Potentially risky personal statement for NEXT year

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
ContainsMultitudes
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Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:02 am

Potentially risky personal statement for NEXT year

Postby ContainsMultitudes » Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:12 am

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Last edited by ContainsMultitudes on Sat Jan 23, 2010 8:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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booboo
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Joined: Tue Oct 20, 2009 10:39 pm

Re: Potentially risky personal statement for NEXT year

Postby booboo » Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:24 am

I like the personal statement. It is quite personal and shows growth and improvement as an individual. The writing itself is also quite strong.

That being said, I would recommend anonymously phoning some admission offices and talking about your past profession and see how they react (mentioning that you plan to include it in your PS). Though this is a strong PS, there could be those that are turned off. I wish you the best of luck, and as they say, the early bird gets the worm!

Irrelephant
Posts: 39
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2009 5:23 pm

Re: Potentially risky personal statement for NEXT year

Postby Irrelephant » Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:26 am

I like it. Some grammer issues but it says a lot about you. You've seen a lot in your life. I'll give some help tomorrow when I'm not on my phone. Feel free to pm me

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EdmundBurke23
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Re: Potentially risky personal statement for NEXT year

Postby EdmundBurke23 » Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:30 am

It's a pretty interesting story that you have to tell. But I think certain parts of this PS emphasizes a little too much about prostitution in a casual kind of way, as in "... and after several months of prostitution..."

Once you get the message across that you've been a prostitute throughout the younger years of your life, then it's better to tell a little more about you as an individual rather than to emphasize it in that kind of way. The more you save it, the better. This is just my opinion, and maybe others might refute this. But I'm sure this is what you wanted - just a group of thoughtful opinions from those who've actually read your PS.

Another comment that I have: This PS has somewhat of a "Why Law School" and "Chronicles of My Life" kind of structure. I think you could remove a lot of information on this PS and instead allude to the lines pertaining to prior criminal record on your addendum.

"So what? you were a prostitute." Is what the bad side of me thought of when I read this personal statement. In other words, you might want to include more substantive information about your character.

ContainsMultitudes
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Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:02 am

Re: Potentially risky personal statement for NEXT year

Postby ContainsMultitudes » Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:52 am

Good lord, you people are fast.

Thank you very much. This was about an hour's frantic effort to get the words out while the inspiration was still there, so I'll definitely go through and polish up any little issues for draft 2. I actually talked to someone at Emory TODAY about it and he was actually seemingly impressed and wanted me applying for some fellowship or another. Anyway, I'm hoping if even admissions people at a southern school are okay with it, other places will be too -- but if it seems too casual, or like it's too much, that can be a problem. I will contemplate that today.

Small point of fact: I don't have a criminal record, not even a misdemeanor, so I am not sure what a criminal record addendum would really have for me.

tx1987
Posts: 115
Joined: Sun Jan 10, 2010 7:21 pm

Re: Potentially risky personal statement for NEXT year

Postby tx1987 » Sat Jan 23, 2010 10:29 am

I really liked this statement, though it made me cringe at parts. I'm really sensitive, though. It certainly makes an impact and I like that you showed your growth and maturity from that time until now. I think, overall, it's a wonderful statement.




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