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(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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deevilsih
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 3:26 am

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Postby deevilsih » Thu Jan 14, 2010 7:58 pm

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Last edited by deevilsih on Fri Jan 15, 2010 1:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Kiersten1985
Posts: 784
Joined: Fri Jul 31, 2009 3:36 pm

Re: Drag Racing, Shoplifting, Criminal History Addendum, oh my!

Postby Kiersten1985 » Thu Jan 14, 2010 8:02 pm

You're a drag racing female?? That's kind of badass. haha

I think it's good but the second part is better than the first - I would just add one more sentence to the end of the first part that sounds like your very last sentence. Something to do with regretting what you did, you stopped racing, understand that you put other people in danger, etc.

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deevilsih
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 3:26 am

Re: Drag Racing, Shoplifting, Criminal History Addendum, oh my!

Postby deevilsih » Thu Jan 14, 2010 8:13 pm

It didn't feel so badass when I lost my license for a year!

How's this tacked on to the first paragraph:

... I regret that my actions could have harmed someone and afterwards was glad to leave racing where it belongs – on the track.

charlesjd
Posts: 362
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2009 10:28 am

Re: Drag Racing, Shoplifting, Criminal History Addendum, oh my!

Postby charlesjd » Thu Jan 14, 2010 8:16 pm

holy crap lol. You might want to contact the bar about your past...

amg0996
Posts: 21
Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2009 1:39 am

Re: Drag Racing, Shoplifting, Criminal History Addendum, oh my!

Postby amg0996 » Thu Jan 14, 2010 8:18 pm

umm.. i wouldnt mention that it was for christmas presents, thats kind of sad. (it shows a lack of creativity and a material focus, one doesnt have a right to purchase christmas presents, if it was food or something that would be different.) perhaps more regret expressed, risk to others and so forth.... if i was in admissions i would like to hear what you have done lately in oder to make up for your misdeeds. like, volunteer, big sister, talk to people about how they should choose differently. i feel that if you made mistakes like these you should make some serious sacrifices to contribute to society. i think the biggest issue is two things not one and the fact that you stole but still had the means to drag race. oh... what are your numbers and where do you want to go.

p.s. i would loose the screen name deevilsih, perhaps its time to think differently

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daizee
Posts: 57
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2010 1:16 am

Re: Drag Racing, Shoplifting, Criminal History Addendum, oh my!

Postby daizee » Thu Jan 14, 2010 10:45 pm

Sorry, this is just hilarious!!!

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daizee
Posts: 57
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2010 1:16 am

Re: Drag Racing, Shoplifting, Criminal History Addendum, oh my!

Postby daizee » Thu Jan 14, 2010 10:49 pm

OK...Chuckles aside, perhaps start out with:
I am grateful for the wakeup call my arrest provided.

(As I first read this, sounded a bit more like bravado rather than repentance...)

In retrospect, I realize that regardless of my dire financial straits shoplifting Christmas presents was quite stupid; however, I am grateful for the wakeup call my arrest provided.

alohashoyu
Posts: 10
Joined: Thu Jan 14, 2010 2:18 pm

Re: Drag Racing, Shoplifting, Criminal History Addendum, oh my!

Postby alohashoyu » Fri Jan 15, 2010 12:42 am

I agree. Don't add in the Christmas present part. But I think you have a lot of potential to show how you've grown from these, add in how much you've turned your life since then!

jackster2
Posts: 53
Joined: Sat Oct 17, 2009 3:22 pm

Re: Drag Racing, Shoplifting, Criminal History Addendum, oh my!

Postby jackster2 » Fri Jan 15, 2010 12:48 am

I'd admit you just for drag racing. I've spent 25 years in academia and it's rare to meet anyone with enough independence to break a few rules. But they never let me near an admissions committee.




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