last paragraph of my diversity statement.... judge it plz.

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fonzerelli
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last paragraph of my diversity statement.... judge it plz.

Postby fonzerelli » Sun Jan 10, 2010 11:02 pm

Gratsi.
Last edited by fonzerelli on Mon Jan 11, 2010 3:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Cupidity
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Re: last paragraph of my diversity statement.... judge it plz.

Postby Cupidity » Sun Jan 10, 2010 11:08 pm

sounds SUPER CAMPY, like Glee Club, Life-time movie, musical theatre, campy. You spend a lot of time talking about vague and ambigious aspirational bullshit. It's a waste of space. Keep it clean, keep it concise, stay focused on you.

This is fluff and is more likely to hurt your app than help:

"One of the reasons I'm so drawn to law is in order to some day be on the side of
ensuring all of the systems within our society continue to allow our diverse nation (and world) of people a
continued and real chance for "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness," amongst so many other
inalienable rights"

I'm being as blunt as possible. None of this is useable.

And by the way, most DS's are 1 page--2 pages tops. If this is just your conclusion, something is wrong. Double spaced this is nearly a page.

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fonzerelli
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Re: last paragraph of my diversity statement.... judge it plz.

Postby fonzerelli » Sun Jan 10, 2010 11:12 pm

I was afraid of that.... definitely noted. BTW I've sent this DS as an additional supplement/addendum/extra essay/etc with schools that didn't require a DS. I hope it doesn't hurt me.... DS's are supposed to be a little dramatic, no?

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Cupidity
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Re: last paragraph of my diversity statement.... judge it plz.

Postby Cupidity » Sun Jan 10, 2010 11:16 pm

Dramatic is fine, fluffy is not. I mean think about it? You read 1000+ applications and here someone gives you an extra couple pages to read and it doesn't say anything?

I'm sure it won't really hurt you at all, but I doubt this much fluff will help. Keep it clean, stick to the facts. Talk about you, your past, your current condition, your future specific goals. "Puruse life, liberty..." not specific. "Because of my families issues coming to america I am interested in immigration law"...Golden.

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fonzerelli
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Re: last paragraph of my diversity statement.... judge it plz.

Postby fonzerelli » Sun Jan 10, 2010 11:24 pm

I was thinking about it and this may actually be a cultural thing.... Greeks typically say with 1000 words what could normally be said with 100, sometimes even 10. Even ending this sentence with these next few words was a struggle; I felt compelled to continue writing.... must stop.... ahhh I just can't! I just want to ellaborate on everything. Excess. Blah. I'm going to tie my hands together. ;)

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Cupidity
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Re: last paragraph of my diversity statement.... judge it plz.

Postby Cupidity » Sun Jan 10, 2010 11:26 pm

I'm sure there are plenty of websites that would encourage bondage of that sort, though I'm not sure TLS was one of them. I used to have that problem, try this. Set an arbitrary word limit for you DS, say--half of what it is right now. Then make it fit.

Do this on a couple of things and you'll learn economy of language.

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fonzerelli
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Re: last paragraph of my diversity statement.... judge it plz.

Postby fonzerelli » Sun Jan 10, 2010 11:29 pm

Cupidity wrote:I'm sure there are plenty of websites that would encourage bondage of that sort, though I'm not sure TLS was one of them. I used to have that problem, try this. Set an arbitrary word limit for you DS, say--half of what it is right now. Then make it fit.

Do this on a couple of things and you'll learn economy of language.


Word. This is a good idea. (<----- it's already working!) /Post.

likemiketysonbigass
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Re: last paragraph of my diversity statement.... judge it plz.

Postby likemiketysonbigass » Sun Jan 10, 2010 11:29 pm

garbage....




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