Please offer suggestions- critique!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Please offer suggestions- critique!

Postby eagles86 » Wed Jan 20, 2010 8:28 pm

On a warm summer night, I could count on my dad and his best friend (xxxx) to be sitting on our deck, discussing all types of current events while simultaneously enjoying their beloved cigars. As I matured, I increasingly partook in these conversations and quickly developed a passion for politics and our entire lawmaking process. Over time, I became more immersed in our political culture and endlessly followed various events. Our conversations appeared to be fairly a routine part of my life but one day that all changed. Sixteen months ago, (xxx) suddenly passed away due to a rare bacterial infection.
Since his passing, I have recalled the major impact that (xxxx) had on my life. He taught me many lessons about living life to the fullest. As an (xxxxx), he always worked extremely hard, but most importantly, he enjoyed what he did for a living. (XXXX) encouraged me in many ways, especially after my rough freshman year. At that time, he told me to stop worrying and choose a path of study that I was passionate about. As a result of his advice, I changed my major to political science and became involved in local politics.
I began by interning during the summer of 2007 at the State Capitol in (____). Our office handled constituent relations, so I answered many phone calls from concerned citizens, some of which came from people who disagreed with the Governor and voiced their opinions rather crudely. However, these episodes only reinforced my belief that our first amendment is vital to our democratic system. While these callers had political views that were well outside the mainstream, the Governor’s role is to represent his entire constituency. That includes these callers, despite their fringe beliefs that most of society shuns.
In addition to answering calls, I also reviewed many cases of people pleading for help from the state. These pleas ranged from claims of child abuse and neglect to people who simply needed help getting their driver’s license reinstated and did not know how to go about this task. Many of these cases represent the harsh reality of society’s most vulnerable people. They are incapable of defending themselves and must rely on someone to vigorously advocate on their behalf. My duty and responsibility as a lawyer will be the same when representing my clients.
Political issues have greatly stimulated my interest in constitutional law. I am fascinated how the framework of our government has been preserved by the same constitution for over two centuries. However, I recognize that the meaning of certain sections of this text are not always clear. This is the foundation of many of our political disputes and both sides retain vastly different interpretations. Personally, I believe that our constitution should be viewed as a “living document” and not as a rigid, inflexible text. I come to this view because the framers could not have anticipated every possible issue that would arise in the centuries ahead.
I want to have a tangible impact on others’ lives, just as (xxxxx) had on mine. I feel that the best way I can do just that is as an attorney. I still do not know exactly what type of law I wish to practice and remain open to many possibilities during my time in law school. I am very interested in participating in one of Rutgers’ clinics, most notably the Community Law and Constitutional Litigation ones. I seek to attend (school deleted) with the expectation that it will further my understanding of various legal proceedings and statutes. Most importantly, it will help me achieve my ultimate goal, to be a difference maker just like (xxxxx) was.

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