

Sherpa
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Jan 10, 2010 9:41 pm

Re: First Draft - Please help ... pretty please w/ sugar on top

Postby Sherpa » Fri Jan 29, 2010 4:32 pm

.
Last edited by Sherpa on Sun Jan 31, 2010 5:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

flunkee
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jan 29, 2010 2:58 pm

Re: First Draft - Please help ... pretty please w/ sugar on top

Postby flunkee » Fri Jan 29, 2010 4:37 pm

Sherpa wrote:The essay jumps around too much and is a little too "woe is me" and not enough "I'm the Rocky balboa of overcoming adversity."

Thank you for pointing this out. I agree completely.




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