2nd Draft-- Please help! This is very important to me!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
User avatar
blurped

New
Posts: 26
Joined: Wed Jan 20, 2010 2:55 pm

2nd Draft-- Please help! This is very important to me!

Postby blurped » Wed Jan 20, 2010 3:00 pm

Thank you for all your replies--I will post a new draft soon
Last edited by blurped on Thu Jan 21, 2010 2:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
ConMan345

Silver
Posts: 577
Joined: Tue Sep 29, 2009 1:08 pm

Re: 2nd Draft-- Please help! This is very important to me!

Postby ConMan345 » Wed Jan 20, 2010 3:08 pm

I've only read the first part.

My advice, FWIW: cut the first paragraph, it stalls too much, and the analogy isn't quite right, in my mind. Also, avoid like the plague describing yourself in concrete terms, it can come off as arrogant, or at best very biased. It's a subtle but important difference, I think. Instead of saying something like "I'm competitive," describe a competitive situation you enjoyed or, if you must, say "I enjoy competition."

User avatar
blurped

New
Posts: 26
Joined: Wed Jan 20, 2010 2:55 pm

Re: 2nd Draft-- Please help! This is very important to me!

Postby blurped » Wed Jan 20, 2010 3:15 pm

ConMan345 wrote:I've only read the first part.

My advice, FWIW: cut the first paragraph, it stalls too much, and the analogy isn't quite right, in my mind. Also, avoid like the plague describing yourself in concrete terms, it can come off as arrogant, or at best very biased. It's a subtle but important difference, I think. Instead of saying something like "I'm competitive," describe a competitive situation you enjoyed or, if you must, say "I enjoy competition."


Thank you, I've been concerned whether the analogy was appropriate or not.

dlee975

New
Posts: 35
Joined: Sat May 02, 2009 2:28 pm

Re: 2nd Draft-- Please help! This is very important to me!

Postby dlee975 » Thu Jan 21, 2010 4:36 am

bad analogy...not interested in Giuseppe

User avatar
Richie Tenenbaum

Gold
Posts: 2118
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 6:17 am

Re: 2nd Draft-- Please help! This is very important to me!

Postby Richie Tenenbaum » Thu Jan 21, 2010 4:43 am

Cut the first paragraph.

Reconsider the need to include your love of arguing growing up and your dad always saying you should be a lawyer; both are typically considered bad reasons to apply to law schools.

Bankhead

Silver
Posts: 1100
Joined: Mon Apr 07, 2008 11:50 am

Re: 2nd Draft-- Please help! This is very important to me!

Postby Bankhead » Thu Jan 21, 2010 5:08 am

It goes on way too long, but it's fine for Tier 4.

I have a friend currently a 1L at South Texas. He loves it.

User avatar
blurped

New
Posts: 26
Joined: Wed Jan 20, 2010 2:55 pm

Re: 2nd Draft-- Please help! This is very important to me!

Postby blurped » Thu Jan 21, 2010 10:35 am

OK, I will def cut the first paragraph (maybe change it to another analogy that is more appropriate for law?).

It doesn't sound too resume-ish, does it?



Return to “Law School Personal Statements�

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.